Author Archives: everydaysexism

Gitte

Fik lyst til at dele min historie efter mødet med en skøn Quinde ved #Metoo i lørdags. Jeg møder en fyr på et værtshus i den indre by og drikker nogle øl sammen som venner. Vi bliver enige om at han kan sove i fællesrummet i det bofællesskab, som jeg bor i, da det er for langt at cykle til Albertslund. Kl. 4 om morgenen vågner jeg ved, at jeg er midt i et samleje med ham. Jeg bliver vred, det havde jeg ikke indbudt til, men smider han ud da han er færdig. Jeg tager på Lesbisk uge på Femø og opdager at jeg er gravid. Jeg aner intet om fyren, andet end han hedder Frank og er fra Albertslund. Ugerne går og jeg elsker at være gravid, men bliver talt fra det af veninder og min mor, da jeg kun er 26 år og har et spirende alkoholmisbrug. Jeg går lige til 12. Uge og for fortaget aborten. Jeg tar ud og rejse i tre måneder og begynder nu for alvor at drikke og har angst drømme om at mindste børn og har haft det lige siden, når jeg er i chok eller har mistet. Det er første gangjeg offentligt fortæller min historie og har flere gange fået det bearbejdet hos Psykolog. Det er 37 år siden og har sat dybe spor i mit liv.For Frank var det bare et knald, for mig et helt liv. Kh Gitte

Kim

Jeg var 15 år og gik på efterskole. Vi arbejdede med et filmprojekt på tværs af klasser – hvor jeg, sammen med to andre, skulle lave underliggende lyd. De to andre var en fyr på 18 og én på 16. Vi sad i et lokale for os selv. Pludselig begynder den ældste at klemme på mine bryster. Jeg skubber hans hænder væk. Den anden tager fat i mine arme og holder dem fast. Jeg prøver at vride mig løs, men en den 18 årige hiver min bluse og BH op og mine bryster er blottede. Jeg beder dem stoppe. Jeg tør ikke skrige op, da det vil være mega flovt, hvis nogle kom løbende og så mine bryster. Jeg var jo kun 15 og meget genert. Den 18. åriges hænder er nu på vej ned til mit skridt. Jeg får mig vredet således, at jeg endelig kan give fyren et knæ i skridtet. Han går stønnende ned i knæ og den anden giver slip. Hurtigt hiver jeg blusen ned og løber ud af lokalet. Jeg sagde det ikke til nogen. Jeg sagde blot til læreren at jeg var dårlig og gik over på værelset og græd. Resten af skoleåret undgik de to fyre mig og når jeg var i nærheden, turde de ikke kigge på mig. Dette skete for godt 40 år siden og tilsyneladende er der ikke meget der har ændret sig.

Kim

Snak i frokostpausen, hvor der tales om at i nogle forretninger, må man ikke tage store tasker med ind. En mandlig kollegas kommentar til mig: Har du ikke problemer med at handle i Brugsen, med de store tasker du har? Efterfulgt af grin af egen vittighed. I har sikkert allerede forstået at det ikke var min medbragte håndtaske, der var tale om.

Og sådan er der så meget

Får flere og flere oplevelser op i min bevidsthed, som dengang min venindes fader sagde om mig, der som 17-årig (og ret uskyldig) serverede i Københavns Golfklub, at jeg lignede een, der skulle have pik flere gange dagligt, og min veninde refererede det til mig, som om det var en helt naturlig ting, eller dengang mandlig vaskemaskinereparatør med groft udbrud smider mig ud af mit eget badeværelse i min egen lejlighed, fordi jeg forstyrrede ham med mine (venlige) spørgsmål, eller hvad med kommentarer om mit 14-årige udseende af min stedfaders arkitektven (jo, jo det sker skam også i de bedre kredse) midt i familiemiddagen, eller to mænd, der midt i sovetogkupe om natten syntes, de lige skulle hoppe op i min seng, eller min broder der blev hidsig, fordi jeg som hans storesøster bad ham og hans kammerater om at holde op med at smide nøddeskaller ned på gulvtæppet, mens mine forældre var ude og rejse, og det var mit ansvar at holde huset rent og tage mig af min lillebroder, og han i raseri bar mig ind i mit værelse, smed mig på min seng og smækkede døren så hårdt, at der blev et stort mærke i døren, eller dengang mandlig “ven” beder mig stramme huden på mit ansigt tilbage, og siger nej, det er jo et helt andet ansigt. Jeg var vel 45 og troede, vi hyggede os. Jeg kan også nævne alle de gange, jeg har hørt mandlige kolleger kalde kvinder, og deres kone eller kæreste i særdeleshed, for drager eller kællinger, koste og kraner. Eller indvielsesritual i stort modefirma, hvor alle nyansatte kvinder fik stukket flaske med patentlukning i den ene lomme, hvorefter vi/de skulle åbne den, og vandet strømmede ud og gjorde bukserne helt våde. Alle mænd grinede, og så kunne man gå rundt med våde bukser resten af dagen…….og meget mere af samme slags.

