In a student church discussion about dating and relationships, girls were told to be careful what they wear to church so not to distract the boys during worship?! Women were told to cover up and think about how much make up they wore on Sunday so to “honour your brothers and sisters in faith”. It was told to 200+ students by a female student leader so disappointing- especially hearing many male students agreeing with her! Surely the point to make is why are guys checking out girls during worship, rather than focusing on God?! Also why must females honour but no emphasis on males honouring women? Forever blaming women 🙁
The pastor at my church told me to “Let the boys handle that, it’s too heavy for you” when I tried to carry something after mass.
Being a christian who doesn’t believe in the “women were put on earth to be submissive and quiet to their husbands” idea, and who is surrounded by people who do believe in it, I’ve heard a variety of sad things from both men and women in the church about women. – One preacher said that Eve was the one destined to eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evil instead of Adam because “women are easier to deceive than men”. – Another preacher preached an hour long sermon about women’s needing to dress more appropriately and said “None of you men in here can deny that when a woman walks into the church in a short skirt, you don’t gawk at her.” – Yet another preacher made the statement during a sermon that boys should go to college when they finish high school but girls should stay with their father until they marry because girls shouldn’t be out in the world to be tempted. – A preacher’s wife was praised by many women on Facebook after she made a post about how she was going to stop paying attention to politics and trust in her husband to guide them towards the correct candidate to elect for president. – Another girl I know wrote a blog post about embracing the differences between men and women instead of shunning them. Okay, good for you. But then some of her differences to embrace was that she was emotional and felt deeply and he was good at keeping his emotions in check and being unwaveringly strong. Why should we embrace men being emotionless??? – I have heard the phrase a million different times that the husband is liken to God and the wife is liken to the church. Like, what? No??? My husband is not a god. I have heard so many sermons preached about how men should not compare themselves to God or act as gods, but then they turn right around and use this analogy for marriage? – I read an article on how to be a submissive wife. Some of the ways included: Encouraging your husband to pursue his dreams, not rubbing it in his face when he was wrong about something, never treating him as an inferior or insulting him, dressing sexy to have sex with him and even sometimes initiating the sex. I feel so sorry for this woman because she literally thinks this is her role in marriage as a woman, but she doesn’t seem to realize that this is the role any person, male or female, should have in a marriage. If your husband thinks encouragement, basic human kindness, and wanting to have sex with him is your duty and he doesn’t owe you the same . . . there is a problem. What is his duty then? To protect you? Tell you who to vote for for president? Keep you from going to college so you don’t get tempted? I love my church, I love my God . . . but sometimes the people really bother me.
I find that in my church, every time we mention men and women, men is said prior to men. More sadly, there are only religious clothes for men. I don’t have any. We can only stand aside and watch them participate in the ceremony. I don’t necessarily like those clothes. I also think these traditions are beautiful. People are so so so nice to me. But at the same time I feel enormously uncomfortable by the exclusion of women, and the secondary status of women in this religion.
When I was 16, just 3 years ago. My female Youth Pastor pulled me aside at a youth retreat in which we were about to go play games in the gym upstairs. She told me to change out of my yoga pants because they were inappropriate and showed off too much of my butt. I told her it was my body and I didn’t really mind. She then yelled at me and continued to explain that the boys would come to her and tell her that when the girls dressed in this manner it made them have sinful thoughts. That I was the distraction. That I was causing the boys to sin. I told her they need to control their thoughts then. She said no. She said that boys naturally have these thoughts. That this is normal for boys to do and we need to help them by covering our bodies. In which my Aunt promptly agrees with her statements. They made me question my budding feminist beliefs at the age. They made me think maybe they were right. That maybe boys couldn’t control these thoughts. They made me feel so ashamed of myself that I went and changed. To this day the memory will just pop up into my head and it makes me feel disgusted.
I am tired of the misogyny in church. I was told by a saint of God (Mother in TPM church) not to wear half-sleeve shirts (sleeve more than 5 inches down my shoulder), as they show my hands!! From my elbow to fingers. Apparently, we girls, who are only good for reproduction and doing chores, should take care to not be a temptation to boys. Well, teach them not to be tempted. By our hands.
I was helping out at the local food pantry stuffing boxes of food for people who couldn’t afford to buy enough food for a Thanksgiving dinner. Anyway, one of the jobs is to unload the cans of vegetables and whatnot from the trucks. I have always preferred to do the more “gritty” work – I suppose that’s what you’d call it – like setting out tables and chairs or moving bags of dirt around. I’ve never really liked decorating tables and “making things pretty.” So as I was helping to unload the many boxes of canned yams and corn and green beans, an older lady told me to stop. She said that I should “let the men do the heavy lifting” and asked me to help put bows on all the boxes instead. I immediately was offended. Of course I didn’t say anything because I thought well this lady is from a different generation – her views on women’s role in society is different. But it’s always bothered me to this day and it’s been about 3 years since it happened.
Often our church office administrator will receive phone calls from someone asking to speak to the pastor. When the call is forwarded to me, the pastor, the person calling sometimes says, “oh. May I speak with the Senior Pastor,” implying that as a woman I couldn’t possibly be the senior pastor. I experience this as well when meeting someone for the first time and answering the question, “what do you do for a living?” Even though I answer, “I’m a pastor,” the person will assume I mean children’s pastor and will ask me questions about the children’s ministry of the church.
My family is Mormon, and has been all my life. The Mormon church is extremely sexist, from shaming girls into being more modest to only allowing men to have “the priesthood” (basically the spirit of god), which causes all Mormon boys to have this feeling of superiority. I’ve lost count the number of times this specific boy from my church has harassed me at church dances. He even found out my schedule at school (No way in hell did I tell him) and has followed me at school a bit. It got to the point where I slapped him across the face with my shoe at a dance and he STILL follows me around. Nobody does anything because “he probably likes you!!!” and Mormon boys are taught that women are essentially objects. A lot of our activities at youth group are cooking, sewing and learning “how to be a good wife and mother (i shit you not, that was an actual lesson). Little do they know i’m gay and an atheist lmao
The first time I was catcalled, I was just 12 years old; I was a tall child, but I was clearly not of age. I remember walking into church with my mom- I was waring a knee length, brown floral dress and my hair was in a single braid down my back. The church was buried in a neighborhood and there were men drinking on a front porch across the street from the entrance of the church. They began to call out to me in Spanish- inviting me into their home, their bedroom, their lap- anything that would make my head turn. I immediately felt ashamed, humiliated and embarrassed. My mom told them off and asked me to keep walking. I remember her shouting across the street, “She’s only 12 years old! She’s only 12 years old! Doce años! Doce años! Please leave her alone!” The men simply snickered and continued drinking. Unfortunately the harassment has only gotten worse as I have gotten older. Will there ever be a day when I can walk down the street in peace? When I wont question whether or not my clothing choice is an “invitation” for harassment?