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The Everyday Sexism Project exists to catalogue instances of sexism experienced by women on a day to day basis. They might be serious or minor, outrageously offensive or so niggling and normalised that you don’t even feel able to protest. Say as much or as little as you like, use your real name or a pseudonym – it’s up to you. By sharing your story you’re showing the world that sexism does exist, it is faced by women everyday and it is a valid problem to discuss.

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#75415 Carmen 2015-06-15 15:23
Hi, I thought I would catalogue all of my experiences of sexual or physical abuse at the hands of men. Trigger warning, for obvious reasons.

Okay, here goes:

Age 6: A friend of the family asks for constant kisses from me and my sister. He gives us lots of presents, including day-of-the-week underwear. One night he gets an erection while I am in his lap in the hot tub, which I point out to my parents, after which they remove me from the hot tub and never allow me to be alone with him. Soon after we move to a different state. I discover four years
later that this same man abused my best friend from that town for a year, starting when she was 9.

Age 13: An old man in a movie theater sticks his hands under my shirt and down my pants while I am sleeping with my head on my sister's shoulder. He edges a scarf over his lap to hide what he's
doing. I am mortified and don't say anything. Years later in a hotel on the border of CA/AZ on a car trip with my parents I see him on TV being arrested for molesting girls in movie theaters.

Age 16: I assistant direct a production of "House of Spirits" at the local community college. A stagehand, a man who looks like John C. Reilly's twin--about 38 years old, 6'8, huge, with curly hair and a caveman face--harasses and assaults me in a nasty, violent way. He calls me things like "fatass" and says things like "you think you're so great but your ass is so fat" and backs me into a corner and sticks his hands up my skirt while leering and snarling his hateful commentary. He does this when no one is around. I never say anything. I am thereafter always afraid of/disgusted by the
actor John C. Reilly.

That same year, a boyfriend (also a huge guy, age 22) takes me out to the desert for a ride. In the desert he handcuffs me to the steering wheel of his truck and insinuates that a carful of rapists has followed us there and he is going to let them each have a turn. He does this to teach me a "lesson" about trusting men, as I naively allowed him to handcuff me, thinking it was a game.

Age 17: A new boyfriend (also a huge guy, age 24) treats me like a piece of meat (perhaps understandably, as I am way out of his league; he just pursued me relentlessly/was very charming when trying to get me into bed, and I was naïve, with low self-esteem; once he did get me into bed he refused to become my boyfriend proper, wanting me instead to be his little fuck buddy). When I come over to see him and hang out with him and his friends he shoves be into the bathroom (with his friends right outside) and unzips his pants. He rapes me twice: once anally, in the shower,
when I am showering alone. He steps in behind me when I have shampoo in my hair and my eyes closed and shoves me against the wall. The pain is so great I see stars. He makes me bleed. He
doesn't ask. Still it doesn't click for me that I can be raped by someone I am in a sexual relationship with, so I don't leave. Another time he has sex with me while I am asleep. I wake up and he is withdrawing, dripping semen on my hip. When I break up with him, I have to say "no" about twenty times before he stops trying to get me to have "goodbye" sex with him. I am genuinely
afraid of him.

I was a virgin when I slept with him.

Age 18: I get involved in a relationship that will last until I am 22. We are very much in love and move in together after a year. It turns out the young man is a drug addict who was physically
abused by his father. He hits me and chokes me on several occasions, and belittles me often, the way he was belittled by his father. I finally leave him.

Age 23: I go to Spain to get my ESL certification and teach for a year. I have finally finished my AA degree and saved money for this adventure, and I am ready to get over the long, abusive relationship I have just left. During the course, while out on the town with friends, a drunk man grabs and kisses me without permission.

