gym

B

I started lifting weights a while ago and overcame my discomfort in places like the weights room which is heavily male-dominated, but many people are really welcoming. But, at the gym earlier today, I asked a man to leave some plates on a barbell and he was like “you can use this space” and kept unloading them, then left a couple of small plates on and asked “Do you want me to take those off for you?” so I would have been left with an empty bar. I responded with a smile and a “No thanks” and he was like “…Are you sure?” with a look of concern. So I put the other plates back on and lifted 70kg – repeatedly. I know I’m smaller than this person, but the assumption that I can’t lift anything than the lightest possible option was wild.

Gabrielle

Something just recently happened to me which is still playing on my mind. I’m scared to report it to someone for not being believed or taken seriously. I’ve been going to the gym for many months now, it helps me to relax. There’s a male staff member who is often there at the time I prefer to go to the gym (in the evening). He seems quite an outspoken individual, and I’ve heard him make comments behind me, but loud enough for me to hear, such as ‘that girl always wears the same thing.’ I much prefer to speak to no one at the gym, and since I pay my membership, I have no obligation to speak to anyone there, if I so choose. However, this man behaves as if you’re being rude if you don’t make conversation, and I’ve seen him chatting to women that go to the gym at times that I go there. I’ve gotten by for many months just saying, ‘hi’ and ‘thanks’ and sometimes I try to smile so I don’t seem like I’m rude. I only go there to focus on exercising and nothing more. I prefer not to speak to people at the gym. I’m entitled to do so. Last Thursday, I went to gym in the evening. As normal, after running, I went to do some exercises on the mats. I was the only one left in this area and I was pretty worn out by this time. I have poor eyesight and I don’t wear my glasses to the gym. I recognised that the male staff member was walking across the mat area to go into a separate door that I’m not sure where it leads to. At this point I was on my second set of doing clamshell exercises where you lie on your side, and with bent knees you use your glute muscles to lift your leg up and down. As he was walking past, I remember seeing that he was looking in my direction or I had my eyes already fixed in this direction, as it helps to focus on a spot when you’re exercising. Most of the time I close my eyes to help me concentrate. I remember catching his eye, not that I can make out anyone’s expressions when I don’t have my glasses on. Already feeling uncomfortable being seen doing this exercise (one of the main reasons I got to the gym late is so I have more privacy), I maybe made a slight fake smile, like the one I usually do at the gym, so I don’t seem rude. I don’t really recall as I was out of breath and trying to finish the set. I didn’t notice him coming back past as I must have already moved onto another exercise that meant I was facing a different direction, plus I wasn’t paying attention to him or anyone else. The next thing I heard were people laughing, coming from the counter near the front of the gym, and snippets from the male staff member saying, ‘Making eye contact.. as if you’d get turned on, do you know what I mean?’ And another girls voice laughing loudly and saying, ‘Eww, and her face would have been all sweaty.’ I finished exercising. I walked past the counter to get out of the gym, and vaguely said, ‘Cheers’. The girl seemed to fall silent, and with a bitchy, [redacted by administrator] accent I heard, ‘See ya later!’, from the male staff. I thought nothing much of it at the time, as it’s not the first time I’ve had to deal with people behaving spitefully towards me, or behind me. And it’s not the first time people have spread rumours about me or embellished certain situations to cause me humiliation. These people don’t matter. However, in the past few days since, I’ve been feeling icky, and uncomfortable, and too intimidated to go back to the gym. The sexual insinuation part of this makes me feel really weird and kind of degraded and repulsed. I feel a bit sick when I think about it. Especially as there is absolutely no way I would ever do what the male staff member insinuated. I just wanted to go to the gym and get out of there, worn out, and as fast as possible, as always. But now it makes me think that every time I’ve been doing those exercises, people who might have seen me insinuated it as sexual. That makes me feel really embarrassed and like I never want to do them at the gym ever again (but that’s limiting as I don’t own the equipment outside of the gym). I don’t know if the male staff member genuinely thought that I was trying to make some kind subtle advances on him, or if he took something that clearly wasn’t, to purposely make me feel uncomfortable and like it’s hostile environment for me and I’m not welcome there. I’d like to make a complaint to the manager, but I can’t find contact details for them and I’m scared of seeming petit or worse, being told I’m to blame. If it was an isolated event perhaps I’d feel more like it was my fault, but the way this man has behaved towards me before makes me feel strongly that he was looking for an opportunity to intimidate me. Writing this I feel like I’m having to defend myself, like someone’s already telling me I’m wrong. There are many different ways to harass people.

Elaine

I was the only girl in a boxing club and generally treated with respect. One incident happened where I turned around to see one guy was pretending to grab my ass with both hands while another guy was taking a photo. I was enraged that I was objectified like this and demanded it be deleted immediately. Both guys were visibly taken aback by my strong reaction and deleted the picture. I was insulted by the whole thing but delighted that I didn’t put up with that bullshit. ♥️

Lauren

A man kept pushing his groin against me when I was on the bus. While hiking and climbing up a ladder, a man above me pulled out his phone and tried to take a photo down my shirt. While walking down the road, because I glared at a man that was trying stare at my bum, he spat at me. While getting out of an elevator with only men in, one man started barking at me and the other men supported him. When I told a man at work that I was in a relationship to get him to back off, he told me that because it was long distance I should still sleep with him. When I spoke to my HR manager about the sexual harassment that was occurring regularly, they informed me that an email would go out to everyone about it and it would be discussed with all the staff. No email was ever said, or if it was, no department discussed it with the workers. When I went to the gym as a minor, men would adjust themselves to better positions to watch me exercise.

