Me too

Audrey

A USPS male worker was extremely condescending to me because I had issues with the card reader reading my chip. When we finally finished the transaction he printed out the receipt and said in a really condescending tone, “Ok, put this in your bag, and take your two legs and walk out the door, and then make sure to not tilt your head and put it under the wheel”. Please note, I am a succcessful Business woman who has a Bachelor of Science in Computer Science. I also was a great mood and friendly to him while he was condescending even before the card reader issues. I just asked, “Why are you saying all this to me?” A woman next to me said, “She sure told you!”. He said “I’m being funny because…” and he pointed at the card reader… basically implying I was an idiot. I said, “It was not funny. It was kind of condescending.” I am 45 years old and look like I’m in my 20s, so I get a lot of men who talk down to me. I was admittedly quite triggered by this point and just said “I’m 45 and have been around.”. Not the most eloquent close, but it was the best I could do because this interaction really disempowered me and I was at a complete loss for words. I share because I do believe this behavior has been accepted and normalized for far too long. Thank you for creating this safe space where we can share our experiences and unit and hopefully change the world!

Bernadine

When I was 14 my parents and I were at Costco standing in line at the register. This 40 year old man in front of us started to help us load some of our groceries onto the converyer belt without anyone asking for help. I thought he was just being nice so I smiled at him as he helped. My dad asked me to go throw some wrappers in the garbage so I left the line and didn’t realize that man followed me. After throwing away the garbage I turned around to see him kind of hunched over and walking up to me with his hands together. “Can I have your phone number?” The man asked me almost shyly and softly so I did not hear him clearly. Confused and kind of nervous, I said, “ Excuse me?” “Can I have your phone number?” He said it while slowly coming closer, all hunched over and creepy. I was scared because this man had the audacity to do this in a public place where my parents’ line of vision, but they were too busy paying for our groceries. I don’t know why, but I just said, “I’m sorry, no!” I ran back to my parents and hid behind my 4’ 11” mom by the register. While we were in the car, I went over the incident over and over again. Was it because he thought I liked him since I smiled when help load our groceries? Were my pants too tight? For a while, I thought he maybe had a mental disorder because of how he was hunched over and acted awkward. That should not excuse those actions though. Reguardless, I was scared, scared to tell my parents or report him while we were still in Costco. During the car ride home I joked about it to kind of just slide it into the conversation. My parents were shocked. They said that I should have told them and they would have gone straight to security. They were right; I don’t have to spare that guy’s feelings and I shouldn’t have said sorry to him even though it was an impulsive answer. My parents even joked, “He asked for your number? You should have given him 911!” Now I’m 16 and am becoming an anti-human trafficking activist. I have a better understanding that what is “normal” is not what is always right. I still remember that day very clearly and I want to inform other boys and girls that even something like an old man asking for your number should not be taken lightly.

Amy

Was asked if I was married while minding my own business one day while working (surveying) along a public footpath, so foolishly replied honestly with “no”. Immediately lead to repeated questions regarding going out with the man who asked. I said I wasn’t interested. This then changed to sex. Being propositioned multiple times a day by him, even though each time I either said no or that I wasn’t interested. I even tried adding that I have no interest in sex full stop, but that just led to criticism from him for saying no, and being told repeatedly that I was wrong and that I clearly did want sex but wasn’t letting myself have it (I genuinely have no desire). Sadly he is hard to avoid otherwise I would. Other times when out alone, I’m often asked why I’m alone or “where’s your boyfriend?” – Why can’t it just be ok for a woman (or man) to be alone?!

Snitch

From the time I can remember I was always an object to the boys around me I was sexually abused by boys at school for around 4 years it was awful but at the time I felt it was normal no one had ever told me it wasn’t I had never been told by any adult that if someone is touching you or forcing you to touch them that it wasn’t okay I had to deal with that for 4 years and it wasn’t tell 6th grade that I understood what they had done to me but I was disgusted with myself afterwards and what they did to me has left me with mental problems that will never go away. I went to a new school for 6th grade because my school before was only first through fifth grade. The school I’m going to now is kindergarten through 12th. In 6th grade me and my best friend at the time were what was considered “popular” we were “friends” with a lot of the popular boys and we got lots of attention from them even though we didn’t want it more than anything we wanted them to leave us alone. All the popular boys made dirty jokes which some of them seemed innocent and funny at first but two of the most “popular” boys began making the dirty jokes personal they started telling my friend and I what they would like to do to us eventually for whatever reason they left my friend alone and began making them very personalized just towards me I think they knew I wouldn’t tell because I was afraid of them they reminded me of the boys of my past so I would just smile and laugh at their jokes or their gestures but eventually one of the boys got physical he always grabbed my bum and everyday in science from 6-7th he would but his hand on my thigh and a lot of the time he would rub my thigh and try to work his way up to my crotch but I would always go to the bathroom before then or tell the teacher I needed a drink of water. I always sat by this boy in at least one of my classes and eventually my friend told me we needed to tell someone we went to the councilor who then took us to the principal who at the time was a girl which made it easier for me to talk about it because it was girl to girl but her response was basically boys will be boys and that I should just stay away from him she said she would change our seats or have our teachers make sure he wasn’t near me or my frined even though he had stopped bothering her nothing ever happened besides they talked with him which didn’t go well because he told the entire school I had told on him and from 6th grade and still now I’m known as the snitch. He would threaten me with things that I thought I could trust him with before he showed me what he was really like and something that has made my life miserable is that he knew one of my abusers and he would threaten to tell everyone what a slut I was because I let them do that stuff to me. So I did what he asked… and what his friends wanted because I was afraid of them even though I knew I wasn’t a slut and that it wasn’t my fault because I hadn’t known what they were doing was wrong I was afraid and not even my female principal would help because boys will be boys right.

Sarah

During the “me too” surge on Facebook, a male friend posted that he was sick of all the “gender politics” he was seeing, and wanted instead to talk about a statistic he posted comparing the number of male suicides with suicides of women. I pointed out that this was gendered too, and that while there is certainly a discussion to be had about the high incidence of suicides among men, it’s daft to pretend this has nothing to do with gender politics. I didn’t point out how this is another What About the Menz? – though it is – because I don’t want to trivialise suicide. He’s blocked me!