Author Archives: everydaysexism

Jennifer

Working on an IT project at my new client, I was in a 4-person meeting working through some design issues in having AX2012 control the creation of activities in Salesforce against documentation that was being scrubbed in a 3rd system. One of the guys in the group literally pretended I wasn’t there. Every single sentence, every question, every suggestion I made (and when it comes to design discussions, I do not hesitate to voice my opinions and ideas) was completely ignored, as though it had never happened. It was awkward enough for the other guys to notice and give funny looks, though neither of them did anything. They would, occasionally, if they agreed with me, repeat what I had just said (literally), so that the AX expert would “hear” it. After 4 of these meetings, this expert realized I actually DID know what I was talking about, and would at least hear what I said in in person meetings. However, with every question and every issue I raised for the next 1.5 YEARS on the project he would follow this pattern: 1. Ignore me. 2. Dismiss the issue out of hand as “not an issue” I would then take the time 30-60 minutes to “prove” it was an issue 3. Acknowledge it was happening, but dismiss its importance I would then take the time 3-5 hours usually, to “prove” it was a major issue with data to back me up. 4. Acknowledge it was an issue and important, and finally fix it. In less than 10 minutes. He truly knew his stuff in AX, and everything BUT AX were my areas of expertise. But seriously? EVERY ISSUE he wasted up to 6 hours of my time in making me prove it. And I was wrong about it being a major issue perhaps 1 in 50 issues? He did not act this way with any of the men on the project. Even brand new people who didn’t know what was going on. Eventually the client hired a new person to handle the integration (which I was most heavily involved in) on the AX side. HOLY MACKEREL. He was willing to listen to me, meet with me and work with me! We made more progress together in 2.5 weeks than in the full year with this other guy.

Sophie

I’ve been catcalled to on the street during the day and at night, touched inappropriately at parties and on dates, called ‘vanilla’ because I’m sexually inexperienced and been told that I’m abnormal because I have prestigious career goals. I’m expected to keep it to myself and allow these things to happen. But it hurts when you’re viewed as a thing and not a person, placed in a box with a gender stereotype and given value based on your physicality rather than personality.

Merk

in the last 24 hours I have had three things happen, one I was walking to the train station reading my book and this guy fells entitled enough to yell “FUCK, your beautiful” at me, this is not a compliment and it scares me so I put down the book and walk faster. Second I sit down on the bus and the group of guys behind me starts talking about how vaginas are gross and how they would never do oral and how “:you just need to shove fingers up there” so I move to the front of the bus so I don’t have to here this but their loud enough for me to here at the other end of the bus. Third I’m on my long board just enjoying being outside and this guy drives by and yells “Fat Ass” at me. not that it matters but I’m 145 pounds that’s not “fat” that was just one day.one freaking day

Soph

My parents are divorced, now, and I don’t see my dad anymore, of my own choice. But when when my parents were still together, I remember my dad would get home from work, sit on the sofa and watch television, almost everyday of the week. My mum didn’t work so he expected, when he got home from work, that all the dishes would have been cleaned, the clothes would have been washed and the whole house would have been tidied. Then for dinner to be cooked and laid on the table once she had picked up my brother and me from school. In theory, it sounds easy enough for her to get all this done in one day, but that’s just theory. There are so many more little things she has to do and everything takes time. If any of it wasn’t done my dad would say: “Well what the hell have you been doing all day?” as if she had been sat at home twiddling her thumbs. Married women with children who don’t go to work are often called ‘Housewives’. But personally, that doesn’t make sense. She isn’t married to the house, is she? Though equal rights have come far from when women couldn’t even vote (in some countries they still can’t), there is still this expectation that men have of women and of their wives. If a wife is a stay-at-home-mum then she has chosen to look after her children, the future of this world, than to earn money. Many men still think, “Well I earn the money for this household so I don’t need to do much else.” But that isn’t right. That isn’t being equal partners. This condescending outlook is part of the reason my parents aren’t still together, and part of the reason for many other couple’s divorces. Most people have normalised this behaviour so it is often overlooked, especially in the man’s perspective who doesn’t think he’s done anything wrong. But it is the women who notice it, get fed up of it, and stand up against it. Yet when they do, they are seen as nitpicking at the cracks in the relationship, like they’re almost trying to create a problem. I wish this didn’t happen. I wish that women, or even people in general, were not stereotyped or judged for their gender. When I say I’m a feminist, most people think I’m a ‘bra-burner’ or that I’m ‘bias to the female gender’. It’s like people don’t even know the true meaning of feminism. If a guy was a feminist, he wouldn’t be questioned on how he must hate men. Yet many people would ask, “How can you be a feminist if your not female?” I think feminism is underrated and not enough people talk about it, openly. The feminist movement is quite a slow one at that as there is always going to be someone who disagrees and with such things as female chauvinistic pigs, it seems rather hopeless. I think there should be lots of safe places online and IRL for people to talk about these issues, otherwise nothing is ever going to change. Awareness is key, and I just don’t think there’s enough of it.

