victimshaming

Anon

During a workplace safety/ethical conduct training event for a holiday job, a middle aged man asked to sit next to me. I was still a student at that time, two years ago. After a while the man started flirting, making suggestive compliments about my body, asking for my number and asking me to go out for drinks afterwards. He seemed intent on showcasing his wealth, bragging about his job title and his sportscars. When we took a short break he even draped his arm around my shoulders and waist, and he would put his hand on the small of my back as we walked. It made me feel really uncomfortable. He was wearing a wedding ring and I could see a photo of him and his family on his cellphone’s wallpaper. I dismissed his compliments, stepped away from him, turned down his date offers and tried to act as disinterested and professional as possible. I started browsing on my phone and flat out ignoring him, hoping he would back off. He didn’t. I decided that I would explain my situation to the presenter (also a middle aged man) during our next break, I guess I saw him as an authoritive figure that would help me out. I was really young and naive at the time, it was also my first “real” job and I’ll admit I was scared of speaking out. Quite ironically the last presentation before the break was on the topic of sexual harrassment. I will never forget the moment the presenter said “Men, be careful what you say, women can be very sensitive”. What constitutes sexual harassment, or ways in which women who have experienced sexual harrasment can get help were never addressed. The takeaway message was ‘Guys, be careful, or else some over-sensitive b**ch will get you fired for nothing’. I never went to the presenter afterwards, out of fear that he would also dismiss me as being “sensitive”. Is it over sensitive to not want a married man relentlessly flirting with you? To not want him touching you without your consent? I wish now that I had handled that situation differently. It also made me realize that when it comes to the eradication of casual sexism and victim shaming, we stilll have a long way to go.