After completing the rigorous course, I come down with bronchitis, a complication of a double ear infection. I land two jobs in Madrid and move up there, staying at a hostel at first. I am too sick to look for an apartment. The owner of the hostel puts me in a room alone. Later an Argentine man is placed in the room with me (I should have objected to this). He crawls naked into bed with me one night and begins taking my clothes off. I let him, as I don't want to be raped. He stops midway through coitus, complaining about my smell. Sorry I wasn't clean enough for you, Mr. Rapist, in the midst of my terrible illness that has kept me confined to bed for a week.

That year I am also followed home from a club by a couple of young boys who jump all over me and try to kiss me after I lose my friend in the crowd. I jump into a cab, but I am too drunk/my Spanish isn't good enough to make him understand I want these boys away from me. He takes us all to my apartment building, where they try to force their way in the door as I close it in their faces.

Another time, when I go on a trip with some friends to a seaside town, at a nightclub a man I go outside to talk with leans forward, shoves his hand under my skirt and thrusts his fingers inside me. I run away.

At another nightclub on another night I dance hot and heavy with a guy I am really interested in and would have slept with. At the end of the night he pushes me up against the wall and says "I want to rape you." I run away, into the crowd.

That year I am also on the subway with my roommate when a bald, sweaty, short man decides he has to stick his hands down my jeans. He chases me from car to car, unable to help himself, repeatedly shoving his hands down the back of my jeans. I shout "go away" at him in Spanish while my roommate giggles. I am finally saved by a couple of tall men in drag. Later at dinner with a
male friend of hers she recounts the story, laughing. The friend is upset and doesn't think it is funny. It is only funny because as women we are so used to it. My friend, on the subway, speculates as to why the guy only attacked me. "Maybe because you're curvier?"

I leave Spain at the end of the year to travel. I am harassed on the train from Sorrento to Naples by a group of migrant workers, to the point that a Roman cop is afraid they are going to rape me. I am also harassed in France, followed by men who become angry when I don't want to talk to them. I am grabbed and kissed several times in this journey, as well as grabbed by the wrist violently by men commenting on my body, and followed into the courtyard of a building where I am staying.

Ages 24-25: After returning to the United States to finish my bachelor's, I choose not to have anything to do with men for a year, apart from one night that I sleep with a guy on a camping trip,
who later texts me etc. for more dates (I am not interested). I find out later he has a girlfriend.

Apart from this, because of the damaging experiences I have not yet processed, I decide to stay at home and be studious this year. I don't make many friends. I move into a different apartment and
befriend my roommate. I have a difficult job working 14 hour days on the Grand Canyon Train over the summer. Toward the end of the summer my friend convinces me to quit and enjoy the last two
weeks before school starts, as I couldn't keep the job anyway. We go out to "Ladies Eighties," 10 cent well drinks at a local club. We go to another bar, where we drink more. I get very drunk, as I have low tolerance and haven't really even been out in the United States. I also haven't slept with anyone for a year, apart from the one guy (my friend said we needed to "get me laid"). My friend
goes to the bathroom. A guy comes in--also a huge guy--and sits next to me. He is with some friends. He buys me a drink. He says there is a party back at his place. His friends are encouraging. I am very drunk. I say I have to wait for my friend, but he grabs me by the elbow and takes me outside and puts me in a cab.

Later, I will feel that his behavior was predatory and report him for rape (at which time the cop who takes the report blames me and chides me for “doing that with someone I don’t know,” tells me there’s no point in pressing charges in these kinds of incidents, and then complains about his job). This incident occasions a breakdown (due to all previous unaddressed incidents). I begin having dangerous casual sex with many men. The more dangerous the better. This is a very self-destructive cycle. I am diagnosed with first PTSD and then bipolar disorder, and given medication that makes me manic. My behavior gets more out of control. I drop out of school for a semester. I am working at a bar that encourages employee alcoholism. I drink too much and do too many drugs and sleep with bad (and occasionally some good) men.

I finally realize my own self-destructive behavior and stop having sex. I do, however, keep drinking.

I continue to work at the bar that encourages alcoholism. During the day it is a "family restaurant."

