I worked at a Big Four accounting and audit firm, and a partner invited my whole team out for drinks after work one evening. At the end of the evening, he cornered me and attacked me. He very forcefully tried to rape me, but I managed to escape before he could. I reported it to the company and the police. The police are investigating. There were no witnesses – he’s not stupid enough to attack a woman in front of other people. There’s no physical evidence of his attack because I stopped him before he could rape me. Ironic, isn’t it, that protecting myself from rape means the rapist can go free. The Big Four firm did a half-assed investigation and said it’s “he said, she said”, so they can’t take any disciplinary action against the partner. Then they let me go from my job. This is what happens in a male dominated industry, where partners are masters of their own domain and basically impossible to fire as they’re not technically employees. So who gets fired? The victim. Nice. Don’t believe a word when you read these Big Four companies talk about how female-friendly they are. It’s just good marketing.
I’ve been molested by strange men in public and by a relative grabbing my breasts or kissing me on the mouth on several occasions and often times the situation took me so by surprise that I was powerless to respond. It was confusing and made me feel disgusted and disgusting. I was actually also molested by a woman in a bar – she was probably high – but nevertheless, also shocking and so surprised that I simply couldn’t respond. I freeze up. Did not ask for it; did not invite it. Was not dressed in any way that someone could slut shame me and blame me for provoking the attacks. These men ( and that one woman ) must simply have decided that it was within their right to violate me and that I have no right to expect them to respect any boundaries. Often times situations that were hopeless in terms of reporting the assault e.g. in a foreign country, and to be honest I don’t know if it is against the law for a man to grab a woman’s breasts uninvited. I think the police would just laugh. Not worth the trouble.
I just finished Grade 11 in high school and I went on a date with the typical popular guy from a nearby town. He was smart, the quarterback, his family regularly attended church, and other girls also wanted to be with him. During our date he took me to his farm and things started to advance. He wanted to have sex and I told him that I was not ready, and that I wanted to wait. His response was “I have waited long enough”. I remember feeling froze and confused at this time and then he became frustrated and told me to just relax as he was now on top of me. I said no and stop, and tried to push him away, but it had no effect. I gave up and felt powerless. It took me over a year before I stopped blaming myself for what happened, as I thought I could have ran when I had the chance or spoke louder. The problem is not always with the stereotypical man. The problems are within our own communities with people that would be the most unexpected.