patriarchy

Miriam

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SO many everyday sexist things have happened to me, from sexual assault to being threatened with rape in order to make me allow burglers to take my belongings ‘or else’, peeping toms looking in my bedroom at night as a teenager and again ain my 20s, old men perving at me when I was a school girl and trying to get me to go back to their house with them, to all the usual cat calling (less now I that I am out of my 20s and such a relief). But today is the small stuff. I belong to a small social media group for poets. The male members keep using it to share photographs of models, dancers, beautiful celebrities etc, with zero context, just an objectified body. And then the male poets fill the thread with sexist tropes about women, how utterly bewildering we are (UGH), or how beautiful they are (Ah yes the beauty pathway to peace, I’m what?). I came here for poetry, why am I constantly looking at models and celebrations of a narrow beauty ideals? I want to shout “the women in this group aren’t here for this!!!” Of course they have no idea what they are doing, not for lack of having explained it to them, they keep doing it.I am contemplating a little experiment on joining in with a daily naked man post. But – Must. Not. Lower. Self. To. Their. Level, right? I have already tried direct communication. They said it was innocent, not their intention etc, started sprinkling in some actual content, but still the model shots persist. After all the assaults and crap I have dealt with in my life, sometimes this smaller stuff leaves me feeling like I am just swimming in rape culture everywhere I go. No, women are not bewildering, men get bewildered because they aren’t taught to do feelings very well. Yes there are many traditionally beautiful bodies, and so many myriad other ways a body can be beautiful (of course they post only the thin beauty). They are our bodies though, they have agency, intelligence, desires, plans, talents, skills, interests, strength, achievements… and our beauty is the least important one of all. Sucks that society doesn’t tend to agree.

Catarina

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The other day I was walking on the street and a man approached me and asked me if I had a boyfriend… I comment to my mum and sister and they said the man said that because I am pretty… I see a big problem in this situation. First I am not an object to be asked in the street if I am owned or not; Second, why would you approach a woman to ask that? If you actually would be interested in her you would start with a “hello” and maybe introduce yourself? I don’t know, but the way it came was just uncomfortable and unnecessary; Thirdly, if you mean with that pickup line that I am pretty or whatever goes in your mind, please keep it to yourself altogether; Forth, why? really, why? and what? Fifth, to the women in my life and all the others, being pretty is not an excuse to be assaulted, being pretty is not an excuse to someone to invade your private space to tell you whatever you want, being pretty is not an excuse to drop your thoughts on someone. Enough of this. I am tired of catcalling, of looks, whistles, horns and all the rest! It is been more than 10 years of listening to this kinda bullshit. Enough.

Julia

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My male roomate refuses to put the toilet seat down. He uses the women’s bathroom where we shower to urinate even though there is a separate half bath in the same room. There are two signs next to the flush that he ignores. But he leaves his notes that he expects us to obey such as to stop unplugging the microwave to save energy (guess he prefers to waste unnecessary phantom energy) and tells us to Google it. He is 59 years old and this is clear casual misogyny. I will tell him to “Google” the Bustle article “Dear Dudes: Put the toilet seat back down.” But us ladies know he won’t read said article , another casual act of misogyny, and instead will argue against the common courtesy in order to preserve his (self-imposed) superiority, while we women continue to talk shit behind his back and complain to the landlord. 🤦‍♀️

so done

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i love it when i can count on my hand how many times my dad and brother have cooked this year, yet me not wanting to cook on the night of my exam raises questions of ‘why can’t you’ ive become so resentful towards them that i hope they end up alone and are forced to cook for themselves for once. can’t wait to move out; hope my dad’s girlfriend dumps him. she even makes his breakfast and lunches, I want to barf over the 50s vibes.

Anon

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I was out taking a walk today during my break in between zoom meetings. I looked over my shoulder & a gentleman was following me. Followed me for about half a block before I stopped & asked him what I could do for him. He told me that he saw me walking and knew he was destined to marry me. This man definitely had some mental health issues–he said an angel in the form of a fly told him this. But he proceeded to engage me in a 10+ min dialogue about how attractive my body, specifically my breasts were. I told him I would not marry him & needed to leave, but he kept engaging me. Finally, I walked away only to have him follow me two blocks to my house. I had to get my property manager (who lives next door) to speak with him to get him to leave the premises. I did not want to call the police because of the fact that this man was black, an immigrant, houseless, & experiencing mental illness. Patriarchy’s effects are super intersectional, and it was important for me to take into account his context in my response to him. He eventually left & did not see what apartment house I live in, thankfully. Such a jarring experience–I have never been followed before. I tried not to panic & was holding back tears. I feel very resolved & safe now but wanted to share this experience. Thank you for the important work Every Day Sexism does!!

Bea

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I work in a small office with two male colleagues. The general manager just walked in, greeted both of them by name, had a brief chat with one of them and then left, addressing them both by name. Not once did he acknowledge me, despite me making eye contact and saying hello.

Mary

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Dear All, I live in Italy. Everyday sexism is a sort of cultural phenomenon here – a country that prides itself on being forward and always in. We are all familiar with the image of a ´made in Italy´ woman – a fashionable, always fabulously groomed lady with impeccable manicure and dyed hair, preferably blonde that will not move even if a tornado attacks it. There is a bipolar schematic idea of a woman. You can be either saint Maria or a prostitute – the best option would be both – a saint and a perfect mother during the day, a corporate lioness at work in high heels of course, and an escort in lingerie ready for her partner in the evening after having prepared tortellini or pizza from scratch for dinner. Some people would say that patriarchal cultural background and the fact that a woman is the actual winner in situations like divorce (alimony and kids with mamma), dating (men should pay for dinner, drinks etc.) it is not considered actual sexism. However, it is not the father who has to deal with bringing up their kids and statistically, as we know, it is the man who gets paid more for exactly the same job because he is not going to get pregnant or take a day off to stay with an ill kid. It all sounds like we are looping in a vicious circle of stereotypical images of genders and expectations that follow. An Italian male child has to wear blue and play with masculine toys, dolls and pink are left for a female child and for the love of god she cannot choose anything else or she will be considered problematic. There are too many striking examples of everyday sexism to describe here.All I can do is give you the big picture. How can you protest against everyday sexism that is a cultural norm in this country?

that feminist grl

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my dad just called me a ranty feminist. whenever sexism comes up in conversations he tries to avoid it. when I asked what it was, he said – man hating. the word needs to get out that it isn’t. at school, girls still wear skirts and skorts – shorts that have a fabric part of it over the top to make it look like a skirt. the world needs to change.

ALHANOUF

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hello everyone, i am 22 years old and apparently i cant travel by myself just because it is too dangerous for a girl.

Jess

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When I picked up a rental car with my boyfriend (who doesn’t drive), the valet assumed I was the passenger, explained all the controls to my partner and tried to give the keys to him.