While I am delivering two trays of food, one in each hand, an older man in his fifties comes up behind me in the doorway that leads from the patio inside the restaurant. He sticks his hands down my jeans and pulls out my underwear, trapping me in the doorway, and whispers in my ear "I like your pink panties." He is at the restaurant with his adult daughters. I finally, upset, mention it to the waiter for their table, who doesn't seem to understand how bad it is. His adult daughters are mortified when they are informed. I don't remember whether he is asked to leave or not. That bar had a really bad record when it came to harassment of the waitresses and expos in general (the expos were generally college girls working for the summer), many of whom were served up to
the customers and bouncers like sacrifices, after getting them drunk post-work.

I am living with my best friend at this point, another girl. A man she is having some kind of liaison with--a local bartender--becomes angry with her. She has always asked me to "escort" her while
she fools around with him on nights when the bar is slow, so she feels safe; I agree because I love her and would do anything for her. I think he probably thinks that I am "cock-blocking." It's true I
don't trust him--he's clearly an asshole playboy--but she can do what she wants; I escort her because she asks. He comes over the play videogames/smoke pot and she asks me to stay down in
the living room with them. One night, when I stay in, she goes out with our other roommate and gets wasted at his bar and makes out with other men in front of him. They have a fight. The weekend following, while both roommates are out of town, he comes into the bar where I work. I am off work and am already drunk (my coworkers bought me multiple shots). I am too drunk to remember that I don't trust him. He buys me more drinks and I think, "Wow, he's being so nice to me." At 1 in the morning I am going to leave and he says it's "too dangerous for me to walk home alone" and he offers to escort me. We are having a friendly conversation. He asks me where my roommates are and I tell them they're out of town. I open my door and turn around to say good night. He steps in through the door after me and closes it.

He pushes me against the wall and begins taking my clothes off. I black out (I have been in and out of consciousness for a while). I awake to my own disembodied voice, sounding like it’s coming from far away, crying and saying, “Stop, it hurts.” I will not go into more detail.

In the morning, although upon waking I think "what a strange rape dream I had (flashback dream), about Eddie!--of all people," and then realize I am downstairs on my living room floor, I after that
don't call it a rape. Instead I worry what my best friend will think, that I "slept with" her crush. I worry about it all day (all month I worry if I will end up pregnant; I am too in denial/fucked up in the days after to go get the morning after pill). I tell my friend when she comes back. She blames me forever and constantly brings it up ("I better not tell you who I have a crush on or you'll sleep with him"). I never tell her what really happened for fear she will not believe me. She knows about the incident last year, which I thought of as rape at the time (now I think that although maybe the man was being callous about me as a person, he did intend it to be rape). She knows I have been promiscuous this year. She will not believe me. Also, as this last incident most definitely was rape, I am completely unwilling to admit it to myself (to have been raped again). I just can't go through it again. However, I quit the bar, give up drinking and drugs, and start doing judo. The incident of me "sleeping" with my friend's crush effectively ends the friendship, which is probably what he intended. I have to continue seeing him around town. He is always flirtatious with me and ignores my friend. It makes me feel sick to my stomach.

During the time that I am promiscuous, a male friend I tell about the sexual assault, who is a member of MARS (Men Against Rape Society), gets me drunk (he keeps refilling my drink when it is halfway empty as I am crying on his shoulder). He convinces me he needs to crash at my place as he is too drunk to get home, then takes my clothes off and fools around with me (he really is too drunk to get it up, fortunately). This is a man I never in a million years would willingly sleep with.

He comments on my genitalia, because apparently he's accustomed to porn genitalia and not used to seeing a woman with inner labia that protrude from the outer. He continues to comment on this whenever I see him after that, as well as crowing about getting to see my "boobies" (although he makes clear with a story about a girl in a hot tub that they are not as nice as fake boobies that have implants). Eventually it occurs to him there might be something problematic about sexing a girl who is wasted after crying on your shoulder all night about her rape. I cut off all contact with him.

