Second week into new job: Me: “Can you show me how the database retrieve the values from your system?” (male) Colleague pointing at his monitor: “This is called a magic computer, you have to treat it nicely to get what you want.” wtf? It wasn’t a joke, the tone of his voice was creepy condescending and I was the only woman in the room/ department.
I was groped at a work event. Asked for an apology, when he was sober. He involved his Wife as a ”character witness” to prove he could never do such a thing. He says I made it up.
I’d recently gotten an extremely overgrown allotment which I’d been working hard to clear of the years of neglected grass and weeds with the only tools I had available – a hedge trimmer and a rake. Progress was slow as you can imagine. So I was quite pleased when an old strimmer came up on a free site and I was selected to receive it. I was told to get it in the evening. I don’t have a car, but it was within walking distance so I was happy to make the journey. As it had gotten dark I chose the main road to walk back on – being well lit and with plenty of other pedestrians and cars about I felt I’d be less vulnerable to any potential attacks (because being female and in a city you have to think of these things). As I was walking back a guy who was waiting to pull out of a side road stopped me and called me over – expecting him to be lost and needing directions I walked back to see if I could help. Rather than needing my help it was that he’d decided I could have no good reason for being out after dark with a power tool and had decided to interrogate me about it. I wasn’t up for being disrespected in this manner so quite curtly told him I had no car – hence having to walk with it – and that it was really none of his business, and walked off whilst he continued calling after me. I was acutely aware that should he be of the more psychotic variety I’d opened myself up to him then following me with the car and the situation escalating. So I was left feeling quite vulnerable and exposed for the rest of my walk. But the question I wonder is – would he still have stopped me if I was some big, burly guy? I bet not.
Anyone reading the news item that features the woman in London being catcalled on camera by men in a transit van, filmed by the man behind her, don’t read the comments section if you want to stay sane. The men called her a dog and on her period but according to half of the commenters it’s still not sexism. That’s the polite version of the comments section for you. Props to the man who recorded it!
I am an avid reader and as such, have a vast collection of books. Last year, a friend and her boyfriend came to help me move and they remarked on the fact that I had a lot of books and would it be difficult to move them all so far. The boyfriend later told my friend that I only had so many books because I didn’t have a man to curb my behaviour. This is, sadly, not the first time I’ve heard that women need a man to keep them in check.
Being referred to as a ‘girl’ every day. I am 40, I’ve been a woman for a Long time. When I once asked a Well educated, smart, ge rally supportive co-worker why he kept using ‘girl’ I regards to all women he interacted with, he said it was because ‘women’ had a ‘sexual continuation’.
CONSTANT OPPRESSION OF US WOMEN SHOULD NOT BE TOLERATED. fuck off with your slut comments I love my outfit choice and don’t need a man to tell me what I should wear.
Re George’s comment ” I’ve found that if I’m too loud, too passionate, too outspoken, they will write me off as ‘too emotional’, in no small part due to the fact that I am a woman” Amazingly they (both sexes) do the opposite to me, I’m female and was constantly hassled for being too quiet, “trying to be logical” and not crying which means emotionally blocked if you’re female. Silently judging was another one when I didn’t agree with someone but chose not to say, since it’s their life. Doormat when I didn’t react to a verbal bully. Too nice was another. I choose not to react to others timescales. I have no interest in histrionics. I prefer listening to others opinions than stating my own. In a man that’s admired. Apparently in a woman it’s weird and a weakness. Silence is bitchy was another. Thanks, man I hardly know! This is despite my saying polite and friendly (I’ve also been told off for being too friendly, so wow frigid and friendly, you’ve got to admit that’s an odd combination) And of course, toooo clever. Gobsmacking isn’t it?
When I was 13, a young man (about 20 years old) regularly followed me in his car as I was walking home from school. My step dad told me I should be flattered, and the best way to solve it was to start going out with him. I did well at school, but wasn’t allowed to go to uni as step dad felt it was more important for me to learn to help my mother. I did get a job after a-levels, and my employers paid for my training. I eventually became a qualified accountant. I was a bit stressed leading up to my final exams (who wouldn’t be?). Dad’s solution: stop studying, don’t take the exams, after all, I was engaged to be married. I’m now a chief finance officer, still married, and a proud mum. And the sexist parent still asks me how much more a man would get paid to do my job. (I work in the public sector, so jobs are evaluated, not the gender of the employee. ) Don’t let old fashioned attitudes hold you back.
So I live in the most equal city in the world (Probably), Stockholm, Sweden. I have never experienced sexism as bad as I did one year ago, when I was 16. Once, when I was on my way to work, at maybe 8 or 8.30 in the morning. I was at the Stockholm City Central, walking from the train to the metro. A man, who I had seen on the train, made his way up to me, he stoped me(he grabbed my arm, not hard or anything, just a like “Hey, excuse me”). He asked me about the time, I answered, he asked me about my name, I didn’t. He then got this threatening look on his face and kind of pushed me up the wall. I didn’t know what to do, so I just froze. An old lady who saw me pushed him away and grabbed me and walked me to the metro and made sure he didn’t follow us. I have no idea what his intentions were, but I am 100% sure, that I do not want to know.