Anonymous

When I was 11 I went on a guide exchange program in Holland and me my friend and my Dutch exchange partner were at this small playground at night. I was a bit nervous as being outside at night has always put me on edge but her mum could see us from the living room window so I wasn’t too worried. We were sat on the swings when these boys rode up to the playground on their bikes and then came over and started saying things in Dutch and laughing. I had no idea what was going on so just kept my eyes on the floor trying not to be noticed (I’m a pretty shy person anyway). Then my exchange partner nudged me so I finally looked up and all the boys were staring at me and grinning and the tallest one said something in Dutch and they sniggered and my exchange partner just looked at me like she didn’t really wanted to translate but she did and he had said ,”I dare you to have sex with me”. At this point I was panicking, and the boy was making sex noises and so I just said no and stared at the floor again. They all laughed and said some more stuff and my exchange partner said, “they’re saying you’re frigid”. After that they got bored and left. I was still quite shaken being a quiet 11 year old who had never encountered anything like that. But my friend and exchange partner just shrugged it off and said they were just ‘dicking around’. When we got back into her house her mum asked what the boys had wanted as she’d seen them from the living room window. I felt a bit embarrassed at being called frigid for not wanted to have sex with a random 15 year old whose penis would have frightened me just as much as a knife, even though I had nothing to feel embarrassed at all. Then I felt ashamed about feeling embarrassed about it because like my friend said they were clearly just dicking around and they weren’t going actually rape me. So I didn’t say anything to her mum and I haven’t mentioned it at all until now. Now I’m 14 and I can clearly see what happened was wrong and nothing to do with me, my body or how whether I’m fridid or not. Honestly I still worry about being frigid even though I’m 14 and just because other people are having sex it doesn’t mean I have to. My friends call me innocent because I haven’t watched porn and I don’t and can’t masturbate yet, even though they are only 14 too. This wouldn’t bother me it’s just it reminds me of what happened in Holland and I was pretty scared and secretly upset at what those boys had said so its not something I’d like to remember. I bet some people will read this and think I need to grow a thicker skin and get over it and that I’m overreacting and it shouldn’t affect me as much as it does. And that thought is quite scary in itself because it means that what happened is normal and it might happen again. I haven’t told anyone until now but it’s good to get it off my chest even if this is anonymous.