touching

Jo

I was on a flight coming back from Morocco with my boyfriend. I was in the middle seat with my boyfriend on one side and an older Moroccan man on the other. It is strictly taboo for men from his culture to touch women, but at one point he grabbed hold of my wrist quite unexpectedly to look at the time on my watch. He then manspreaded into my space the whole flight, leaning on me so that I was practically sitting in my boyfriend’s lap to get away from him touching me. Unfortunately I had another man also grab hold of my arm in the market place in Morocco, trying to insist I look at his stall. I found it was very deliberate, that they were being opportunistic because they see white women as ‘fair game’ to touch, even though I was there with my boyfriend. Very depressing that this was coming from an elderly man too.

Patricia

While travelling, I slept in a mixed dorm for three nights. The first two nights, I was alone in the room, but the last night, a man in about his sixties joined me in the room. I was already not particulary comfortable around him from the start but figured, “oh well, I’m in a mixed dorm, that’s how it is.” So I went to sleep and woke up at 3:30 a.m. to find his hand high up on my thigh. I jumped and pushed his hand away. He immediately receded and then asked whether I was okay and without telling him off, I said yes. I didn’t sleep for the rest of the night because I was scared, especially because he was also awake the entire time. I didn’t tell the hostel manager (even though I had a good relationship with him) or anyone else the next morning and only left as planned. I can’t say whether I would have said something if it hadn’t already anyway been my last night. I have spoken to barely anyone about this, because – even though I know on a rational basis that it was fully his fault and not okay – I was somehow ashamed, without even knowing about what. When I think back to that night I shudder in disgust and anger, and yet very few people around me (especially the men in my life) don’t know or can’t even imagine that that happened.

Joanne

I was getting the bus on my own last night (around 7pm) to my running club. During the journey I noticed a man looking at me and sort of smiling. I thought nothing of it. When I got up to leave I walked down the bus and past him and as I did he reached out and tried to grab my arm and said something along the lines of “have a lovely week”. I mumbled thanks and got off the bus. It’s not the worst thing that could have happened and he probably didn’t mean any harm but it just annoys me that people don’t seem to think about the consequences of their actions. Staring at a woman who is alone on a bus and then trying to grab her arm when she gets off is going to make her feel uncomfortable at best or downright scared at worst. It’s just not needed and I found it creepy. Although it shouldn’t matter what I was wearing I’ll just add that I was wearing full-length black running leggings, a long t-shirt and a running jacket. Hair was scraped back and make up minimal.

Helena

A man hang out of the window of a van, while I was passing on my bike he leaned out further trying to touch me, I gave him an angry look while he looked back at me with a blank, surprised face; totally oblivious to the fact that his behaviour was unacceptable.

R

I worked late when I was a teenager and one night I was riding on the public bus to get home, a group of construction workers got on the bus with me. They all gathered around me, mostly white and hispanic men and they kept leering at me and touching my hair. When I would glare at them they would all laugh, when I changed seats they are regathered around me and started talking loudly over my head about younger girls. I was terrified for my life. I wish I had a gun or a large knife to defend myself. I got off the bus at a random stop and had to walk home. That was dangerous too, but all I could think was that I was going to be hurt or killed that night. Now I always stay armed. I have three knives in my car and a gun at home. Its too bad that I need a weapon to feel safe to just go to work.