nomeansno

Ash

I was sitting in the park and a man came up to me and told me that although i was lesbian he could ‘be an exception’ because he could ‘tell i liked him’. he had an erection as he lay down next to me. he started kissing and licking my shoulder and kept saying we should go back to his apartment. I kept saying ‘no’ and ‘goodbye’ but he wouldn’t leave.

Helen H

I’ve been sitting on this for a few weeks now just trying to come to terms with what happened. I belong to an online running group and posted on it about an incident which happened at a local park run. I was running along jeffing (run,walk, run again) with headphones on in a wooded part of the route when up behind me comes a young man who places his whole hand on the small of my back (very low down on it) and starts to push me along. Obviously i got shocked and indignant that anyone would even think about doing this to me. He then kept saying while pushing that if i couldn’t run then i should jog. I was in shock but told him i was fine and that i didn’t need to run i was jeffing. He didn’t get it but eventually moved off and left me in peace. I was annoyed and indignant over the event but as we do in these circumstances down play them. Later on i posted on the running group what had happened and that it had annoyed me. I could not believe the reaction my post recieved men and women telling me that i was over reacting and that he had been offering me support. Support i can take if its maybe a light touch on the shoulder but not a full blown hand on my body which stays there far too long. Very few people defended me and those that did actually came off worse than me. I eventually closed the post and hoped this was the end of it but no it wasn’t. The next day a woman who had been running in front of me opened up the whole debate again as after me the man had done the same to her and she couldn’t understand why i was so upset. The debate about it became even worse and again i was an over reactor to what had happened to me. It was mentioned that my original post had been put up because it was controversial. That had not been my aim or intention. The admin of the group was more concerned with her reputation rather than if i was ok. It occured to me that this was everday sexism at its simplest and potentially worse because it wasn’t just men but women supporting an ingrained vision that its ok to touch a woman but not ok for her to say it wasn’t ok. It enforces victim blaming and through this shuts women up. I know that there will be plenty of women who now will no longer tell people what happened to them for fear of the reprisals. Like i say it’s taken me a few weeks to sort this out in my head and i am actually very angry about the whole incident from start to finish. Trust of those who i though would support me has completly disappeared.