onlinedating

M

I went on a first date with a man I met on an online dating site. The date started with him wanting to stand at the bar (for the whole date). I finally talked him into sitting and he proceeded to ask me if I bleached my asshole and was totally waxed down there. I had no idea how to respond. He said I should be because it’s 2018 and every girl/woman waxes and bleaches. As a healthcare professional who sees people naked, I know he is very wrong, but I was shocked. I tried to make a joke of it. He also told me he’s really into “my type of body”. I’m overweight and that comment made me feel terrible. I’m so used to being treated badly on dates, it feels like the new normal.

Kelly

I recently moved to a new city and was walking to pick up takeout at 6pm. It was a rainy day and I was wearing a raincoat and jeans. The takeout place is on a busy, industrial type street. Out of nowhere a young man (20’s) came up to me and said, “I’m sorry I just have to ask you.. I’ll give you $20”. I looked at him with a confused expression. Then he went on, “My friend wanted me to ask you if you’d spend the night with him, all night, until 4am. He’ll give you $1000.” I am not good at being put on the spot. I simply said, “No thank you.” He said, “I’ll get you $20”, I said, “Not necessary”. I looked at the light begging for it to turn green so I could cross. When I turned to see if he was coming back, he was gone. Vanished. It looked around uncomfortably for another long two minutes before the light changed. The entire way home I was livid and scared. Where had he gone? Were they in a car? Were they following me? What kind of response did he expect? I mean seriously? Did he think I’d actually say yes or was that just their way of entertaining themselves? Could they catch up to me? I wish so badly I had gotten the satisfaction of telling him to fuck off. But I know better than to escalate situations like that. It doesn’t usually end well. I walked home, paying special attention to what cars passed me. Were any turning around? Did any pass me more than once? I was honestly afraid they were following me. Later that day, I was talking to a guy on the dating app Bumble. The guy was a real grade – A misogynist. I was trying to explain what situations women face. I told him about this one. He said, “Okay now what are you going to do so that it doesn’t happen again?” I was shocked. Excuse me? Me: Not walk around outside? Not wear a fucking rain jacket and jeans because apparently that screams call girl. I’m sorry did I do something wrong? I have to change my actions? It’s not enough for men to just not act like creepers? Him: You didn’t do anything wrong but in order to fix things the only way to do it is to take responsibility and own the situation in order to change the variables and not have it happen again. Me: A woman gets raped at a party and it’s her fault for wearing something “suggestive”. Best sit her down and ask her how she can avoid the situation in the future. Him: So you want that to happen again? Me: Why don’t you tell me how I can avoid that situation in the future Him: If everyone took responsibility for themselves, the world wouldn’t have any problems. So, as usual, no responsibility or fault lies on the men in these situations. No, it’s women who have to turn our lives inside out to “avoid” harassment from men. Well guess what? We’d have to “avoid” walking down streets, going to school, church, work, the doctor, and even in some cases to our own family’s house to avoid harassment. Because if everydaysexism.com is any proof, harassment happens to women everyday, everywhere, ALL the time. Needless to say I have no intention of dating that guy, or any others that hear about harassment and ask me how I’ll be changing MY actions next time to avoid mistreatment.