Bekah

For seven months I worked in a research group at a UK university. The group consisted of just two members of staff, me and my manager. On my second day he shouted at me, telling me how stupid I was. Often he would sit next to me with his hand on my leg while we analysed data together. Once I made a mistake in my experiment and he laughed, but clapped me on the back so hard that it hurt. I was very unwell at the time and felt unable to do anything about my manager’s behaviour. I didn’t know where to look for support from my department as I was very isolated from other staff and I knew that other staff had seen what was happening but not taken any action. I knew I needed a good reference from him to get another job. So I left, and pretended it was due to circumstances outside work. I was unemployed for two months while I found another job in a different city. I now work at the same university again, in a different research group, but I sometimes see him, and hide. I don’t know what the right thing is to do. Confront him? Report him? Hope to successfully avoid him until he retires? If he sees me, be polite? Be honest? I don’t know. I hope he isn’t doing the same thing to anyone else. I don’t want to endanger my position and relationships at my current job, and I am still ill, and feel I don’t have the energy to take on the additional stress of making a formal complaint.

Laura M

Life in a small rural area means a sense of forced intimacy. There’s no getting around seeing your neighbours on the regular, as you shop, etc. This makes it particularly tricky when faced with someone overly “handsy” as I have been. His reputation speaks for itself. “Creepy, rapey, watch out”….. He told me himself that he’s “too strong” for most people. I’ve made it a habit to never, ever be alone with him. Last summer he cornered me, “helping” me put my groceries in my truck. He stood pointedly between the door and door frame. I’m hard-wired for politeness and live alone, so I struggle with being assertive enough to make the point but not put myself in harm’s way due to his shredded ego. He’s sizeable and menacing. I asked him politely to move. As I went to leave he suddenly went in for a hug. I kept my hands close to my body. He whispered creepily, “I just want to eat you up.” I replied, “not going to happen” and as he released me his hands grazed my breasts. Gross. Truly no describing how disgusted I feel at this creep. I told friends here and they generally agree, in that Weinstein way, that it’s “just how he is” and he’s “probably not going to change”…. None of the men here seem willing to take him on, despite plenty of stories of him getting aggressive with the local women. Disappointing and infuriating.

Daisy

I was sexually assaulted three times by a guy in my class. I was sick of it, so I reported it. I was relieved that it was over but people started coming up to me asking why I “Snaked on *his name*”. Another guy asked me if I felt aroused after it, and another guy called me a sadist and a bitch. It hurts. These people were once my friends. It’s crazy to think of that now.

Linda LaForge

I have be gropped so many times in public spaces I cannot remember since the age of 13. I have been cat called in public so many times I cannot in public. I have been raped once. I have been stalked by my ex boyfriend who threatened to kill me. I cross the threat to avoid groups of boys or men to avoid comments.

Alice

a couple of guys grabbed my bum multiple times in the nightclub. I couldn’t believe they did this, especially after the Weinstein allegations being all over the news at the moment. I felt horrified, disgusted and violated as if i was just a thing to be taken advantage of, how can they not see that their actions are not right and class as sexual assault. I realised harassment/assault is something women just assume will happen/ high risk of it when on a night out or even during the day. I feel many just think ‘ well there are worse things happening in the world to less fortunate people’ and that becomes an excuse of explanation for harassment/ assault so it is not taken/tackled seriously.

that woman

Sky engineer came to put our satellite dish up. OH and his brother were busy in the garage, and I was dealing with the Sky guy. He was extremely odd and behaving inappropriately. The final straw came when he started to sing a song about him and me being in the bathroom together. I went down to the garage ‘to ask my husband something’ (I needed to be sure that Sky guy knew that there was someone else in the house), and told my OH and BIL about the situation. They said ‘Let us know if you need us’. I was turning to head back up to the house when I thought better of it, and pointed out that I had, indeed, just let them know that I needed them.