Another male friend who is in love with me comments that he wants to tie me up in his room to keep me there, like the girl in Black Snake Moan. He is also aware of what I am going through at
the time that he says this.

I am not mentioning the behavior of all the men whom I had consensual sex with during this time I was so hurt, although much of it was predatory and many times I was drunk, and several treated me quite badly. Still, it wasn't assault, just advantage-taking, so I am not including it here.

While in judo class, a nineteen-year-old bodybuilder (a white belt like me) pins me, spreads my legs painfully wide, and chokes me, despite me tapping the mat (a choke is illegal among white belts, who have not learned the proper techniques). He has his nose taped from a fight. After he lets me up I launch myself at him and head butt him in the nose. This is so satisfying I pursue judo for the next year, after graduating from college (with a 3.7!) and returning home. I earn a brown belt, mainly for my skills in falling.

Age 27--I live in Japan. I get my breasts grabbed by an old man who insinuates I am a prostitute while I am wearing long pants, long sleeves and a company vest and handing out flyers. I do not deck this old men, as he is about three feet tall and I am worried about hurting him. I do, however, shout “Hentai!” (“Pervert!”) and point at him in the square, shaming him. Everyone stares at me instead.

That same year my friends come to visit me. The three of us--three young women--stay up at a beautiful ryokan in Hakone, land of the hot springs that lead up to Mt. Fuji. We have a magical three days and then descend to Tokyo on a Saturday night to go out. It turns out that Japan loses in the World Cup that night. The streets are flooded with drunk angry young men. We are followed, grabbed, kissed, and fondled all night. I fall down several times running away (it turns out my shoes have a broken heel, I later throw them away) and have young men pile on top of me, kissing me and grabbing at my clothes. My friends rescue me each of these times. They are also fondled and groped.

Age 30: I move to Mexico to teach at a university. It's a small town on the southern coast, a safe place. I do a couple of stupid things which lead me to decide to stop drinking in bars altogether, something I should have done a long time ago (but at manic moments have trouble remembering):

I go out with some female friends to a bar. Men keep sending me drinks. We sit with a group of men, two of whom are hitting on me, one of whom I am (drunkenly) interested in, though he's an objectively horrible person (used to be a sicario for a cartel but "saw the light" and is now a drug and alcohol counselor trying to help young people but for some reason now inexplicably smashed
and bragging about his former exploits; my Spanish is really good at this point--I studied it in school). I am interested in his story. We dance, and this guy and I kiss a little, and we all decide at some point to go to the beach. This guy holds my hand as we walk behind a lighthouse (I think we are going to sit at the end of the pier and watch the sunrise). Instead he pushes me up against the
lighthouse and tries to rape me though I clearly say "no" about fifteen times (he is another huge guy) and I only succeed in getting him to stop by agreeing to have sex with him.

Another time, two friends of mine (one my first friend in that town, whom I used to go biking with) invite me over to a new place they've started as a "House of Culture." We eat dinner, and talk all
night. I think how nice it is they are treating me like a person and not hitting on me (I have had a recent heartbreak, and this is also shortly after the Isla Vista killings, which disturbed me profoundly). One of them is a guy I know can get kind of gross if he's been drinking, but I watch him, and he's not (he has always been respectful to me sober); however, the only reason I had enough trust to go there was because the other guy--my first friend in town, who has never hit on me--was there. This friend keeps putting a drink in my hand, mescal, very strong stuff I have no tolerance for. He is also drinking, though the other guy isn't. Every time I try to leave they convince me to stay, changing the subject and putting another drink in my hand. Eventually I decide enough
is enough, and stand up to leave. I don't realize how drunk I've gotten, because I've been sitting down. I feel suddenly light-headed, and lie down on the floor. Cue guy number two (the one not drinking) to jump on top of me. He begins kissing me passionately, and sticks his fingers inside of me. My other friend pulls up a chair to watch. The guy pulls out his penis to try to make me suck him. I cry out "no, no" and he helps me up (I think he was hoping I would be drunk enough to just do it). They say I am too drunk to walk home alone and walk me home. I vomit all night, I am so drunk. I choose never to see those guys again and the whole circle of people they are associated with, thus losing many acquaintances in town who were possible friends.

