Tag Archives: dad

Alice <3

So, me my brother and my dad would always go see the new marvels movies, its our tradition, but when wonder woman came out and i expected to go i asked my dad and he told me “no alice, thats a womans movie” and that. HMM i couldnt believe my dad would say that to me, i am already going through alot of shit and now hes sexist to his teenage daughter, like what type of dad would do that.


When I was 14 I was traveling down on the train with a friend to visit my dad in London. When I arrived he was shocked that we hadn’t received “unwanted attention”, as we were wearing shorts and t shirts, and he considered out shorts to be too short. I felt very embarrassed as I hadn’t even considered the possibility of being sexualized, but it seemed as though that’s how he viewed it or else why would he have said it? Since then he has asked and made sure I plan to wear clothing that offers more coverage for journeys, as though it’s my responsibility to avoid harassment. He also, when discussing other women he sees wearing shorts whom he finds provocative, mentions the incident again, saying they are similar to the ones I wore on the train journey, where I was lucky to have made it the whole way without any trouble. It makes me feel disgusted he talks about other women this way, and also disgusted that he compares them to myself at 14


I love my dad and have always felt supported by him so I was very saddened to hear him calmly explain to me recently that the reason women don’t play snooker is because “our arms don’t move like mens and our boobs would get in the way”. I tried to explain to him it was due to ingrained sexism preventing women feeling comfortable entering snooker clubs, leaning over tables to be potentially leered at and the burden of history of a sport that originated in gentlemens clubs. He just scoffed at me. My mum was thrown out of a pub in the 1970’s for refusing to stop playing pool with a female friend.


Whenever I cook or clean or do something traditionally ‘homely’ my dad will say to me “You’ll make a lovely wife for a man someday”. This pisses me off on two accounts, the first being that as a woman it is not my job to cook and clean for a man, it’s for my own happiness/comfort/not wanting to live in a shit hole. The second account is that at as a bisexual who prefers female I don’t even necessarily want a man!


I decided recently to cut my hair short and dye it an unusual colour. My dad and grandparents and that side of the family didn’t take any kind of offence to the fact I was bleaching and damaging my hair and dyeing it a crazy colour, but their problem was with the fact that it was short, because it wouldn’t make me look as feminine. I love my short hair, and I frankly do not care about how “feminine” I do or don’t look, and am glad it’s been cut, because it’s sure better for me than long hair.


My dad always says that me and my sisters, for being women, we have to work harder to study so we can be better and no depend of a man. But, one day, when he returned from work and found out the house was not entirely clean he said “How is possible that the house is like this when four women lived here!”

L N.Ireland

I once thought that the strong older women in one part of my family, who’s above average height and shoe size I shared, were the head of a confident matriarchy and that one day I would step into their above average shoes. Now as a 27 year old woman, and having become my grandmother’s primary carer as her mental health declines and her forgetfulness becomes dangerous, I realise that this matriarchy is actually the product of my family’s misogyny. The women ‘take charge’ because the men won’t. I don’t want to sound like a martyr, I am happy that I am in a position where I can support and help my grandmother – I don’t want a f*cking medal, but a little acknowledgement would make a world of difference. But they see that it’s just my ‘place’ to do all these things, my granny had two sons; my mum and dad are divorced, as are my uncle and his wife, I am the next oldest female – so of course it is my place to step up. When I told my great aunt that I was struggling between work and organising my grandmother’s permanent care, fixing her house so it’s safe and attending all her medical appointments with her and that I hadn’t even heard from my dad in weeks she told me that “Men are just different” “They don’t see the things we do” – ie they don’t have to do the things we do. They can do as they please without consequence; They can waste time money and relationships They can be unreliable, un-trying, uninterested because ‘that’s just how he is’ Yet they’ll still be praised! “Your father!” I hear on a weekly basis, the ‘matriarch’s’ aging eyes welling up with pride at the man who barely sees her “he’s so good” ‘To whom?’ I feel like asking, because I’m the one looking out for and after everyone, working full time in a successful job, paying a mortgage, trying my bloody hardest – but then that’s my place isn’t it? That career is only a placeholder until I grant my husband children, something to busy myself with…. My dad came to my house to ‘have a talk’ with me the other night, I thought that maybe he realised what I am doing, that I need help or at least that he should acknowledge the effort. But he wanted to talk about my brother and how he wanted him to get a job (he’s never had to) and a girlfriend (“so he’s not frustrated”!!). He said “I’d love to be able to say that ‘yeah, my son’s a bricklayer’ or ‘aye he’s doing well, he’s a gardener’ you know?!” I did know, but I didn’t know what to say. I guarantee you my dad couldn’t tell you what company I work for (despite it being one of the Big 4) or what my job is (I’ve been here 4 years) or even what my degree is in. He isnt proud of me, or if he is he’s never told me. It doesn’t matter how successful I am, how hardworking, how thoughtful and kind. One thing this whole heartbreak has done for me is make me appreciate the one reliable, honest and caring man I do know – my husband, i’m very lucky