Tag Archives: sexual assault

Hannah

I was shopping alone on a busy Saturday afternoon in Marks and Spencer’s food hall. I was looking at some products on the shelf, reaching up to pick a packet up, and I felt what can only be described as my bottom being groped firmly with two hands. Shocked I looked immediatly around me I’m disgust. To the distant left was a middle aged woman preoccupied herself, and to my near right was a suspicious looking elderly man with a stick. The stick seemed to be one that a partially sighted or blind person would use. I followed the man around the shop and he appeared to be able to see his surroundings and read packaging. I wish I had reported what happened to me, I felt completely violated and freaked out. You don’t expect to be groped at any time but especially not in the middle of a shop in the daytime. I didn’t want to make a scene or waste anyone’s time but I now wish that I had stuck up for myself. I have since seen said man in my local area without the stick.

Marie

Around 5 years ago a colleague asked me out on a date and I accepted. We had a nice night but I quickly realised that I wasn’t interested in him romantically. I had come out of a relationship around a year earlier and if I’m honest I was still in love with this other guy and not ready for a seriously relationship, which was what my date clearly wanted. I tried to communicate this to him after he had very kindly driven me home but he wouldn’t take no for an answer so I ended up agreeing to trying things out with him, although I explained that we would have to take things emotionally and physically slowly. We then end up kissing in the front seat of his car and he proceeds to place his hand under my dress and insert his finger into my vagina. I had literally just told him that I wanted to take things slowly and he proceeds to touch me sexually! I stopped kissing him and told him that this was “too soon” and he removes his hand and we start kissing again and literally 30 seconds later he proceeds to do the same thing again. I didn’t say anything to him and I just thought you had your chance, I asked you not to and you’ve gone and done it again so I know now that I don’t want anything more to do with you. The next day he sent me a load of text messages and offered to drive me home from work. I told him not to because I was perfectly happy to get public transport plus he wasn’t working that day and we lived in completely opposite parts of the city but he still wouldn’t take no for an answer. I had a text message when I got out of work telling me he was waiting for me so I got into the car and ended things as he drove off and asked him to drop me off so that I could get home by public transport. He said no, that he would drop me home and that it was ok, he just wasn’t my type and then told me that he had had a terrible day because his mum tried to commit suicide and then got angrier and more upset as the half hour journey went on, eventually telling me that he was a “nice guy” who deserved a chance and would I like him any more if he was a bastard? Why is it that men who perceive themselves to be “nice guys” feel that they are more deserving of female attention simply for behaving in a normal way? Simply for not being a “bastard”. Why can’t they just accept that a girl is not interested instead of thinking that we owe them a chance simply because they are “nice”. It took me a while to realise that I was sexually assaulted, I think I even laughed about it with my friends the next day. It took me a long time to realise that I was actually violated, I actually felt bad for ending things with him. It shows just how deep-routed sexism is in this world that I actually felt bad for ending things with a man who had sexually assaulted me the day before.

Kirstin

When I was 17 I went to a mixed gender after-ball party with friends being held in a hotel. We were all drinking and I became inebriated. The next morning I woke up in a bed naked with two boys either side of me. I was mortified. I had no recollection of what had happened that night, and was relieved that I could feel that I hadn’t been penetrated. A supposedly good male friend of mine was laughing when he told me that he had heard me from the bathroom saying “No, stop, I love *my then boyfriend’s name*”. I was in shock and felt that because they were laughing about it, I should laugh about it too. That it wasn’t a big deal. I was embarrassed because I thought it was my fault that I’d had too much to drink. I didn’t want to think about it so I thought I could bury it and move on. It’s only now at 27 that I’m starting to realise the massive impact that this has had on me. Those boys took what they wanted with no regard for my lack of consent. I felt shame, I felt powerless and I blamed myself for what had happened. It’s not ok. This needs to change. I won’t be silent any longer.

Megan K

I was sexually assaulted in middle school and eventually had to transfer to another school. I had to endure the abuse I was suffering for an entire year before I was able to escape. I was knocked unconscious, beaten, and groped. All of this happened in front of multiple teachers and they didn’t do anything to stop it. When I later revealed this information to a teacher at my new school, he did nothing but ask me “What were you wearing?” Not that it should matter, but I was wearing a sweatshirt and baggy sweatpants.

