I have been told countless times over my life that I am queer because I was raped and/or experienced sexual trauma with a man (I have not, miraculously.) Everyone from family, to colleagues to literal strangers feel comfortable telling me this/making this assumption. Once, when talking to my mother, she told me I was only queer because of “that boyfriend who gave you HPV.” I honestly stopped trying with family regardless of sexuality because they insist my queerness is due to abuse. It’s perplexing, as most of them have experienced sexual trauma and/or been raised with single moms – and yet all but a few of us are straight. I’ve gotten apologies for not protecting me from some sexual abuse they’ve invented, but never apologies for voting for legislation limiting my rights as a queer parent. It’s just so strange! Even in my same-gender loving life, I am measured by the actions of men. It can’t possibly be that I am really, really attracted to and deeply in love with women lol.