That same year, a former neighbor of mine in the place I had just been living tells me a man broke into his apartment and sat in his couch in the dark. He was in his bathroom brushing his teeth and
the lights were off. He came out and confronted the man. When caught, the man was on the spot, and replied that he was looking for "the white lady teacher" (I was the only person who fit that
description in that complex and I lived next door). He asked the man how he knew me, and he made up some story about meeting me at a club I had never been to. When he asked him why he'd felt the need to break in then, the man jumped to his feet. My neighbor left his apartment via the back door, afraid the man might have a weapon, and called the police, who never came, as often happens in Mexico. The man fled. I had just moved away from that complex at this point. I bumped into my neighbor in the grocery store, and he "just happened" to mention it to me, as if it were no big deal, at the end of our conversation.

Age 31: My boyfriend and I have sex at the beach. It is a beach that is never populated in the daytime, and which has hardly anyone at night, when we are there. We go behind a bar that's
closed for the night so it's absolutely impossible anyone will see us. We are carried away in the heat of the moment, after we had been arguing and not seen each other for a week or so, and
have just made up. A beach cop who saw us kissing earlier on our blanket while out on the beach decides to comb the entire beach with his flashlight looking for us. This is a long story, during
which I severely twist my ankle among other things, but to shorten it, in the end I am not taken to jail by this cop (who didn't actually see anything anyway, we saw him coming), but I am threatened with rape. He then texts and calls me for the next week, using the phone number I had given to the police when detained.

I'm trying to remember if I'm leaving out anything major here...oh yes: on a visit back up to my college town to see an old friend, on NYE in a club a guy a used to know--friends with some
"wholesome" friends of mine, a someone I thought was a nice guy--while dancing with me on the dance floor suddenly shoves his hand up my skirt and sticks his fingers inside me.

Oh, and twice substances were added to my drink in a bar. Once my friends caught it and I sent the drink back and the man who did it got up and ran out of the bar. On the other occasion I lost 45 minutes and apparently disappeared during that time, and showed up later, having gone from sober to absolutely out of my mind insane in a period of 45 minutes (I only had two drinks, one I wasn’t keeping an eye on because I was texting a friend while sitting at the bar). I still don't know what happened during those forty-five minutes. The next morning I had no hangover whatsoever, as date-rape drugs leave your system quickly. That's another one that counts, I guess.

I think that is about all of it, but I am leaving out being followed/embraced by men in the street,
including being followed home, and I am also leaving out catcalling and saying disgusting or threatening things, as then this list would just get too exhaustive. I am also leaving out the unconscionable behavior of many men with whom I was in consenting relationships, if it didn’t include physical violence. That would be a whole other post to itself. Suffice it to say I have not been very discerning, apparently.

It is sad, as I am single again now and about to turn 32. I don't trust men, I'm scared of dating, and when I do date, I date small men, who could not physically hurt me (I am really scared of big men).

I just recently quit drinking altogether. This is sad too, as it will limit my social life, but because of depression I have an issue with drinking (with drinking just one or two), and being drunk or even
tipsy and around others is too dangerous, IMO, as you never know who you're dealing with. I also don't date and, when I return to the US soon to start a new career, as I plan to do, I don't know how I will be able to trust men to date and find a relationship (or be myself and happy and relaxed around men to attract them for the long-term). Maybe I need counseling.

Of course, there are MANY MANY others instances of sexism that inform and constrain my existence on a daily basis, and the existence of all women. But I wanted to point out these experiences to point out how pervasive sexual violence against women is, all over the world.

