Sexism

Ben

When I was in an abusive relationship I was turned away from domestic violence help because I’m a man. #everydaysexism

Tina

I went to the Free Britney Spears Rally. “The Blast” in Los Angeles and Hollywood which is a tabloid had a reporter criticize one of my new friends at the rally because her bra was showing, instead of focusing on it being a civil rights or human rights issue for equality. Disgusting! She would be fired in NorCal.

Aslı

I was in a relationship with a man from US and in the beginning he was so different from the men i knew since I was from a highly conservative country. I was even shocked when he was okay with me studying abroad for 6 months and didn’t break up with me for it. Even this shows how undeveloped the society was and how much i was used to it. Then one day we had a conversation about homosexualism and he kept defending his homophobia based on me being unexperienced and how i don’t know anything. I don’t even know if that was coming from his feelings about me being from this 3rd world country or me being this little girl that can not possibly be right but appearently it was not about the topic anymore. And the same night there was a protest about not cutting the trees in my home city for a gold mine and i was supporting it to the end and writing letters to unesco all day. He just saw a post about it and said “It’s not gonna work anyways it didn’t work for Gezi Park protest they still cut down that one tree.” I explained him that eventhough people died in Gezi Park and it is seen negatively it actually worked and there is no shopping mall in the place of the park that he walks through everyday and maybe this protest can work too. He just said “No it didn’t they still cut down that tree you don’t know shit.” After that I just asked him for some empathy at least since it is my home city. “And that is why women should not be in decision making positions because you are simply thinking with your emotions.” was the answer i got. It was all like the good old sexism I’ve been reading and listening about and I never thought that it could be me in a position like that with him. It does not have to be a physical act or extreme words, sexism can be in these little arguments that can be ignored and moved on. But it is there. People said “At least he is loyal to you or he’s not a bad person” in his defense and they were right. But it made me question my opinions and the risk of believing that he was right even one time was an insult to my being.

Being the “bitch” at the ball game

I was watching my younger sisters baseball game. Her team is the 16U girls team which is also known as team British Columbia. Since baseball is not generally the most welcoming sport for girls as many people consider it a “boys” sport I was happy to see an entire team of girls all playing ball together. I was also proud to have parents in the crowd supporting the girls and I truly believed that all of the parents were feminists, especially because they all seem to believe that girls should have just as much opportunity in sports as boys. I still believe a lot of the parents feel this way but recently my positive spirits about this community were shifted due to a man in the stands comment on my vocal support towards the girls. Every time the girls start doing well or I feel that they need some encouragement I cheer words such as “let’s go girls you’ve got this”, “let’s show these boys what you can do”, “lets go *insert individual girls name*!” And today in the stands I said quietly to the parents “I really hope the girls beat the boys today, I think they should be beat because I think the girls are the stronger team and they can do it!” A man in the stands (from our own team!) quickly told me to shut up as he was shaking his head and I replied by saying “I’m never going to stop supporting the girls!” He then said “you’re such a little bitch” in a very harsh tone and then proceeded to tell me that no one wants to hear what I have to say. These comments hurt because this was coming from a community that I thought was sort of a safe haven for feminists, a place for women and men to support each other. I told him that by using misogyny to defend his own misogyny will never silence me supporting girls baseball! I then turned to some of the mothers and grandmothers in the stands looking for support but instead heard comments such as “I can’t believe she is bringing this up at a ballgame!” And I was told that my response to the man was wrong and was encouraged once again to stop speaking. During this time the man continued to call me a “bitch”. My mother stepped in telling him to never say that to a woman again. My mother’s support gave me the courage to share my story because I know there are women out there that will support me and share ideologies such as my own. Even if my comments were a little too “out there” I will never apologize for sharing my voice with the world and will never ever be silenced by such hate. Thank you Laura for making this absolutely phenomenal site and allowing me to share my story of being referred to as a “bitch” at the ballgame. I hope this story empowers other young girls to refuse to be silenced by men who don’t want to hear our voice.

