Heard women and girls call each other “bitch” in a derogatory fashion in school classrooms and college lecture halls. Don’t know if banning the word “bitch” would work because I have heard it used in a supportive reclaimed manner in an online army video. One female soldier cheers another female soldier on during a training exam by saying: “You inspire the s*** outta me. Keep going! You can do it! You’re the toughest bitch on base!” By contrast in my country I have only ever heard the word “bitch” used by men and women to demean females. I have only ever heard the word “bitch” used in a harsh negative way by peers and family members where I live. A lot of them seem to have copied the word from American media when it was used in an angry way towards other women. In America it seems that some women are trying to reclaim this “misogynistic” word to mean something positive to build each other up instead of tearing each other to bits. However, the word is still used in a harsh tone towards women in different social contexts as in: “She is being such a bitch!” If you said “bitch” to a woman where I lived though, it would be regarded as a bullying, shocking and offensive term. Why the difference? Why is a female dog so awful anyway?
Kept hearing girls and young women use the words “slut”, “cunt” and “slag” in school classrooms and higher education lecture halls. These females were not talked to about their choice of language or how their words were creating a hostile work environment that distracted from learning. Actually, many of the females who used derogatory language towards each other were popular among their peers. Some became student council representatives or the heads of various student societies. As a female, I felt terrified to talk to these other women because of the hostile language towards other females that they used. As a result, I sadly had to drop out of some student societies and became very depressed. Other people copied the derogatory language that some popular females used because some females in power were using this hateful language, so these “cool” words became the social norm. Females can be sexist, have hostile attitudes and use derogatory language towards other females. It isn’t just some men that use misogynistic language to put women down. Some females do this to each other too in vicious ways. I asked an older woman I knew about language she used while she was a student. She claims that in the old days people didn’t dare use these hostile words in learning institutions because they would be punished and people back then were taught to use polite respectful language. She claims that people were nicer to each other back then. Short of using a time machine, I can’t confirm if this was true or not. Maybe she just didn’t let hostile words bother her or she ignored taunts? She says that young people are permitted to use too many swear words these days that aren’t kind or polite towards women.
My 3 male housemates like to have “banter” by commenting on and comparing the breasts of women they match with on Tinder. They also make bets like “who will be the first to convince their girlfriend to do anal with them?” I call them out on it and they tell me to “calm down” and “stop being a boring feminist”. I think it’s time that young men are taught the importance of respecting women. I wonder if they’d ever chat to their mother or sister like this?
I live in Maine but I was in Ohio at a college campus for a religious summer camp. The cafeteria was a short walk (5 minutes) away from the majority of the buildings we used. I had gotten caught up talking to someone in the cafeteria just before free time and my friends had already left. We were encouraged to stay in groups but it wasn’t against the rules to go somewhere by yourself especially if it was just for something like this. So I’m just walking up the sidewalk when I suddenly feel a very painful stinging sensation on my rear. I turn and see man, I assume a student, laughing as he runs away to his friends. No one else was there. I yelled “SERIOUSLY?” after them. I don’t know why I did especially since I’m usually very quiet. I was embarrassed that I had yelled, embarrassed that it had happened, and I was embarrassed to even tell my roommate that night. I did and she helped me to tell my counselor. I requested that they not tell my parents. I told them that they would freak out unnecessarily, it was actually because I was too embarrassed and didn’t want to talk to them about it. I don’t want to talk to them about stuff like that, not since my dad told my I should wear a bra because otherwise boys would try to rape me. I was 14. Its been almost three years and they still don’t know. I know its not a big deal but nothing like that had every happened to me before. I’m leaving in less than 4 months to go to college more than halfway across the country. Its supposed to be safe, but I’m not so sure.
I was asked by a peer whether I agreed with him to the “girls can either be pretty or smart”-stereotype. Didn’t ever expect that question, did I?
I was in a club last night with a couple of friends. I met some guys I had previously seen out before, greeted them normally and mentioned that I was in a new relationship. After this, these 2 guys followed me around the club, to the bar, smoking area, even the toilets. They kept on touching me, feeling me up and trying to pull me, I constantly told them that I was in a new relationship and I didn’t want to talk with them in that way. I was in the smoking area with each guy on either side of me completely surrounded, they were both feeling me up and asking me to come back to their after party so we could all ‘chill and hook up’. I have never felt so violated and uneasy before, these guys were over 10 years older than me. And treated me like an object they could pass around between them, it ruined my entire night, shook me up to shit and made me so upset. Makes me so angry guys thinking they have a right to touch women because they have a penis, fuckin well done.