I am not sure if my experiences are exceedingly common, or if there was/is something vulnerable about me because of early experiences I won't go into (long story) but that were very damaging to my self-esteem and my relationship with my father. Maybe certain kinds of men smell vulnerability, or this "whiff" of a vulnerable woman brings out the worst in men at times, or what?

I just thought I would document them. This is the first time I've written it all out like this.

I am scared now because I am losing weight (which is a way of hiding) and want to get in shape/look good/feel good/be confident again, but don't want any negative male attention. I am hoping it will be less as I am older now, but I also want to find someone to love and trust, and it's difficult, considering.

I have to find a way to attract the right men, and I need to ask myself about every man I meet who

I am interested in, “What is he really like?” And try to find that out before I am alone with him (or get involved with him). Obviously I need to change something.

That said, some of these instances were not my fault, in any way, shape or form, and in the others although I made poor choices it doesn’t excuse the behavior of the men in question.
 
 
#75414 Cassie, age 27 2015-06-15 13:54
Not my first experience of street harassment by any means and I usually shout back loudly but today was different.

Street harassment at 10am. Honked at by a man who then proceeded to get out of his car, chase me down the street and grab my arm to tell me how much he liked my tattoos, how gorgeous I was and that I must have a very lucky boyfriend. Asked me how, 'covered I was' whilst looking at my breasts/all over my body. Then stared at me as I crossed at a red light when he was back in his car. So upset because whilst I've dealt with street harassment (as usual) I haven't been chased and grabbed for a while...lucky me. And I'm annoyed that I froze and didn't give him what for like I usually would. I'm angry that this is a regular part of life for women and that that dude won't even give it a second thought later today.

He's probably someone's father, husband, brother and he will never know that what he did was was wrong or that I am upset. And his family will never know that he is out harassing women half his age.
women are taught to accept these things and be polite. And the biggest thing for me is that I was just that. I said thanks instead of screaming at him.
Now my confidence is through the floor and I feel violated and angry. I'm always angry that women have to deal with this shit but today it got personal again.
 
 
#75413 uni girl 2015-06-15 13:27
my senior lecturer at bristol university offering me a sexual hook-up in return for help with my studies .. once his interest waned, his 'professionalism' and interest in my studies and career mysteriously vanished and he became increasingly 'busy' and hard to communicate with, despite me needing his help... my marks were mysteriously lower than they should have been yet other girls he'd taken a shine too (and was communicating with on Facebook) did quite well/offered extra help!
i was not the only student to have experiences of older lecturers flirting with and propositioning their female students .. seemed to be an accepted thing within the department where officials turned a blind eye! students shouldn't be seen as an easy target for sexual hook-ups
 
 
#75412 emma 2015-06-15 08:46
Here in the UK recently there was a story about a girl who after weeks of being whistled and cat-called at on her way to work was stopped in the street by two of the men, scaring her. She went to the police about it. The story was reported that she went to the police about being whistled at with only some papers mentioning at the bottom of the article that she had actually been accosted in the street. Most commentators felt that she was an 'attention seeker', a 'feminazi', had no sense of humour, should get over herself, with additional comments about her looks. Many men felt that their rights would be infringed if they were not allowed to make sexual comments to lone women. Why is it so hard to understand that harrassing and intimidating women is not acceptable? And that no-one has any right to comment on someone else's appearance?
 
 
#75411 Ffs 2015-06-15 06:44
"looks do matter in public facing jobs. Who wants to be served by a fat ugly barmaid or waitress."

Interesting that only picked females. Male judges aren't lookers.
 
 
#75410 ABC 2015-06-15 03:55
Once I missed a Listening examination, so my teacher'd to give it to me separately. She asked the IT rep to set up the radio for me because she'd to teach the rest of the class.
The boy proceeded to attempt to set up the radio. When he failed, he called for his friends (all male) to help him, all of which were unsuccessful.
When I tried to offer my help, he told me to 'fuck off' and 'to let the big boys do it, you stupid cunt. Girls don't know how to operate technology.'
I proceeded to press the snooze button once more to get the radio out of standby mode.
It worked.
 
