I consider myself lucky because I’ve never been groped or physically assaulted in public. There are so many instances in my life they’ve become a blur, they’ve become normal and only the particularly shocking memories remain. After many times of being called “bitch” for ignoring people I tend to say “thank you” to being told I’m beautiful or “no sorry” to being asked out by someone who pulls to the side of the road while I’m walking my dog to ask for a date, I don’t even bother telling them I have a boyfriend because they never believe that. When I run outside I always leave one ear bud out to make sure no one comes up behind me… This is my normal. On my 27th birthday this year guys were coming up to my male friend at a bar and telling him how hot I was and saying creepy things and asking permission to talk to me, as though I do not have any say in the matter. The girl I was with told me I was rude for not accepting drinks from strange men I had no interest in. Walking through the mall with my parents AND grandparents at 16, an older man fell into step with us and started saying crude things. I had no words. When I was 18, I went to a tech school for college, about 70% men and I found it difficult to make real guy friends, most ditched me after learning I had no interest. When I broke down to my doctor SHE told me maybe I should try wearing different clothing because I might be leading them on. Despite all of this I feel like the protector when I am out with my girl friends, I stand behind them if I think they’re being leered at or put myself in between them and a creepy guy who’s getting too close. I’ll take the brunt of the abuse and tell a guy to f*** off if he says demeaning things. After so many awful encounters I feel like I have developed a tough skin and I cannot stand to see the sad, scared, defeated looks on my friends’ faces.
This summer, I went to a public “pool party” event by the beach with music and drinking. It wasn’t my crowd, but my friends were having a good time, so drank a lot to compensate. I ended up making out with a guy, and he slipped the crotch of my bathing suit bottoms to the side and penetrated me. After returning home, I remember waking up at 1:00am and sobbing, finally sober enough to realize that my virginity was taken away from me by a random, drunk man at a public party. I was absolutely disgusted and no amount of showers, tears, or vomit would undo that day. After talking to a counselor at my university, I told her that I would never see myself as a victim because I should not have been that drunk in that kind of an environment. I’ll never forget her response: “No. You should be able to go out, get drunk, and not be raped.”
Two bugging microaggressions today and I’ve only been reading for five minutes The first is a book on pre raphaelites which only barely mentions Christina Rossetti and spends one of two paragraphs discussing what she looks like – very plain, a bit severe – and how this “would of course have affected her personality” – also severe. She happened to be a far greater poet than her contemporaries and I doubt she gave a crap what she looked like or that it would have caused her to be a reclusive poet. She’s a completely normal looking young woman but of course if you put her next to two of the most stunning models of the age she’s not going to look good, the point is she wasn’t a model. This seems to be completely missed by the author who waffles on for one of only two paragaraphs about how unfortunate the Woman’s looks are. Never seen any discussion of what her male contemporaries or any other male poets look like or how it affected them, even though Larkin never stopped talking about how he hated his looks and Auden looked a state and repeatedly mentioned it. Can think of plenty of other examples of male writers bemoaning their looks but not Christina Rossetti, so can’t think why waste a paragraph on it. The irony is the really unfortunate one was Lizzie siddal, her sister in law who was sick her whole life and committed suicide because she was miserably unwell. Maybe that’s why Rossetti was a bit sober – sick of being patronised and worried about her sister in law? Think most women would rather have been the average looking talented, healthy one one instead of the pretty, vulnerable but horribly ill one. Now just opened the oxford book of letters and have been treated to Dorothy osbourne who is described in terms of her looks in the first three sentences ” she lost her beauty to smallpox” – which is not what the letter is about. Which bit do these editors not get? Female intellectuals of the age often mocked the looks obsession in their work and were often more than happy that their talents lay elsewhere. The ones whose work survived were usually rich and well connected enough not to have to worry anyway, but the modern editors still promote what they looked like over their work, even when it survives. I meant to write about frank kermode before, as I’ve seen this in his other work on Shakespeare, it’s one thing to mention females being unhappy with their looks if they are, (understandable given the age) another entirely to add your commentary to those who didn’t care. I guarantee if you mention this you’ll just be called a nit picker as writers like kermode are idolised.
