I had a rough time at university. I had two very beautiful female friends in my first year, and I was constantly told stuff like “don’t worry, anyone would look ugly stood next to those two” when I had said nothing to contribute to a conversation about these girls. One guy saw a picture of me from sixth form, when I had been a size 8, (now a size 10 so not fat), and he said “I want to fuck that girl” and then encouraged me to go to the gym. I’m ashamed to say I did straight after that conversation.
The boys in my halls were all about hooking up with girls and joking about them, often after my friends had slept with one of the guys they’d be treated like desperate whiny girls and ignored. I actually put effort into being one of the ‘cool girls’ for a long time, by joining in their sexist humour and pretending their constant comments about my appearance didn’t bother me. And it worked – they thought I was really cool. After all it’s only ‘banter’.
I slept with one of the guys once, and didn’t want to again. We didn’t know each other well at the time but actually became better friends after, we had similar taste in music and would be up till 5am playing each other stuff. It was never more than friendly on both sides. One night after we’d been out, he came to my room as I was getting ready for bed. We lay at opposite ends of the bed chatting about stuff for hours and I kept saying I felt really ill, I was lying down but it was as if I was going to faint. Eventually he said that he wanted a blow job and I kept telling him I didn’t want to, I was feeling unwell and didn’t want to sleep with him again. He persuaded me into it and I stopped after a few minutes really angry with myself for getting talked into it. I had a massive go at him and kicked him out my room. Yet he’d still be so rude about my looks in front of everyone all the time.
One other guy I was friends with once brought a virgin home with him after a night out, he was telling us the next day how she’d had a hairy vagina and he told her to go and shave and gave her a razor. She did, and when she came back he told her she’d done an awful job and to go back and try again. She did, and then she slept with him. When he told us, the boys were laughing and saying stuff like ‘savage’ while I told him that was horrible. I couldn’t help but think about this poor girl having lost her virginity in such a horrific manner.
After a brief summer fling with a really lovely guy in my home town, I met up with this group of boys I’d become friends with at a festival. The first night, I didn’t go out because I was so upset. They left me sobbing in a tent all night because I was suddenly able to see how unpleasant they were. I gave up trying to be friends with them, continually pleading with my beautiful best friend to see how sexist they were. She constantly rolled her eyes at me and kept hanging out with them and wouldn’t protest if they were rude about my appearance in her presence. She thought I was just being dramatic.
By the end of second year, I had majorly drifted from all my friends and my best friend as a result of this. They acted as if I were some crazy girl making a fuss over everything and I felt really alienated from all of them. I’m now not in contact with any of them, but I still have this niggling thought that I just should’ve had thicker skin, just put up with it, join in. I had such a confidence low, hate the way I look now as a result of uni. I used to be so much more confident and outgoing but the experience really beat it out of me.
Just sharing that I feel like I lost all my friends because of their attitudes towards belittling women all the time, it wasn’t just me either, a few of the other girls who knew them had ditched them and all felt the same way.