Kerry

When I was 18 my best friends big brothers friend raped me. When my best friend got back to the house and I told her, she said something along the lines of; “well that’s why you shouldn’t get drunk and go home with boys”. She then encouraged me to lie to the police (who had already been called), and say it hadn’t happened. Another close friend who was staying the night watched this interaction without saying a word. That night I slept in the spare room alone while my rapist slept downstairs. In the months following, I had to look after my boyfriend who was so traumatized by MY rape that he couldn’t bear the thought of me having male friends or drinking again (because he thought that obviously I was only raped because I was drunk, and I am to blame for drinking too much). He forced me to tell him in detail what had occurred so he could ascertain “how much of a rape” it was. I felt disgusting.

Audrey

Aged 14, in an appointment with the female careers counsellor at my all-girls’ school; was told that as I was attractive, I would find it easier to get a job. Never mind my above average academic abilities, which she was aware of. I am still appalled that she would put out such a terrible message.

Maggie

I work for a veterans administration in a substance use treatment facility. I work with a mostly male population one on one everyday and until reading your book, I didn’t even realize that what I was dealing with was sexual harassment. On a daily basis I get cat calls and worse. Yesterday, wearing jeans, a tank and a long sleeve cardigan I was walking down the hall and someone yelled “damn you lookin good babe!” I kept walking. I’m a professional, I wear my badge around my neck and it’s not enough to deter this comments. I stopped wearing dresses or skirts to work because every time I did, someone would say something, whether it was NICE ASS! Or, that looks sexy. It made me so uncomfortable that even when people said something as benign as “you look nice today,” I felt like I wanted to hide my body. I’ve been asked if a man could help me undo my bra, if I would go on a date and then threatened to leave the program if I didn’t even after I explained why it was unethical. I went from being outgoing and kind to walking around with my head down and headphones in with as little skin showing as possible. I didn’t even realize that this was sexual harassment. I study psychology, I feel like I should have known. But I didn’t, and that makes me worried for how many other people don’t see it.

Aelinor

apparently the thought of a young women having a tv/book character that encourages me to take control of my sex life or even contemplate that I am allowed to enjoy sex as well makes me a Harlot in my own country. able bodied men seem to think a girl with a learning disability is only good for being used for sex.

Hannah

I’m from New Zealand and it took me moving to London to realise how real everyday sexism is. It was actually my well travelled Uncle who got me onto Laura’s book which I am currently reading. I have never been an anxious person in my life and have always ignored cat-calling or inappropriate comments about my gender or appearance but now, I don’t know if it’s because I’m more aware of it or because it’s getting worse, I feel like an object everyday I wall out the door. There is always a cat-call or an outrageously inappropriate comment that makes me feel disgusting inside. It’s affected the way I dress, my lack of wanting any new relationships (my last relationship was a classic example of how some people still believe a women’s opinion doesn’t matter) and also my confidence because I feel unsafe addressing it for fear of getting myself into a dangerous situation and then guilt for not standing up for myself. There have many stories I can share about my own run-in’s with everyday sexism but one of the worst most recently happened to a co-worker of mine. We both work in a pub, and we both live above the pub. Our front door is out to an alleyway between our pub and the pub next door. This is where the staff from both pubs usually smoke. On a busy Friday night, my friend went outside to smoke where she encountered one of our male patrons urinating in the alley. She asked him to not do this as this was our front doorstep, to which the response was ‘Shut up or I’ll shove my dick down your throat’. I actually don’t know what was worse, the comment or the fact that when she told all of us what happened, I was the only one who asked her if she was okay and was completely disgusted by the remark. The others both women and men, including my friend at the time (she later realised it was wrong) thought it was just a rude drunk comment. I know alcohol was involved but since when does that count as an exuse to promote rape culture? So many other stories to share but all of the same issue. Thanks Laura for your book.

Rebecca

I was riding my bike to work and a guy on the street, was taken aback and told me how attractive i look today. I don’t know him… I said fuck you and kept riding away. He was really offended i didn’t appreciate his compliment and started loudly yelling awful sexist insults. I was pissed off that as a stranger he thought i would feel better because he approved for whatever reason of how i looked.

S

When I was eight a man came up to me and asked for directions and while he was asking, he started groping my ass and rubbing his crotch against my hip. I was terrified.

Manager

I work at a university in administration as a manager. An academic asked me to help with an event and I decline but said that I would arrange for another staff member to hep out. He didn’t like the idea even after I explained that the other person was experienced in organising events. A few weeks later he came by to thank me as the person was extremely helpful. He then asked if I could come to the event and talk to some of the guests – make them feel welcome. I agreed as I thought it would be nice to support him. I get to the event and talk to some of the guests. Then the academic comes up to me and asks in a really loud voice if I could take the wrapping off the food.

Not-a-physicist

During my PhD in Physics the postdoctoral employee who was to train me wouldn’t talk to me. He would talk to men, he would try to impress our male boss (my supervisor) but he wouldn’t talk to me. Whenever I came up with solutions to a lab problem, he’d look at me like I was dirt. Then 20 minutes later he would arrive at the same solution as I did and explain it back to me. He was recommended by my boss for a great job in the US. I told my boss he was sexist and was told “he’s really smart”. Like you can’t find another smart guy to replace him? Smart guys are a dime a dozen, but smart guys that treat women like humans* in Physics are pretty rare in my experience. *this also means defending us against sexism.

p

Just before, my own mother said i couldnt wear this tight fitting tee shirt with my normal bra because she said that if i do i would look like a slapper (slut) and i HAD to wear this less fitting bra other wise she would get angry. I keeped repeating, “its my own body” and she said she didnt care. She also said “your stomach better not be hanging out” and I teared up and ran down stairs as she started screaming at me. Ive never been more ashamed of my mother till now because i thought she would know better since she is such a liberated woman.