 
#75409 Wendy 2015-06-15 02:54
I am now afraid to walk home alone late after a man in a car followed me and insisted on talking to me. Never did I feel so scared and angry at the same time. Women are not safer in "North America".
 
 
#75408 Lily 2015-06-15 01:37
I'm 14, and I was getting on the bus to go home from school one day. All the kids from my grade on my bus are boys, but they're my friends so I'm okay with that. I was walking to the back where my seat is, and I greeted them by simply saying hello. The response I got back from a specific lad ( I'll just call him A) was absolutely shocking. I said hello to him, and in response, he said," Hello big tits!" I was disgusted and outraged! I immediately lunged forward and slapped him really hard on the arm and called him a pervert. One of my other good male friends also said he was disgusting and punched him( but not really hard). I was so suprised because I never thought I would have to deal with that at my age. He later apologized to me and I accepted, but it still opened my eyes to how, unfortunately, widespread and common sexual harassment is.
 
 
#75407 Laura 2015-06-14 19:19
I live in a small rural town in which I am a high school student. On Thursday we were presenting projects when one of my male classmates referred to his famous persons children as, "he had 3 sons, and 2 others". Everyone laughed and thought it was funny. I was angry and couldn't believe he degraded women like that.
 
 
#75406 Anon 2015-06-14 19:09
Went to a shop with my dad just before Christmas to buy a Present for my sister. I was asking all the questions and talking to the salesman. Despite this, the (male) salesman proceeded to keep ignoring me and talk straight to my father, he would actually answer my questions straight to my father even though I asked the question or if I asked to see something better, he would get it out and show it to my dad and hand it to him. This continued even when I made a point of pointing out he should be speaking to me as I asked something, not my dad. I was so angry, I am a 21 y/o confident person and not a child.
Probably the worst thing was when I got angry about it and talked to my dad about it after, he hadn't even noticed it, That's how normalised it is! (Also I'd like to note it was not my dads fault at all and he felt really bad for not noticing the situation at the time and would never treat anyone like that, this made it all the more shocking for me)
 
 
#75405 C 2015-06-14 18:55
Last night at a fairly overcrowded party I was groped. I was choosing what songs to play next and was talking to my boyfriend. I had my back to everyone else as I was facing the patio doors (my boyfriend was standing in the doorway). The ipad was on the chair next to me/in between my boyfriend and I, so I bent over to tap the song I wanted to play next and felt someone tapping my bottom (almost like playing a beat). Then he groped me, hard. I felt so violated. Usually when my friends and I discuss these things the majority of us say "if someone did this to me, I'd swing for them and put them in their place" but last night I couldn't, I felt stripped of my dignity. - Yes I know worse things happen to people but usually I will say something to the guy but I couldn't I just froze, I had tears in my eyes. Girls sitting opposite seen it happen and gave me a look of disgust. They didn't do anything except look in the other direction. This needs to be changed. I told my boyfriend then had tears in my eyes because he automatically said "aw come on he's just drunk it happens all the time". How wrong is this. Being drunk is not an excuse. But I didn't want to cause anything. I didn't want to drag attention to the issue. I feel stupid for not saying anything and allowing him to get away with it. I just want to drag awareness because things like this (and sadly even worse incidents) happen at parties all the time and people (mainly women) can be taken advantage of. If you see something like this happening - please, don't turn a blind eye to it. Drag attention to it because it could lead to something worse. Also if you are someone who this happens to then again, do not let it go unheard. Say something. Make a fuss. Your body, your consent. Xx
 
 
#75404 Void 2015-06-14 16:33
I've been told every once in a while, by acquaintances and extended family members (patricularly females), that the way I deal with problems (pragmatically), the way I speak (straightforwardly), and my ideals: to be self-reliant and independent, both financially and emotionally, are manly. I have to choose between being female and trying to be what I consider to be an ideal person.
 
