Tag Archives: friends

jess

At the age of 16 I went to a friend’s birthday party, there was alcohol around and a friend of my friends was making us drinks. After a while I start feeling unwell and I say I’m going to walk home. The same guy (who was 18+ at the time and had a serious girlfriend) offered to accompany me because he was going to sleep at his girlfriends near my house. I accepted it because I was feeling really dizzy and I would probably need help getting home. It was my first time drinking. I remember walking some parts of the way and some flashes after that I was behind a building sitting on the floor without the strenght to move and he was forcing his penis inside my mouth. I don’t remember many things of what happened that night. It’s just blank. I ended up getting found by a neighbor a few houses before mine passed out on the pavement. He then shouted for help and someone called my parents. I remember hearing their voices. I was taken to the hospital and they treated it as just an alcohol overdose and I went home the next morning. I told everyone I just got drunk and decided to walk home on my own and couldn’t quite make it and I have suppressed this story inside myself for a long time and have never been able to share it because of the guilt I felt. I shouldn’t drink, I shouldn’t be out alone, what would people think of my parents for allowing me? What will everyone say when I accuse the nice boy with a long term girlfriend of raping me? That I will ruin his life with that serious accusation? That happened 10 years ago and I still think about it. About the parts that I don’t know. How I ended up there? Did he do anything else? Did he just carry me from the back of that building, throw me there and left? I have been assaulted after that but this event is something that has scared me so deeply in a way that I’m still too ashamed to talk about it with the people I know.

M

Having my male “friends” feel like it’s appropriate to pull me into tight hugs, pressing their crotch against me when I am clearly rigid and not wanting to participate, even once at a funeral when I was crying. Another “friend” thought it was appropriate to tell my good friend and I that she had a better personality, but wasn’t hot and I was hot, but had a terrible personality. Guy “friends” telling me I would be attractive if I smiled more. Guy “friends” who stop talking to me the minute I make it clear I don’t want to date them. And my brother, who is an amazing person that I love, who ranted to me about the early sexualizing of girls and interrupted me saying “yeah I know” to say ” No, no YOU don’t understand, listen I read this about it” and proceeded to explain to me something I experienced as if I knew nothing about it.

S

I met an old acquaintance at a party and he happily told me all about his pregnant girlfriend (who was not at the party). An hour later he pinched my bum in a shifty ‘never speak or this’ way. I ignored it partly because i dodnt want to cause a scene and partly because of his pregnant girlfriend. But now i wonder, how much was he relying on me not making a scene, on being consipratorial. A lot i suspect.

Chloe

My male best friend of 8 years decided he actually fancied me as more than a friend. I was on holiday with him and his family and we’d already had a conversation about feelings etc and I’d explained I wasn’t interested in anything further. When he’d had a few drinks and his parents were out he tried to snuggle up to me, touching me inappropriately. When I said no and moved away he started pretending to cry and asked for a sympathy hug – this time he tried to touch me more forcefully and I asked him if he’d actually just used emotional blackmail to try and make me sleep with him? He made no comment but still wouldn’t let go so I asked him angrily was he trying to seduce me? He answered yes and it’s going to work. I yelled at him to get off me and he stormed out as if I’d done something wrong. That was after 8 years of friendship. It was like I suddenly became an object and he had one goal, any care for me as a human being disappeared. We don’t speak anymore.

Sara

Yesterday one of my closest male friends and I were reading a feminist magazine and he actually started explaining the concepts to me. I knew the concepts, and though I might not be as well read as he on feminist literature and philosophy, I acutely experience these things every day. I just really took issue with it. Later, this same friend made an offhand comment about how unfortunate it is that ugly women never get taken seriously in society (after explaining how he made out with a very problematic person because she was hot). I’m not the best looking woman, and I have dealt with that, so it stung. I’ve felt bad since.

Emma

My friend was called a prostitute by a classmate. He also talled her that «she should go get paid» and other things of the style… When I went to see an adult to discuss the situation, he didn’t do anything about it…. I don’t know what to do!!!