I’m studying chemistry and I’ve heard from lecturers up to 4 times when it has came to stereochemistry that “women have different brains than men so they always have a trouble with this part of stdying”. Ok, I agree – we have different brains but really? It’s THAT MUCH needed to say it every fuc*ing time when we make stereochemistry? Why noone even mention that men’s brains has less amount of connections between cerebral hemispheres? And why most of people on chemistry are females if they have such a “troubles: with this?
A teacher tells to a girl during the lesson : you know it’s not your fault it’s because you have a brain girl, the best thing girls know to do is to listen people speaking
I was at a club in uni with some girlfriends and we were just dancing together in a circle. Apparently men in clubs feel that is an open invitation to come up behind you, put hands on your waist and push their penis against your bottom. My instinctual response was to elbow this man as hard as I could in the gut, to which he whispered in my ear that he was going to kill me… It was all talk and needless to say I think he might think twice before he does that to someone else.
Hello everyone! i am 30 y old now. When i was 19, during uni studies, i worked at a restaurant. At the 28th off October 2005, a bartender from the restaurant came in my home drunk and raped me. I didnt say anything cause i tried to convince myself that it was a bad one night stand. For 4 years, i suffered from agoraphobia, and when i got a boyfriend and told him the story, he broke up with me cause he could not cope with that. I ve been harassed in buses and subway or in the street and i am really scared walking alone. Now that I am 30, i have my degrees and i am a film editor for 9 years. I have a boyfriend the last 5 years and i work in a totally fallocratic environment. Every fucking day my colleagues say something sexistic for me or even my boyfriend who drives a motorbike but not a car, so hes not man enough. every day i work twice than some male colleagues to prove i am good enough. I am fast and good and creative at work and i know it well. But i cant say it. As i cant wear a dress or wear red lipstick. The one thing I know is that my man is man enough, cause hes there to support me with those thoughts, to cook for me when im late, or give me orgasms instead of not driving a car! And also that my boobs are big enough to provide milk for my future child, and my brain is good enough to cope with those assholes. Good luck ladies out there, stand on your feet! We are all brave!
Heard women and girls call each other “bitch” in a derogatory fashion in school classrooms and college lecture halls. Don’t know if banning the word “bitch” would work because I have heard it used in a supportive reclaimed manner in an online army video. One female soldier cheers another female soldier on during a training exam by saying: “You inspire the s*** outta me. Keep going! You can do it! You’re the toughest bitch on base!” By contrast in my country I have only ever heard the word “bitch” used by men and women to demean females. I have only ever heard the word “bitch” used in a harsh negative way by peers and family members where I live. A lot of them seem to have copied the word from American media when it was used in an angry way towards other women. In America it seems that some women are trying to reclaim this “misogynistic” word to mean something positive to build each other up instead of tearing each other to bits. However, the word is still used in a harsh tone towards women in different social contexts as in: “She is being such a bitch!” If you said “bitch” to a woman where I lived though, it would be regarded as a bullying, shocking and offensive term. Why the difference? Why is a female dog so awful anyway?
Kept hearing girls and young women use the words “slut”, “cunt” and “slag” in school classrooms and higher education lecture halls. These females were not talked to about their choice of language or how their words were creating a hostile work environment that distracted from learning. Actually, many of the females who used derogatory language towards each other were popular among their peers. Some became student council representatives or the heads of various student societies. As a female, I felt terrified to talk to these other women because of the hostile language towards other females that they used. As a result, I sadly had to drop out of some student societies and became very depressed. Other people copied the derogatory language that some popular females used because some females in power were using this hateful language, so these “cool” words became the social norm. Females can be sexist, have hostile attitudes and use derogatory language towards other females. It isn’t just some men that use misogynistic language to put women down. Some females do this to each other too in vicious ways. I asked an older woman I knew about language she used while she was a student. She claims that in the old days people didn’t dare use these hostile words in learning institutions because they would be punished and people back then were taught to use polite respectful language. She claims that people were nicer to each other back then. Short of using a time machine, I can’t confirm if this was true or not. Maybe she just didn’t let hostile words bother her or she ignored taunts? She says that young people are permitted to use too many swear words these days that aren’t kind or polite towards women.
My 3 male housemates like to have “banter” by commenting on and comparing the breasts of women they match with on Tinder. They also make bets like “who will be the first to convince their girlfriend to do anal with them?” I call them out on it and they tell me to “calm down” and “stop being a boring feminist”. I think it’s time that young men are taught the importance of respecting women. I wonder if they’d ever chat to their mother or sister like this?