Tag Archives: dating

Jaclyn

When I was eighteen, I managed the front desk of a yoga studio. As the studio catered primarily to women, I was pleasantly surprised to see a man begin to attend the classes. When he scanned into class, his personal information popped up on the screen, so I could see that he was eight years older than I was at the time. One day, he came out of class and asked how old I was. When I told him that I was eighteen, he said, “Oh my god!” and asked for my number so that we could “go on a date some time”. I was flattered, and I gave him my cell phone number. A few days later, we attended a 6:15 AM yoga class together, and I wore leggings and a workout shirt. He told me, “Next time, you should probably wear shorter shorts”. When I told him that I wore what I was comfortable in, he rolled his eyes at me. I was reluctant to go out with him again, but it was a particularly hot day in summer, and he invited me to a “pool party” that ended up just being him and me. He kept pressuring me to take my top off. When I told him I had to stay out of the water because my mom was ill (ALS) and I had to make sure I heard the phone if it rung, he called me a priss and asked me to leave.

Elinor

I met a guy 33-35 on Tinder. I have him my number to arrange what he suggested as get to know you over a glass of wine. Since he had my number, he began sexually harassing me by phone and sending me really inappropriate texts and explicit pictures of his aroused genitals. I reported him to Tinder. He needs to realise there is a real person at the end of this and that it’s not acceptable to sexually push yourself on a woman when they have clearly stated what they are looking for which is not hooking up and their intention is wanting to get to know someone and develop trust. Previously I have met some great guys on Tinder, never who’ve been anywhere near as rude and inappropriate as this. That’s why I know it’s wrong. What would a guy’s employer say if they knew they were being explicit like this to a woman and sending unwanted pictures of sexual arousal to them with explicit language? I told him if he sent me another picture I would call the police and report him. I can see online there have been cases such as this. I have never had these issues before as a frequent user and am so angry. Why is this ok?? Considering so much is online gear days, I think apps like Tinder should be leading the way in setting guidelines for conduct and letting men know that this is completely inappropriate and actually offensive to forcefully send pictures of erections or sexual activity to female users. In an office, if a man got his penis out like this in front of me or even said some of the stuff he said it would be classed as harassment. When I made a thing of his behaviour and called him out on it, he said it was my fault for being on the app and clearly I had no idea what it was for. As he’s the only guy that’s done this, I think he is obviously in the wrong. Also, that there is an urgent need for conduct like that is to be challenged and changed.

Dating

Been dating a woman for about 2 months, not once has she even pretended to offer to pay for her half. I’m sick of it – she earns more than I do yet I’m always out of pocket. I’ve had this before and I had to say goodbye as I’m not a walking ATM! Why do woman think their time is worth more than mine, what happened to equality? Why do I have to effectually compensate her for her time by providing money?

Dave

Online dating appears to be used by a significant number of woman just to get a free day/night out from gullible men. The old traditional gender role that men earn the money and pay for woman has rightly gone in the name of equally. Woman can now rightly earn money and be independent – yet they still hold on to what is principally a privilege of not having to pay on dates. Leaving men out of pocket even though most woman will have made up their minds if a second date will happen long before any bills are paid on the first one. I believe strongly in equally between the sexes yet find it hypocritical that even my strongest feminist friends will happily live a double standard and maintained this sexism.

First date

Met a guy for the first time through an online dating site. The whole date went well, he was nice and courteous throughout. We were standing in front of the beach just as the date was coming to an end, it was windy and we were both facing the sea. Out of the blue he says, ‘are you trying to cover your cleavage?’. I lost my cool completely and gave him a piece of my mind. We ended the date and headed home. He was extremely sorry for his behaviour. But where the hell does such an audacious comment come from when you have just met a girl?

Nicki

I told this guy I had been dating that I didn’t want to have sex until we were definitely in a committed relationship. We hung out 3-4 days per week for a few weeks and were sleeping over at each other’s places. He was texting me a few times per day just to chat. We were getting really close and I decided I was ready to have sex. I told him that. We had sex. The next day he didn’t text me. his excuse was that he was sick. I decided I would let it slide, once. The rest of the week he texted me unenthusiastically once per day, almost as if it were obligatory for the rest of the week. I saw him on Friday night. I told him that the lack of communication wasn’t ok. We talked, he said he had had a really stressful week at work and almost had gotten fired. He said he would get back to normal. He didn’t. Another week went by of the same shit. We talked again. He didn’t go back to normal again. I feel manipulated.