Sweetheart

When I was 13 years old a boy at my summer camp told me that no boy would ever want to kiss me because I was so ugly. The same day one of my friends told me I should give her my shirt because she’d look better in it any way because she had boobs. Both of these incidents made me feel so ashamed, I actually apologized to the boy before walking a way and later gave the girl my shirt.

Suffolk Lass

Whilst sitting outside in the smoking area at my local pub (with one female friend and one male friend, known from school days), we were joined by a group of three women. Summer Sunday drinking and a lovely evening combined, one of these women asked my friend “as a man, do you prefer a shaven or unshaven muff?”. My friend responded that if he were honest, he prefers shaven. A discussion ensued: pro’s and con’s, hygiene, media influence etc. After several minutes of good conversation/debate, we all agreed with each other that, at the end of the day, it’s the woman’s own choice what she does. Yet, after this fair and honest conclusion, my male friend and one of the three women who joined us continued: M: Exactly; it’s fine if a woman isn’t shaven, as long as it’s neat and trimmed, you know? I mean I do, I’d expect the same in return F: Yeah, that’s the same as me- I’ve been with my boyfriend for 11 years, and we have always maintained our pubes as neat and trimmed down. It’s just fair, isn’t it? M: Obviously it’s kinda gross when you can see pubes under a woman’s bikini on the beach an’ stuff. F: Yeah, I wouldn’t be able to go out looking like that- it’s embarrassing isn’t it, other women put in the work so why shouldn’t they? M: Yeah, apart from the older women though. You know, Mum’s of three and that kind of thing. F: Well yeah, they’ve pushed three babies out of there, they deserve… M:… They’ve worked hard, they deserve a break! (all laugh, fake or not) I never gave my opinion on matters after this, although we finished out cigarettes fairly swiftly and went back inside to play pool after this. I was shocked that my friends, and a group of young women who brought up such an interesting point in the first place, could so blindly fall into the traps which they had just refuted. I wish I could have had the courage to tell them my point and feelings at the time, however, just prior to the above conversation I heard one of the group of women respond to a question with “oh no, not that feminism stuff, no no, just asking about body hair”. This knocked my confidence in the group somewhat, feeling in the minority with my opinion, thus I write it down here for you to read.

Anon

So, my sister and I were at our friend Javi’s house and Sarah (my sister) and I agreed there was a general ambience that put us in a bad mood. Most of the friends that were there were boys, and we don’t see them as often as they see eachother. We were finally all talking and eating, having a good time, when this happened. (Please know, my friends are all really good people and didn’t mean it). Friend 1: what’s better than a rapist? A child rapist. What’s better than a child rapist? A local child rapist. (Everyone laughs) Me: rape jokes aren’t funny Friend 2: yes, they are Friend 3: guys, chill. You know how she is with women’s rights Friend 2 (I think): I know a joke, women’s rights Friend 1: women can do anything they want, but they don’t have any rights. Then, I got extremely angry and started listening to Troye Sivan because it helps. I was at that point where I couldn’t even speak, but I eventually told the Mamás, and then I stayed with them and we talked about quinceañeras. I do think I taught them a lesson, as they later apologized and their Moms are going to talk to them about it. They reduced the things I care about to jokes. And what worries me is, they’re all exceptional people and great friends. They didn’t realize how serious it was. I later told one of them that in a year, a month, the next day, I could be raped, and I mu=ight not feel safe telling them. Because it’s “Just a joke”.

Rebecca

Last night, one of my boyfriend’s friends, said to him in front of me, that had my boyfriend gone on holiday with him last month, then he’d have found him a different girl every night to sleep with. I told him to “f*** off” and he made me feel like I was overreacting. Why do some men feel it’s acceptable to treat and talk about women with such disrespect? That we should accept and expect to be cheated on? That we should accept male sexual entitlement? And he had the nerve to say that in front of me? I’m absolutely furious.