chloe

i haven’t really ever been touched or grabbed by anyone except this one kid in middle school (5th or 6th grade) and he slapped my ass from behind me in the stairway. i was pissed, i turned around and i said, “what was that?” cause i had a vague notion that men can be gross and touch women where they don’t want to be touched. i think he laughed it off, maybe apologized, he was my friend at the time and i think his excuse what that he was trying to make his “girlfriend” jealous. i always thiught it was a funny story but the more i think about it, the creepier it is. i’m 16 now, no one’s grabbed me since (without my consent). and occasionally, for a split second, my stupid little teenage mind is like “am i not pretty enough to get unwanted dick pics? is my ass not big enough to grab or my tits not big enough to stare at?” obviously that’s stupid but it’s kinda ingrained in society for women to think that way even though i don’t want to be grabbed or stared at or sent guys’ gross penises. but some stupid sexism-sick mind will get a little jealous/confused when i hear so many harassment stories and i haven’t been harassed. that isn’t to say i haven’t been treated like less because i’m a women, i have certainly been. i get jokes all the time, and they piss me off, i depend on being a feminist. but this patriarchal misogynist society makes some part of my brain think that unwanted attention and objectification should be taken as a form of flattery, and it absolutely shouldn’t. it reminds me of those idiots who yell at feminists and say “you’re just upset because you’re too ugly to be raped”. it’s gross and i hate it.