Krista

It doesn’t always happen, but… It really sucks when I’m dating a male love interest and he asks about my past relationships, learns of my bisexuality, and doesn’t take it seriously, even if I tell him I’m monogamous. “It’s fine if you sleep with a woman, as long as I’m there too!” He said. I laughed it off as a joke the first time, but he said it every time we were reminded of my sexuality. I always told him that for someone monogamous like myself, three-ways are not my thing, but I guess ten times isn’t enough to get through to him. I finally snapped at him at the end about how disrespectful he was when he treated romantic/sexual relationships between two women like they weren’t valid or real, or were for his pleasure. But in the end, he still said the same things to me. “You can do anything you want with a woman! As long as I’m there too!” I really don’t know why I let this relationship last beyond the first day, but I’m glad it didn’t last long.

Marie

Around 5 years ago a colleague asked me out on a date and I accepted. We had a nice night but I quickly realised that I wasn’t interested in him romantically. I had come out of a relationship around a year earlier and if I’m honest I was still in love with this other guy and not ready for a seriously relationship, which was what my date clearly wanted. I tried to communicate this to him after he had very kindly driven me home but he wouldn’t take no for an answer so I ended up agreeing to trying things out with him, although I explained that we would have to take things emotionally and physically slowly. We then end up kissing in the front seat of his car and he proceeds to place his hand under my dress and insert his finger into my vagina. I had literally just told him that I wanted to take things slowly and he proceeds to touch me sexually! I stopped kissing him and told him that this was “too soon” and he removes his hand and we start kissing again and literally 30 seconds later he proceeds to do the same thing again. I didn’t say anything to him and I just thought you had your chance, I asked you not to and you’ve gone and done it again so I know now that I don’t want anything more to do with you. The next day he sent me a load of text messages and offered to drive me home from work. I told him not to because I was perfectly happy to get public transport plus he wasn’t working that day and we lived in completely opposite parts of the city but he still wouldn’t take no for an answer. I had a text message when I got out of work telling me he was waiting for me so I got into the car and ended things as he drove off and asked him to drop me off so that I could get home by public transport. He said no, that he would drop me home and that it was ok, he just wasn’t my type and then told me that he had had a terrible day because his mum tried to commit suicide and then got angrier and more upset as the half hour journey went on, eventually telling me that he was a “nice guy” who deserved a chance and would I like him any more if he was a bastard? Why is it that men who perceive themselves to be “nice guys” feel that they are more deserving of female attention simply for behaving in a normal way? Simply for not being a “bastard”. Why can’t they just accept that a girl is not interested instead of thinking that we owe them a chance simply because they are “nice”. It took me a while to realise that I was sexually assaulted, I think I even laughed about it with my friends the next day. It took me a long time to realise that I was actually violated, I actually felt bad for ending things with him. It shows just how deep-routed sexism is in this world that I actually felt bad for ending things with a man who had sexually assaulted me the day before.

Ell

I get a lot of messages on dating sites from guys, and when I ignore their message because I am not interested, they will message again and again. Eventually I tell them I am not interested and I get bombarded with insult, all about my looks ‘You’re not pretty anyway’ Do guys really think by saying that to me it is going to make me want to talk to them, or its going to hurt me? I don’t need to be validated by anyone other than myself and I think, I’m pretty, intelligent, funny, gullible, reliable, hardworking, passionate. Everyone is so much more than just ‘pretty’

Eyre

The other night while walking home, i realized that i am stronger than he is. It was an idea i’ve never considered before. Me, stronger than the man I love. What if I know it, and he never does? Can I accept that role? Will it comfort me, or make me feel alone? The very idea of it made me feel like my whole world was turning upside down. And what if I’ve been the strong one before? But I’ve never felt it. Never acknowledged the possibility. I think it’s fine to say that women and men can have varying roles within a relationship. But when you actually find yourself filling a role you never saw yourself in. It’s a strange feeling to sit with. I still don’t know how I feel about it.