R

I got off the bus and it was is less minute walk home. I was in jeans, baggy sweatshirt and with a beanie. I crossed the street and I noticed a car slowing down, looking over there is two guys in their car pursing their lips and sending “air kisses” at me. I walked away because it was so out of the blue and I didn’t know what to do.

daisy mee

sitting waiting for a train, well dressed man on phone complaining about trains- it was easter break- very well spoken, a half smile of commiseration towards me. He began chatting about the problems with the trains and then bugger me I found him frequently, surreptitiously staring at my tits!! a 70yrs old man staring at my tits, their all at it?

Fiona

Someone sent an email to a group dsitribution list at work that started “Gents”. Almost 50% of the people receiving the email are female.

An angry teen feminist

I’m 15, and I remember clearly one of the most infuriating cases of sexism I have experienced so far in my life. I’m standing in a queue outside a shop with a friend at lunch time, and two boys behind me start saying “I dare you to grab her ass” and laughing. These boys are in the same year as me at my school. I was afraid, confused as to who the comment was directed at (my friend or myself?) and I was shaking. Turning to my friend, I silently asked her if she was okay and if she wanted to leave. She shook her head and so we stayed. The comments prevailed, and my friend (she’s gay) was upset at some of the homophobic comments that they were throwing our way. Once we had bought our lunch, fuming, I turned round to face the boys and said “You should shut your mouth, neither of you have the right to say these things. Until you (i pointed at one of them who was overweight) stop eating so many doughnuts, tubby, and you (I pointed at the other, who suffered from acne) get your spotty face cleared up, don’t either of you talk s**t about anyone again”. I recognise now that what i said was derogatory and is something I would be embarassed to ever say now, but in the moment it felt fantastic and I didn’t know how to react properly. They were left speechless and my friend, though badly shaken, was smiling. Since then, neither of the boys have made another comment towards either of us. I didn’t recognise it as sexist at the time, all i knew is that it was wrong. A year later and I’ve learned so much more about feminism and I’m so thankful for pages like this for letting people open up about their sexist experiences. May we all continue to support and help one another ♡ Sending Love to you all, An Angry Teen Feminist xx

Maria

I work as a freelance copywriter and got hired to do a project at a bank. I was assigned a visitor’s parking space, a privilege that employees apparantly did not get. During lunch, someone jokingly insinuated I only got the parking space because I am a woman. Furthermore, one of the employees​ I had to work with, continuously referred to me as ‘his girlfriend’ when introducing me to other employees. On another occasion, the project manager received an email from an employee about a copywriting request. This personen asked whether ‘his copydoll’ couldn’t write the needed content. The project manager thought this was hilarious and when I told him the next day that I was not amused, he said that it wasn’t meant disrespectfully and that I shouldn’t make a big deal out of it. There were ‘little’ incidents like this every day (not always concerning me but other women).

FeministHelloKitty

Not really a huge issue, but whenever I was upset at school my male teacher would always ask, in a shy hesitant sort of way, if it was because of my “period” arrrgh!! As if that is the only thing a teenage girl could ever be upset about! Never mind if I am falling behind with coursework, had no sleep because my sister kept me awake having an all-night tantrum for the fifth time this week and I have classmates who would make the characters of Mean Girls look nice! Someone should explain to teachers that there are literally thousands of things in the world more upsetting than a menstrual cycle!