J.

Was walking home, my friend and I had a fight and walked off from each other. I stopped for a moment to gather myself and suddenly a guy walked up from nowhere behind me and grabbed me under my skirt without a word. Spun around, stammered and ran for my friend, when we turned back he was gone. Friend won’t believe me because we were arguing and I didn’t scream for help, but I totally lost my voice in the moment. In a way I felt fortunate that it’d been that long before my first ‘proper’ sexual assault because I knew so many other girls who’d been groped, but the fact that I even thought for a moment in those terms is scary. I don’t want to walk outside after dark now. I’m terrified something will happen.

Maria

I am 30 and I had been sexually assaulted twice by the time I was 15. I was molested on several occasions by an uncle in my own home at 9 and as a teenager in the park a boy lifted my top up and showed my breasts to everyone and they all laughed. Both events traumatised me and yet I felt I couldn’t really say anything for years because I am considered lucky – lucky that it wasn’t more serious and lucky that I wasn’t raped. It’s only now as an adult I realise how sick that logic is and how not taking Sexual Assault seriously no matter how ‘minor’ is part of what makes rape culture so pervasive.

HJDA

I remember being objectified as a woman as long as the boys noticed I didn’t just add ‘pointless’ tidbits to classes but I also had breasts. I remember in primary school the confusion when I argued with boys, even if I didn’t get it. I remember hitting puberty at school and being openly groped by a boy in my year at 14+ everyday at lunch with both hands and as a reflex laughing it off and feeling as if it was a compliment. I remember being harassed throughout chemistry about whether I ‘shaved’ or not. I wish now I had learned to make a fuss, not to just be complacent. I always believed myself to be a strong woman as I was always raised but as long as I just didn’t stand out too much. When I got my first boyfriend at 17 I remember being picked apart ’til I I felt there was nothing left, being called ‘unattractive’ in the shower and asked to lose weight. When I once plucked up the courage to tell him I thought he should get more muscle-y his response was simply ‘no’. I also remember the two times he raped me and how he apologised but did it again. I remember how it took over a year to come to the conclusion it was rape, because we were in a relationship and I guess these things just happened. I remember at 20 when my boss continually harassed me by text and after many rejections told me I ‘deserved to be in (his) pants’. I also remember how he stood in the way of another guy I liked, how he wouldn’t come near me because even though he appeared to be disgusted by his behaviour explained to me quite plainly it was kinda like a guy code. And I still don’t know by which of these two men I was offended more by. But I can say this. As a 21 year old woman I am loud, I speak out, I tell men and woman who are sexist exactly why their behaviour is wrong, I am sarcastic and I am confident. Because of projects like this I know I am not alone, that I do not deserve this and this behaviour is not normal. I now openly tell people my boss is a sexist prat that doesn’t have two brain cells to rub together and have managed discuss with friends the verbal abuse I suffered under my ex boyfriend and utter to even a few the categorical rape I have suffered. Because no this is not normal and no this is not okay.

LA

My friend was raped at university very, very recently. The uni have been supportive but the man is by all means getting away with it. I am more than furious as I am sure most of you will understand. He is about to graduate as a lawyer and make a successful career for himself, yet he is not being held accountable for his actions. Why?

Aussie in Ireland

When I was 20 I was raped by a guy who had been going out with my friend. I was drunk and I thought no one would believe me so I never reported it. 2 years later I was raped again by someone I thought was my friend. I didn’t report that either. it’s 20 years on from then and now every time I see rape statistics I feel mad that my rapes (like so many) aren’t included in the number of reported rapes. I wish there was some way for all the times I’ve been sexually assaulted by men to be officially counted and included.

Sharon

In about 1988 when I was in my mid-20s, I was walking along a street in Norwich one morning on my way to work. Another pedestrian, a man in his 30s looking very respectable and wearing a suit, was walking towards me when we seemed to do the thing where you try to both get out of the way but keep blocking each other. The next thing I know, he is right in front of me grabbing my breasts, then he is past me and walking away. I was shocked for a moment and then I turned around and screamed after him something along the lines of “You fucker! You grabbed my breasts!” but he just kept walking away.