Ella

I had a huge crush on a “class clown” character in my class from the beginning of secondary school. It soon became obvious to him that this was the case and he began manipulating me, making me think he liked me, making me feel stupid and fat and ugly but wanting more and more attention from him. Eventually, I became involved with one of his friends, who began emotionally abusing me (another story – he’d say he was going to kill himself every day). But the original boy kept coming to my house, began sexually assaulting me, telling me I was disgusting and going to hell because it was cheating because I didn’t tell anyone. He did this until I agreed to break up with my boyfriend and date him. He then continued to abuse me, but me over and over again to “do stuff”, telling me that if I didn’t that he’d tell everyone about my mental health issues. I reported him to the police a year later from a psychiatric unit I was sectioned into after starving myself and self harming. Nothing was done. I was still put back in the same school and classes as him. He tormented me daily, saying I’d ruin his reputation and I was a liar and that if I said anything else he would tell everyone I was crazy and on antidepressants. His friends all bullied me also, one of them spiking my drink and assaulting me at a party. They are all still living in the same town as me, walking the streets, laughing when they see me, passing me at college and work making jokes. Feeding lies into the ears of anyone I get close to. Rape culture and gang culture led these boys to stuck together in a toxic group, ruining my life. I have come out of this looking like the lesser person and he has never been happier or more popular. These boys led me to eating disorders, suicidal ideation, self harm and more. Yet to them, it is all a joke because, to them, women are lesser beings, there only for pleasure and to be used and manipulated to their will.

eileen

This is kinda stupid, but how I’m forced to help my mom with all the chores and help her with all the cooking, because my dad doesn’t cook, what a surprise. And my brother never does anything she asks him to do, which is why I not only have to do my original chores but his on top of it. And listen, I don’t have a problem helping my mom out, but it’s the thing that if I were to say no to cleaning, cooking, anything- it’d be a whole problem; my dad would even start on about how I need to “help out more,” despite the fact that I do, all the time. But if my brother says no to chores, it’s normal. They don’t even try to get him to do it because somewhere along the way, it was wired in their brain that boys get to say no, but girls have to comply or be met with yelling and punishment. It’s the underlying issue of boys and men always getting their way, getting what they want, and not having to do anything. But for us girls, no, we have to help clean. We have to help cook. We have to help out around the house or else we’re disrespectful, disobedient. And I get that it isn’t like this in every single household around the world, but still. It’s the underlying sexism that bpisses me of like wtf

Anne

I was walking home from a night out with my best friends. It was about 3 am and raining heavily so I had draped my jacket over my head. I heard a whistle behind me but shrugged it off, I thought it either wasn’t directed at me or that if it was, I would not want to give that human being any attention. After a couple of seconds I decided to cross the street and let anyone walking behind me pass before continuing, just to be safe. There was a guy walking behind me and he walked past where I was standing. After about 20 meters he turned around and started to talk to me. When I didn’t answer (obviously frightened and not in the mood) he asked if I had a weak character. At this point I lost it. I told him that most importantly, I had a pepper spray and that he should leave me alone. He walked away mumbling and I screamed if it were funny to frighten women. Unfortunately, my story doesn’t end there. I was still standing in the same spot, kind of huddled over in order to keep my jacket on my head whilst simultaneously trying to call a friend (I wanted somebody to talk to for the rest of my way home). This is when a group consisting of 2 girls and 1 guy passed. All that guy had to say was “Stand upright” as if I wasn’t on the verge of crying and obviously having some kind of problem. I did not expect him or them to help me, but is it too much to ask to shut your mouth?

Human Being

I lost my job for being an assertive female in a small minded place where women are expected to always smile and be soft spoken but men are allowed to get angry and speak up.

Mary

I went to conferences this week. Every time a female physician presented she acknowledged a man for something he had accomplished. No credits were given to women for their past accomplishments. On one presentation a female physician talked about how much she had learned from her male mentor. When she mentioned her female mentor she only showed a photo of the students having lunch in her mentor’s house. The female mentor liked teaching so much that she cooked for them in her own home, so that was something she pointed out about her female mentor: that she had enjoyed cooking for the students.

Kendall

I deal with sexism every day at my work. I am the ONLY female at a facility with over 50 men. I deal with constant derogatory remarks from the men, one of the guys (he is over 50 years old) constantly comments on my body and how “if he was younger, he’d make me his” and he is always telling me how sexy I am and that my body looks great and things like that. It makes my skin crawl and makes me sick to my stomach. About a month ago, one of the younger guys was sending the nudes of the girl he was sleeping with, with all the guys at work. When I got upset, they told me that if a girl sends a guy nudes, he has every right to share them with however he likes. It made me so sick and angry. I tried to find out who the girl was so I could warn her but they absolutely refuse to give me her name. I could honestly fill a book with all the different sexist and misogynistic stuff I deal with just at work, not even including the stuff outside of work. This job pays really well, has good benefits, and a super flexible schedule that I need so I can finish college, and quitting this job would severally hurt me financially.