 
#75403 Lucy 2015-06-14 14:43
Since three months now, I've met this really cool group of people whom I live with. Basically, they ar my roomies, but I've come to see them as my friends pretty quickly. Now, one of their friends, who comes by the house rather often (let's say four times a week) has the annoying habit of calling me a 'prude' in front of other people. I do not know how I have to deal with this. I always react by telling him that "if he thinks I'm a prude, then I'm a prude. I really don't care what you say." But I DO care. He deliberately puts my sexuality in the spotlights by saying this and I always have the feeling that the others will be influenced by what he says. Maybe they'll think: "Well, he says it so often, he might be right. She probably IS a prude." This is really annoying, because I get the feeling I have to be "less prude" and I have to show others that "I'm really not a prude at all". Of course, I don't do anything about this, i.e., it's not like I'll radically change my clothes or attitude etcetera just because he says this, but his sexist remark does give me the feeling that I'm somehow "less experienced" or ... I don't know, but it feels very much like public humiliation. Now, I myself am very much into sarcasm and irony and humour like that, but these so-called 'jokes' of this "friend" do not seem funny at all. I don't know how to dreal with this, because if I confront him about it, I'm afraid he'll go around telling other people how much "drama" I am making about his jokes and so on and so forth and I'm really afraid people will think I'm just... you know, like I'm just weak or something like that, and I really - really - do not want to lose this group of awesome people that I've gotten to know. How to deal with this???
 
 
#75402 anita 2015-06-14 13:01
Walking down an affluent street of tourist accommodation by the beach, early evening, nice families and older couples taking a stroll before dinner. Im walking alone and i stop to make a note on my phone about one of the properties. a man in his 60s walks past with his friend, see's me typing on my phone and says 'ah he's never going to call you back you know'.
I'm sorry? the only reason i could possibly have for using my phone is to talk to a guy? and a guy who's refusing to take my calls? what the hell? and why exactly is mr fiction not taking my calls?
 
 
#75401 Nimue 2015-06-14 12:37
I was told by the maths department of our university that they don't want to engage with schools because they don't have a 'young bubbly female like me' - the implication being that they're too busy with *proper* research, while I'm not a proper academic because I work with schools.
 
 
#75400 Rachael 2015-06-14 10:03
Last night I was enjoying a drink in town with my two female friends and all night we experienced sexism. The comment which infuriated me the most was passed by a man who approached my friend, told her that she was beautiful and that she should leave us and go with him. She just looked at him with disgust and as he walked away he said 'you're boring anyway'. I couldn't help but call him back and question him on his comment, asking him how on earth she was boring because she didn't want to go with a creep like him. And he called back 'calm down love', laughed, then walked away with his friends. Later, we were jeered at by another group of men who shouted 'nice arse' as they walked behind us. I turned around and asked them to repeat what they said to my face. They wouldn't, they just giggled. But our whole night was interrupted by rude sexual comments made by men and by this point I was furious so I continued to ask them. Once again I was told to 'calm down' and that they were merely paying me a compliment. I tried to explain how hurtful and demeaning their 'compliments' are when you've experienced it nonstop, but they called me moody and walked away.
I was so upset, even as I walked towards the taxi rank, crying with my friends consoling me, men continued to call at us, and I continued to shout back. The next morning I explained the horrible evening to my parents who tutted and told me that I shouldn't have retaliated. I had to bite back my tears because I couldn't believe I wasn't given support or told I did the right thing by my own parents, who have always taught me to stick up for myself. So we sat in silence watching the TV and Laura (of Everyday Sexism) was on Sky News bringing up the issues surrounding Hilary Clinton's battle with sexism and ageism and I was inspired to visit this project online.
After reading a few entries, I am half enlightened by the strength of other women and half saddened by the extent to which this issue still exists and affects us all. Nevertheless I believe this project is amazing for raising awareness. If the men that called at me and my friends last night read some of these entries, perhaps they wouldn't tell me to calm down next time.
 

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