Barbara

I was at the gym squatting when a guy I had never seen before deemed that I needed help. I didn’t. He came mid-set to ‘spot’ me, literally hugging me from behind as I was lowering down. After that rep I stopped, pretended I was done, and left the gym. This was 5 years ago. What bothers me to this day is not slapping that MF instead of cutting my workout short and leaving.

sa

I am woman and I don´t shave my legs, not even in summer! Because I don´t like it, I prefer my legs with hair, I don´t want to take that much time to shave them and because it´s my fucking decision. And I hate how, not only men but also women, find it weird or unhygienic. Like hello?? Men don´t shave and it´s perfectly fine, so why is my hair unhygienic and theirs okay or even sexy??

Aleksandra

At a house party last night, I was participating in a chat about soreness and injuries from the gym. (So it happened that I was the only woman in this group). I mentioned I related to these problems and only performed particular exercises with someone to spot me. In response, one guy shifted the conversation to bluntly asking me how much I squat or bench press. I disregarded it, saying lightheartedly that I didn’t want to share, but he kept asking repeatedly, demanding an answer. He laughed loudly, *do you even put any weights on the bar?*… I casually pointed out it was sexist, that he wasn’t saying that to any of the guys, and I just didn’t wish to share my personal fitness progress with a group of guys at a party. Of course, I got laughed off. It’s not the first time a woman was expected to be weak. Judged for what she does with her body. Expected to share numbers regarding her body. Laughed at for not wanting to share them. Disrespected when saying “no.” But I sure as hell won’t be having it because I’m a woman, and we are strong if we only decide to be.

Ms S

I’m 54 and a woman. I’m also a decent power lifter-elite standard for my weight. When I’m in the gym with my (young, male) training partner everyone gets out of our way, it’s nothing but respect. When I’m on my own, which is most days and I ask to share a lifting station with a man I’m frequently turned down, or I find that the equipment I need to use has been moved and not put back. I get stared at, and it’s not friendly, it varies from ‘I can’t believe she can do that’ to ‘I want her to leave’. Or there’s the questions-both to me and to my husband about who wear the trousers (obviously we both do, also shorts). I’ve been told the weights section of the gym is ‘for men’ and that ‘proper girls only come to the gym to make their arses bigger’. As far as I’m aware I can lift and press more than any other person, male or female in the place and yet every day I go in to train alone I’m made to feel like I don’t deserve to be there. I do all I can to encourage and support the other women who come in, but in spite of the fact I hardly have bulging muscles I have been told, by other women that weight training will make them bulky and unattractive to men-something which is untrue. Most days it’s all fine with me, some days, like today I just hate it. Why does everyone want women to be weak, quiet and decorative? Being strong in body feels great! But it’s a joy being denied to women because of an outright lie.

Laney

I’ve grown quit used to being stared at and hearing conversations from males about what they wish they could do to me. I have two stories that quit bug me but I feel I can’t share with my friends. Keep in mind at the time I was 13. I was in school getting my stuff out of my locker and some guys in my grade walked up to me. I was on my knees because my locker was on the bottom. The guys weren’t to close to me but I could hear them quite clearly. One of the boys said I wish she was on her knees like that for me and they all laughed. I ignored it and kept getting my stuff. Then one off the boys approached me. I couldn’t stand up because he was leaning over me. I’m quite short but even if I had stood up he was leaning over me so far I would of hit him. He said my full name which I never tell anyone and continued to tell me how “hot” I was. I was getting very uncomfortable so I asked him to please step away and give me my space he did and without having all my stuff I got up and left. Then a few weeks later I was walking in the hallway. I was the only girl there so I knew they where referring to me. The same guys where behind me and I heard one of them explaining how hot and “fine” I was. Nothing else happened but even the male teacher standing by heard and ignored it. My next story takes place at the gym about two days later. I’m a cheerleader and was working on my dance in the studio. The studio walls are made of tinted glass so you could clearly see in. There was a man on a machine watching me while I was working out. I was wearing a sports bra and some spandex and he kept staring. I was getting uncomfortable because the man was at least 20 years older than me. He then proceeded to take out his phone and film me. I got up and left the studio and while I was walking away he cat called me. I got very uncomfortable and left as soon as I could. I know my story isn’t as bad as others but it happened and with this website I hope we can share awareness about this stuff.

Anonymous

Guy at the gym, if you ask to share the machine with me, then notice I’m lifting more than you and feel embarrassed about it, don’t then proceed to give me a lecture about how I need to reduce the weight. I’m probably only lifting more than you because I’ve been doing it longer and I’m pushing to my maximum. This works for me and has seen me quadruple what I can lift in a year. It’s still not that much and you will get to lift more than me soon, because you are male and that gives you a natural physical advantage, but until then try not to be a twat. Despite Einstein’s laws of relativity, making random women you descend upon in the weights room lift lighter won’t make you lift any heavier. I don’t go to the gym to perform emotional labour and to sabotage my own progress for the sake of random dudes who can’t bear to think of women being able to do more than them, so kindly let me get on with my workout in peace. Instead, concentrate on your weightlifting and you will progress, as I have – although I would suggest that if you’re doing it to make yourself feel more important than people without muscles, you’re probably doing it for the wrong reasons and a course of therapy might serve you better instead. Thanks.