Everyday Sexism

harshini

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I work as a project manager and was recently part of a 9-to-5 workshop with upper management (all men of course.) During the meeting, our boss (the one everyone in the room ultimately reported to) made frequent references to how “the boys” can get the work done and how only “the boys” were responsible for the project, etc etc. Not only was this annoying, whenever he swore or otherwise was moved to profanity he was sure to point out in someway that there was a “lady” in the room or apologize to me – making it doubly uncomfortable for me. Later, I made sure to complain to my manager (who is working hard to be an ally) and he spoke to the boss directly relaying my concerns. I have yet to be part of another meeting with him though and I have almost zero hopes that the feedback would stick. Is this big enough to complain to HR?

Sylvie

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I have a rare autoimmune disease which, albeit slow to develop (years), leads to a specific vitamin deficiency. Other than that one, which is manageable knowing how to, I thankfully have relatively few symptoms. When I first turned vitamin deficient symptomatic at age 16, doctors brushed me off a lot: it was stress, it was this, it was that, I was exaggerating. Having a gut feeling something was wrong, I ended up literally begging one Dr to do my bloodwork. He found the vitamin deficiency (it’s hard to miss in bloodwork), blamed my diet, then stress, then my periods, then again my diet which was not the problem. After this went on for a while, I consulted a female doctor instead, who rooted out the autoimmune disease in a matter of half a week from her first seeing me. By then I’d been symptomatic for four years and probably had the disease itself for some 7-10 years, and I’m thankful the vitamin deficiency symptoms are reversible for otherwise I’d still have numb feet/legs and hands. The thing is I don’t even blame the first doctors for not realising, but I’d have been thankful for a short “I can’t figure this out, maybe consult a colleague/specialist” instead of stubbornly sticking to the narrative that I was creating my own problems.

Enid

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We don’t have school uniforms where I live; pupils generally wear formal-ish streetwear to school (often jeans and a pullover/t-shirt). When I was in sixth grade, a teacher used to ‘pun’ on my then-favourite pullover by calling out “I spot a hot chick” every time I so much as passed him by in the corridor. I eventually stopped wearing that pullover to school.

A

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I was sexually assaulted at work in 2018. The guy came back from drinking on his lunch break and came up behind me when I was working and groped my whole backside while crushing me between his whole body and the wall. I told HR who declined to do anything. Then in 2020 I was repeatedly sexually harassed by about 4 men I worked with who were essentially threatened by my work ethic/style and the fact that I had gotten a promotion over all of them. One stalked me at work while saying inappropriate sexual things to me. Another made inappropriate racial and sexual remarks to me. Another kept trying to coerce me into having lunch with him. And the last trapped me in his car while talking about his sexual history and then tried to remove my glasses off my face while saying creepy sexual things to me even though I kept saying no and pulled away. When I tried to take things into my own hands via the legal system I was then shamed, judged, and blamed by the insurers and doctors involved. I reached out to family for help but they either couldn’t understand, didn’t care, or actively shamed/blamed/didn’t believe me. My friends have all left me due to my unresponsiveness and the fact that I pushed them all away. For two years now I have been struggling with mental and physical health due to all this stress which has left me agoraphobic and scared to leave my house alone. I also haven’t been able to get a new job so I’ve been jobless for two years and relying on dwindling savings and welfare.

S

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I went to turkey with my family. I was 15 at the time. I was groped multiple times in the train by men who were way older than me. I felt so uncomfortable. i din’t say anything but i moved away from them as quick as possible the moment i realised it. it happened about 8 times. Turkey is a hot country so i was wearing a skirt though i know what i was wearing would not matter. Just being a women is enough to be targeted. I once had a long distance friend who i spoke to on instagram, he was a guy and he once told me to show hims my tits. when i said no he said “other girls do that stuff” so i said “not me” he didn’t continue further wiht the request but he did moan over the phone and that was when i went silent on the phone until he hung up. 7 months later he randomly said he wanted to “fuck me” and he once told me that he would want to see “someone fuck me in the bum because it would be funny”, I did not find it funny at all, i felt vulnerable and small. I didn’t realise how bad it was because majority of the time we had a great friendship that it completely took me by surprise when it did come up. I kind of hinted at the shift in his behaviour and he just said “looks can be deceiving”. Once in school i was on a school trip and i went to a girls school, there was a moment when everyone was walking ahead of me and i stood still because i was really caught up daydreaming and suddenly i felt a presence beside me, it was a teacher who stood right next to me in a very empty room so his arm can tough mine and at first i didn’t really think much of it and i thought he would move but he just stood there but facing behind me i turn around and i can see that he was pretending to read writing on a wall but really it was just so he could be close to me i was a kid so i froze up like children normally do when they are scared but i had a feeling that he had this weird interest in me by how he stared at me and how he made sure i sat near him in one of his classes because of his seating plans.

L

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These boys were on my maths class and started discussing maths then one of them said something about bottom and another boy says “yeh X has a big bum” like wtf!! Not sure if this is sexism but it made me feel uncomfortable and I wish I’d done something about it

13 yr old, uk

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I asked for tape in science. In reply, “go and make me a sandwich” from 12 yr old boy. they’re being taught these bullshit stereotypes this young.

L

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This is really small compared to others but I’m going to share it anyway .So I was gathered by this male teacher to tell us of for our skirts being to short and one of the girls asked why and he said it was because it was a distraction to the male teachers. Like wtf. Anyway I went home and told my mum and she didn’t believe me neither did my mum’s friend whose a teacher at the school. She said I was making it up! Also on a smaller note we always learn about males in history and hardly any female figures:but tbh it is taught by a male teacher so…..

L

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So at my school we were playing netball and NONE of the boys would pass to us girls. i also have this friend who will never choose any girls for his football team because he says he wants to win .

Alice

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I injured my ankle and saw a doctor with my husband in the room – he’d driven me to hospital because of the injury. The doctor (who was a man) asked me if I worked and I replied that I was a teacher. The doctor wrote this up as, ‘It was a pleasure to see Alice with her husband. She works in a play school.’ I have loads of respect for anyone who works in a play school but I teach secondary maths and I bet that if I’d been a man, he wouldn’t have made that assumption, mentioned the spouse or even asked me if I worked.