When I was 17 I went to a mixed gender after-ball party with friends being held in a hotel. We were all drinking and I became inebriated. The next morning I woke up in a bed naked with two boys either side of me. I was mortified. I had no recollection of what had happened that night, and was relieved that I could feel that I hadn’t been penetrated.
A supposedly good male friend of mine was laughing when he told me that he had heard me from the bathroom saying “No, stop, I love *my then boyfriend’s name*”.
I was in shock and felt that because they were laughing about it, I should laugh about it too. That it wasn’t a big deal. I was embarrassed because I thought it was my fault that I’d had too much to drink. I didn’t want to think about it so I thought I could bury it and move on.
It’s only now at 27 that I’m starting to realise the massive impact that this has had on me. Those boys took what they wanted with no regard for my lack of consent. I felt shame, I felt powerless and I blamed myself for what had happened.
It’s not ok. This needs to change. I won’t be silent any longer.