My elderly, obese, invalid racist mother needs intense care taking. My brothers do none of it, don’t hire or pay for care taking.

My mother insists that this is what daughters are for.

This is the same lecture I got from my father when I was 16 and needed his signature to apply to college. “Your job is taking care of us in our old age and your siblings. I’ll pay if you go to nursing school, but only if you sign an agreement to come stay home.”

I left home, went to state schools while my brothers all went to expensive private universities. Still, it took 50 years for me to fully recognize the hatefulness of both parents and the degree to which I was disadvantaged by having to work and go into debt for an education.