Tag Archives: Bar

Ciara

I was waiting to be served at a (busy) bar on a Saturday night. I hear a comment about me from the man next to me but didn’t quite catch what he said. Naturally, I just gave him a dirty look and continued to try and catch the attention of the bar staff so I could order a drink. This guy obviously didn’t like the look I gave him and, among other things, told me I was being ‘disrespectful’ – to which I responded by saying i didn’t own him any respect (obviously). This was followed by a heated argument, where I was called fat, a dirty slag and he threatened to pour his pint over my head. Throughout the argument i kept my cool but did repeatedly call him vile and he said ‘other girls don’t think so’…(so witty)….I said I felt sorry for them. So I just carried on with my night in the bar etc ignoring his presence. He then came up to me and my friends again and told me that if I carried on the way I was I’d end up in hospital…I couldn’t help but smirk when he was talking to me, partly out of sheer disbelief of what was being said to me… Anyway, he continued being abusive towards me and my friends (but mostly me), telling me that I would end up alone, that I was a ‘helmet’, disrespectful etc.I defended myself eloquently without raising my voice or swearing – I also reminded him that he came up and spoke to me and I asked him to leave repeatedly. I told him I thought he had a problem with women, to which he replied saying that I was not a woman, I was a piece of shit. To me, the last sentence summarises this post perfectly – he was disgusted by the fact I said he has a problem with woman but I was not a woman, I was a piece of shit.

Phil

At the weekend I went into the Golden Lion Pub in York (UK) with my Wife, we sat at a table and where able to enjoy a drink watching the football on the TV, have a quiet chat about our week and the game that was on. A group of 10 young men on a Stag party arrived, dressed in women’s clothing they had ‘bought for a laugh’ from a charity shop. Within minutes of their arrival they took over a quarter of the bar area and they began to loudly share with one another and anyone within ear shot their sexual exploits from the weekend and in very graphic detail describe their sexual encounters. It was abusive and offensive language, degrading and shameful behaviour. Not in the slightest entertaining, not funny, not banter.. I was sickened by their behaviour and that I and my wife could not avoid hearing them. I am embarrassed to admit that feeling out numbered I did not intervene and felt helpless to the point of abandoning our drinks and leaving the pub. I feel I let my wife down in not stopping it. Four days later and I can not get this event out of my mind.

b

A dude at a friend’s party told me once that “all women are crazy”. His pregnant wife was in the same room. The only time I have worn a dress above the knee in the last decade, I was roofied at a bar. My male band mates thought I was drunk and took me back to my hotel room. I woke up with no memory of how I made it to my hotel room. I tried to drink water but I kept pucking it up. I was really freaked out. I couldn’t drive my car home and my check-out time was soon, but none of band mates believed me when I told them I had been drugged and they left me at the hotel. I finally called a nearby female friend, who, no questions asked grabbed her husband and 1-year-old son and picked me and my car up. The next week, one of my band members went off via our group text about how drunk I was and tried to discredit the story I told to the police. I felt so uncomfortable after that, I left the group. To this day, when I tell people what happened, I still get, “but nothing happened, right?”

Lara

I was in a student bar with some friends at a saturday night. It was a lively place and people already had started dancing. When we went to the bar to order something to drink, a man “accidentally” grabbed my butt. I turned around, looking that man straight into his eyes and said: “Why did you just grabbed my butt? This is disgusting”. He smiled at me, looked to his two friends who supported him by standing behind him, and said: “Oh donĀ“t you make such a fuss, I have a girlfriend”. I answered that I felt sorry for his girlfriend and thought I had handled the situation adequatly. My friends said, I should ignore it. After a while at the dancing floor, the same man and the same pals of him came to me again to grab my butt. I went to the waiter at the bar to let them be throw out. But they already ran away. The worst thing that night was not these three guys harassing me, but my friends who did not even care. They said, as long as nothing happend I should not make such a fuss. There were a little embarrest that I was being so angry. They said, my reaction even make them feel better and provoked them to continue harrasing me. They blamend me. I was sad, but not agry at my friends. It is just terrible that young and strong women think and behave like this. Here is a call to all the women that are reading my story: Support other women when recognising they are harrased by man. And man should do so, as well.

Rosie

When I was sexually assaulted in a bar I didn’t realise it was a matter for the police. I told my mum and when I got home she said the police were going to come and take a statement. I was worried because I didn’t feel like my assault was not good enough for police time.

anon.

a man in a smalltown bar felt it absolutely proper to feel up my bottom, lifting my dress to expose my body at the same time. apparently this was ‘justified’ by nothing other than that I was female, in a dress, standing nearby. or perhaps because I had also been polite / ‘friendly’ (socially, not euphemistically). the man was ‘someone important’ locally, and I, apparently, was not. no one seemed to think this inappropriate, even when I immediately spoke out, not even the bartender.

Sophie

Was at a week long training course that provided accommodation and a bar. After a couple of nights in the bar with this particular man giving me creepy looks he eventually came up to put his hand on my arm and said ‘your stunning, but I bet you have a boyfriend’, (very annoying because I do, but do not like using that fact to bat away unwanted attention for obvious reasons), I said ‘yes’, he then starts rubbing my arm, so I look disgusted, then walk away. Later on he comes over and tries again, I then get annoyed and say ‘I’m not interested’ to which he replies ‘Oh my god, your such a stuck up bitch’.

G

I was sat waiting for my friend to come back from the toilets in a bar when a man pinched my bum. I told him I didn”t want him to touch me and two minutes later it happened again. I snapped and tipped my drink over him and then all of his female friends told me that it was all a joke. He got kicked out and so did I but it’s not a joke and it’s not OK.

Caitlin

I was out with four guy friends. There was an older man at the bar who would not stop staring at me. At first I tried to ignore it, but it got to the point where he was fully turned around in his seat to get a clear, unflinching look at me. I looked directly at him and asked if I could help him. He turned his back to me. Sure enough, a couple minutes later, he was fully turned around again. This time I flipped him off. He did nothing but continue to stare in a scary, hungry way. It was at this point that one of my guy friends told me to stop because he didn’t want to have to deal with any trouble. Another told me I should be happy that I’m someone guys want to stare at. Thank you for invalidating my feelings, making it okay for a man to treat me like an object, and promoting rape culture. You guys are doing great things.