It was my freshman year of college, and I’d been dating this guy for about four or five months. We were laying in bed in my dorm and he started to put his hand down my pants. I told him that I wasn’t in the mood, but he kept going anyways, saying things like, “Oh come on, it’s not like you have to do anything,” or “What’s wrong with you?” I didn’t know what to do, so I did nothing. I started crying, quietly at first so he wouldn’t hear me, but soon it became loud and uncontrollable sobbing. Only then did he stop. But when he stopped, he didn’t apologize, he didn’t wipe my tears… He just said “I can’t believe that you’re not into this,” and turned over in bed. It wasn’t until several years later that I realized that I had been violated. Until quite recently, I had thought that entire situation was my fault and that he had the right to be angry with me. This is why sexism needs to stop. It needs to stop so that the next girl who gets violated by her boyfriend knows that it’s not her fault.
When I have calmly voiced my opinion, I have been told to “calm down and don’t get hysterical” by women and men. Even some women who said that they wanted equality and girls to be “confident” said these kind of things to me. It was hypocrisy and they were just paying lip service to a politically correct point of view so that they could get a good word in with other people. If I have ever shown any passion or enthusiasm for any subject, I have had disapproving glances and words from women and men. Then, if I have a blank expression and have to “walk on eggshells” by trying to be rational and serious, I have been accused of not smiling enough. This is rubbish because according to these people smiling too much and/or giggling doesn’t mean you have a valid opinion. You can’t win and as a female I am exhausted. Lots of people seem to want me to reflect back their own opinions and feelings to theme of make them feel better. I don’t seem to be allowed to have any opinions or feelings of my own. When studying science, I was terrified to become a fan of anything, show any emotion or any enthusiasm at all because I was told that emotion is irrational and should be kept out of science. Emotions are natural phenomena in primates, so they are science. When men cheer on football teams, scream, roar, dance, rip their shirts off in celebration or dance, these men are called passionate. When women scream or cheer they are called hysterical. It seems that men are freely allowed to express raw emotions whereas women are not. Women have to just act as a comforting sounding board for other people’s emotions. People say that I am depressed because I have a “chemical imbalance” in my brain. I think that I am depressed because I have not been allowed to express enthusiasm, express emotions or feel safe. This is why I will never ever use the word “hysterical” to refer to any one of any gender. I will try and carefully listen to people first before I reach any conclusions however tough it gets.
When I was in college, the Tinder app had just begun and after months of not having a date, I decided I would try it. At first, of course, it is a confidence boost as many guys “swipe right” and you match. It wasn’t until later I realized how wrong I was to swipe right. This guy I had met on the app and I had been talking to for about a month, and had asked me to go on dates a couple of times. I dodged the question at first, a little leery of meeting up with someone I didn’t know even though we went to the same college and had a mutual acquaintance. However, after the second or third time and feeling down about being lonely, I said yes to a date… Fast forward to the date, he begins drinking (I’m 20 at the time so I do not) and everything is okay. He drove (he picked me up or I would have just driven myself to safety) to his apartment and suggested we walk to a bar near it. So, me being young and impressionable, I go with him where he continues to drink a couple of beers. By the time we leave, I walk towards his car and he tells me I can’t go yet. He wants me to see his apartment or needs to grab something first. So, we go up to his apartment, he gets yet another drink, and as I am sitting on his couch, waiting for this night to be over, he starts the most aggressive make-out session I’ve ever experienced. At one point I tried to jerk my head away and it’s like he had it so tight I couldn’t move. The next thing I know he’s dragging me to his bedroom and against all of my protesting, begins to take my clothes off. This isn’t the first time I’ve been naked in front of a guy, but let me tell you, it is a feeling of extreme nakedness when a man takes your clothes off against your will. I prayed for a way out and thankfully, the guy finally listened to me when I said I needed to leave right then. I was not raped that night. He took me home and I have never spoken to him again. But it took me about two years before I realized what exactly he had done to me that night. You see, at the time, I blamed it on myself and decided since it wasn’t rape, it wasn’t anything. Wrong. He sexually assaulted me that night. I had bruises on my arms the next day from trying to get away from him. He scared the hell out of me and made me feel guilty for his inexcusable behavior for years. No longer, though. I am now in a wonderful relationship with a man who respects me, loves me, and would never even persuade me into something I did not feel comfortable with. I want this message to be shared with my fellow college girls. This stuff happens entirely too often on our college campuses and it can be extremely lonely and painful. Stay strong, girl bosses. They know not who they mess with. The strongest people I’ve ever known have been women and I intend to be one of them myself.
I am currently a first year student. When I discussed with my friend the reason for my high achievment in assignments, it was suggested that my male lecturer fancied me. It has subsequently suggested in a joking way that the reason for my high marks was specifically to do with the size of my breasts. Would the achievments of a male student be questionned in this way?