petrol

There are two entries into a petrol station near my home, one from the north and the other from the west. I drove into the western access, which has a somewhat faded painted arrow clearly showing it as a valid point of entry. When I stopped at the petrol pump, a man of my age said something to another man at an adjacent pump. When I opened my car door I overheard their comments about “stupid bitch” and “clueless’. So I said: do you have something you want to tell me?, and walked towards the man who I heard use the word bitch. He said: “that is the exit, that is the exit, don’t use it” I replied: “what the fuck are you talking about? it is not!” He then started screaming at me: “you fucking bitch, you bitch, don’t know how to drive, you useless bitch” I thought that he would either hit me or splash petrol over me. But I knew that if I backed down or cried I would be giving in to his bullshit. So I stepped closer and said in my most assertive voice: “wow, what an amazing fucking world you live in where you never make any mistakes. not one little mistake. well, forgive me for being human, but I make mistakes. but then again I am not like you, Mr fucking perfect.” His face was changing colour to purple, and I knew that if there was not a car between us, he would hit me. I was shaking, enraged and afraid but I knew I had to stay in that petrol station and use the pump as if nothing had happened. It took me longer than usual to open the petrol cap on my car, and pump the gas. I turned my back on him, concentrating on my task. I saw him walk by and enter the shop to pay. He stayed there a while, talking to the attendant, but eventually came out, slammed his car door and drove off in a huff. The relief left me weak. When I went inside to pay, the attendant did not meet my eye or say anything like good afternoon or have a nice day. Clearly I had violated the rules of knowing my place. I know I left my anger take over and should not have used the word fuck. I know, too, that I did not behave as he expected. I stood up for myself. And I also still watch other drivers using that same entrance / access every day without incident, and I wonder why those two men felt it necessary to verbally insult a total stranger for a perfectly normal bit of behaviour. The only conclusion I can draw is that their sexism looks for every opportunity to assert itself. And on that afternoon, I just happened to be the woman that they needed to call a stupid bitch in order to make their fragile selves feel better.