Workplace

Ginny

I own and run a manufacturing business, and attend trade shows with my husband. He is not involved in the business in any way other than as a sounding board for me and my ideas. 90% of the time, male exhibitors will ignore me and talk to him about my business, even though I introduce myself as the owner, ask them questions and answer theirs, and my business cards only have my name and details on them. I have then received follow up emails from these salesmen – to my email address – with his name as the recipient. I have also received sample packs to my business address with his name on them. I have never had a female salesperson do this. Absolutely infuriating.

Jess

I was the only female member of staff in a meeting attending to deliver project management support. The man chairing the meeting said that no one would need to take notes because “Jess will just take the minutes” I thought “no she won’t” and left my pen on the table for the duration.

Jessica

I was in a meeting at work with a researcher in Engineering. My colleague spent 40 minutes of the hour long meeting explaining to her how her own invention worked. The same colleague would message me in meetings to define words he thought I wouldn’t know.

Jen

A younger colleague in his mid 30s has for 5 years been excused of behaviours such as bullying, intimidation, incompetence, bad judgement and insulting clumsy rudeness…very often with a slight smile from manager and shrug (“He’s young” / “He needs to learn” / “He lacks confidence in himself which is why he overcompensates”.) Now despite this all I see him still being indulged and mentored by two older male colleagues. Watching them in meetings together is like watching three male dogs wrestling and playing. Not for one moment have I exhibited similar behaviours, I do my job, take initiative, am professional…and unmentored, and generally ignored and/or talked over in meetings. Somehow, I am at a loss to explain it, he continues to be given more responsibility.

a

At my best friend‘s workplace, a position was free and they had two candidates for it, a man and a woman. She overheard her two male bosses and female colleague discussing the candidates and which company car they could provide and what the male candidate had said about this. The colleague then asked what the female candidate would like to have as a company car. One of the bosses answered, if they decided to hire the woman, they would do it in a way that doesn’t make her eligible for a car. For the same freaking position! In this firm, every male earns more than every woman, regardless of actual workload or date of hire. This is illegal here, btw. My friend is shy and nice and couldn’t say a word, when one of her male colleagues blamed her for something he didn’t think of and told her she‘d ‚really need a man to show her what‘s what‘. (She is single) I can’t even imagine what I would have told that bastard in her place! I might add that she works as an accountant in a ‚normal‘ small trading firm. Not even a stereotypically male dominated surrounding. Yet the desks seem to be soaked in testosterone (and incompetence). She really wants to get away from there.

Vee

I work as a volunteer in a library, and am in my mid fifties. Recently there was a meeting between our local councillor and three of us volunteers. It was fairly impromptu, but had been organised for the time when I was going to be working there by one of the other (male) volunteers because, he said, I was ‘gobby’. The meeting lasted an hour and a half, during which time I spoke less than any of the three men there. Despite this, half way through the meeting, after I had raised a single point, this same man said ‘You see what I mean, you’re gobby.’SO in a meeting of 4 people, 3 people spoke more than me, 1 person was female(me) and the one who was typified as speaking too much was me (the one who spoke the least). I told the man that I was not happy with his remarks and he stated that it seemed to him like thats what I was. I asked him why he hadn’t called the other men gobby, and there was no reply…. There are a number of adjectives that could have been used…eloquent, articulate, able to express opinions, knowledgeable, cogent etc etc. But the chosen word was ‘gobby’, which in my experience is almost always used by men to talk about women who dare to speak in meetings where there are men. Never heard a man talking about another man and calling him ‘gobby’. Its a small thing, but it is symptomatic of the way in which sexist words are used every single day.

Louise

A man who I work with strode out of his office, looked at me as I came into the room and boomed ‘why do you always look so miserable’? ‘Just smile will you!’ I told him never to tell a woman to just smile but not one other person in the room (all men) said a word. The same guy thinks it’s fine to assume that I want his slightly aggressive sexual attention.

harshini

I work as a project manager and was recently part of a 9-to-5 workshop with upper management (all men of course.) During the meeting, our boss (the one everyone in the room ultimately reported to) made frequent references to how “the boys” can get the work done and how only “the boys” were responsible for the project, etc etc. Not only was this annoying, whenever he swore or otherwise was moved to profanity he was sure to point out in someway that there was a “lady” in the room or apologize to me – making it doubly uncomfortable for me. Later, I made sure to complain to my manager (who is working hard to be an ally) and he spoke to the boss directly relaying my concerns. I have yet to be part of another meeting with him though and I have almost zero hopes that the feedback would stick. Is this big enough to complain to HR?

A

I was sexually assaulted at work in 2018. The guy came back from drinking on his lunch break and came up behind me when I was working and groped my whole backside while crushing me between his whole body and the wall. I told HR who declined to do anything. Then in 2020 I was repeatedly sexually harassed by about 4 men I worked with who were essentially threatened by my work ethic/style and the fact that I had gotten a promotion over all of them. One stalked me at work while saying inappropriate sexual things to me. Another made inappropriate racial and sexual remarks to me. Another kept trying to coerce me into having lunch with him. And the last trapped me in his car while talking about his sexual history and then tried to remove my glasses off my face while saying creepy sexual things to me even though I kept saying no and pulled away. When I tried to take things into my own hands via the legal system I was then shamed, judged, and blamed by the insurers and doctors involved. I reached out to family for help but they either couldn’t understand, didn’t care, or actively shamed/blamed/didn’t believe me. My friends have all left me due to my unresponsiveness and the fact that I pushed them all away. For two years now I have been struggling with mental and physical health due to all this stress which has left me agoraphobic and scared to leave my house alone. I also haven’t been able to get a new job so I’ve been jobless for two years and relying on dwindling savings and welfare.

A

“Could you write up the notes & actions please?” Male colleagues ask me to do this ALL the time, even those on the same level or more junior than me. They never offer to do it, and never ask a male meeting attendee. “No, I’m not your secretary, please take responsibility for writing up your own notes & actions.”