Need some advice.
I am female and use the women’s toilets. I am only attracted to men. I do not use make-up other than clear chap-stick to protect my lips because I see make up as a form of dishonesty to conceal one’s true intentions (plus men don’t have to wear it to be taken seriously so why should I!). Also make up containing muscovite mica often contains stone sourced from child labour in India. I do not want to support the exploitation of children in mica mines, hence I do not wear blusher or eyeshadow. I also wear trousers and don’t go in for women’s fashions. I use gender neutral names online and never disclose the fact that I am female. When I present as gender neutral online, I rarely run into difficulties.
People keep calling me a “lady” in real life even though it makes me feel uncomfortable and makes me feel like I don’t fit the restrictive gender mould that people try and shove me in. Work bosses, teachers, public transport drivers and random people on the street have called me this. It kind of irks me a little when adults tell their children to “Thank the nice lady (me?!)” if I hold the door open. A simple thank you with no “lady” attached will do. I don’t carry around a parasol, cotton gloves or wear a dress so I am really not a “lady” at all!
I don’t know, short of binding my chest in a very oppressive way or disguising my hips in a dishonest way, how will I stop people calling me “lady”?
I don’t really want to subject my body to this physical stuff or any invasive expensive surgery. I just want to be me in my own body. People keep making comments on my female body, so it is often very hard to be happy in my own skin.
It is worse when other women are around in because people say “Hello ladies” to all of us. Ugh. I would just say “hello everyone”, not ladies now because I am aware that some people may have other gender identities.
I don’t feel like a “lady”, I feel like a female person who just wants to be called by the greeting “hello”.
Being called a “lady” seems to give some men (some, not all, some men are nice and considerate) the right not to listen and talk over me.
I never really was comfortable with being called a “lady” or being treated like one. I am happy just to be referred to as a woman, female or my name (though I really wish that I could change my real life name and title to something more gender neutral!).
People can see that I look uncomfortable when I am called a “lady” so what should I do?
Should I explain to them that I used to watch Robot Wars and play video games as male characters or would that be a complete waste of time?
I really don’t want to seem unfriendly or rude, but at the same time, I am really unhappy with being shoved into the “lady” gender stereotype box.
I remember ages ago watching a woman on TV with a short haircut who said that while they had female body parts, this person didn’t see their body as belonging to any particular gender. This person was their own identity. I thought that this person was awesome when I was young. I still think that this person is awesome now!