lou

I went to my first proper party last night and drank and got a little drunk. A bunch of boys needed a ride home and we agreed since we know most of them at least kind of, and most of them are nice. One of them had been quite friendly all night and even asked me to be his pong partner; by the time we reached the car I was feeling the booze and he insisted I had to sit next to him bc I was the only one small enough. Once I sat down he immediately put his arm around me and started stroking my thigh, moving under my leg towards my butt and up my side toward my chest. I kept wiggling trying to signal my discomfort, put my hand under my butt to act as a blockade but he persisted. Leaning his head into my neck, breathing on me, kissing my shoulder. Eventually I turned to him and said “I know what you’re doing and we’re not doing this.” And he acted shocked and innocent. I went on trying to keep the mood light even tho in all honesty I wanted to cry, I wanted to get out of the car, after years of studying rape culture reading horror stories thinking that could never to me, feeling the kind of paralyzingly fear every women has described, I instead said “we were pong partners once, you know what that means? Absolutely nothing.” He goes “oh it means a lot of things” as he leaned back into my neck. I grabbed his wrist and pulled his arm away from me, he then protested “I can’t fit in the car like this come on.” And so again I agreed for whatever reason and said “fine you can keep your arm around me but only PLATONICALLY okay?” He said okay but he didn’t mean it. That was the longest car ride of my entire life.