Taliba
I’m a middle-aged mature student with three degrees. I made a decision to start doing what I love: writing, so I went back to school one last time. My internship instructor at college has decided that my expressions of concern and anxiety about getting a job after graduation is not because a middle-aged woman in a digital media field is going to face both sexism and ageism. No. It’s because I have a ‘self-esteem’ problem. And he was going to rescue me from it. Not ensure that I was treated fairly in the internship, and get opportunities in-line with my background and skills. Both of my internships were with prestigious organizations. Both treated me like shite. So I would bring to him an example of said sexism and ageism from my internships, like: I received little to no constructive criticism. What little I got was saved for the last day, when I couldn’t implement and learn from it. When I pitched ideas, they were stolen. I was promised work I had pitched and worked on would be completed ‘after I left.’ It wasn’t. Here’s what my middle-aged, white male instructor who’s been gainfully employed since the age of 22 said: “Are you paranoid?” “Did you hear the nice thing someone just said about you, right there?” “There a lot of positive things about you on this evaluation.” (They just won’t give me a public recommendation on my LinkedIn page, meaning they covered their asses.) “I’ve had other students have a much more difficult time at an internship than you.” For her, he tells me they fixed it after she LEFT — not during. He lied about how another student got an internship at a prestigious magazine, both to look good and to ‘encourage’ me to apply, saying the magazine had called him looking for students. In fact, his student got it because his friend worked for the company. I had no chance of getting it. When I had my ideas stolen by my female mentor at the internship I eventually got, nothing was done to protect my intellectual property. And after the internship? “You know, maybe I should have just come down there.” Do do to rescue me from the abuse he ignored, apparently. He was so unsupportive during the first internship, than I saw no point in complaining about the second one, which was even worse. “You told me you didn’t want to work in that field anyways.” I had never said that. My mentor a the internship was telling me everyday that I everything I did was wrong, basically. So, I had wondered aloud at one point, maybe I should look at another area, given that I was getting so much negative feedback and already had experience in another field. (Then she stole my ideas, and all the hate made a little more sense, but that’s another story.) “I just want to you to be able to see your own accomplishments.” Middle-aged women don’t get shit on because they don’t recognized their own accomplishments – it’s because they DO recognize them. “People were probably threatened by you.” No shit — what are you going to do to help is the point of the conversation. I don’t need you to explain that to me. To cap it all off, he would remind me in every meeting about all the connections that he has, while never actually putting my name forward for an ACTUAL JOB. “I can get you in front of someone for an interview for (fill in the blank).” Because you’re so connected an important, meaning, you better not complain about me and my chauvinistic, demeaning behaviour. I figured out quickly that this guy was not going to help me get a job, unless I put up with being demeaned. And even then, probably not. He wants to keep this going, he loves it. So I found myself another mentor: another middle-aged woman in my field who also happens to earn 6-figures. When she gave me some overflow work, he said, “Good for you! Good job!” And the practically patted me on the head. Because his lack of support had nothing to do with my lack of employment. This woman had more work than she could handle, had read my stuff, and knew I would make her look good. So she did what a mentor actually does: put my name forward for a PAYING JOB, and one that paid well for that matter. It’s possible to share the wealth, when you have it. Unless you’re a sexist asshole who’s threatened by strong women who aren’t going to take your shit. Sharing the doesn’t make you poorer. I’ll be in her debt for hooking me up with a good client (who put my on their list of permanent vendors, BTW), and she looks good for sending them someone who delivered. Finally, I managed to network my way into job at the second internship company anyways. I asked around and found another middle-aged man who gave me a shot and after a week told me he’d give me a reference for any other job in the company. Because I’m good at what I do. The best part? The look on the face of my internship mentor when I waltzed into work.