Author Archives: everydaysexism

Sofi

Male higher management telling me and female colleagues to smile and look happy while trying to focus on work, while never adressing male coworkers this way.

Giulia

Where I live it’s common for certain types of salers/volunteer to stay on the streets and stop passersby and ask them to donate to their ‘charity’ project (sometimes real, sometimes scams) or to apply to buy whatever they’re selling. I have lost count of how many times my female friends and I have been stopped by male sellers with the catchphrase “You lost something” by which point one usually stops and turns around to check what and the reply always is “You lost your smile.” (I wonder how many male passersby are stopped with the same phrase. I somehow think the answer is zero.) By this point, we already know the trick so we don’t stop at all, but last time the seller had even the audacity to take offense and tell me I was being rude by ignoring him and not actually smilin back. The worst part is that this is so normal, I actually wondered if it was worth writing it there at all, and if it wasn’t for the entitlement of the last man, I probably wouldn’t have.

Shreya

My brother asked me why l was reading the paper do l want to become the president or something. Told him to shut up so he said l should not have so much attitude or I will face problems five years later. I’ve had enough so asked my mom to deal with it who said in the most calming tone that after 5 years l will be married so talk to her nicely. I’m Indian so the whole arranged marriage thing is still pretty much there. My brother is 5 years older. He said he is not interested in marriage, they never bring it up. I’m 18 and they casually bring up marriage, l don’t wake up early so they say that l am girl what am l even doing. I want to move out what even is this

hi

Hey, the name above isn’t my real name (obviously). But, this thread/website has really helped me and I wanted to share my own story, although anonymous. I’m 14 yrs old, and just last year when I was 13, I was at an outdoor antique market. This old man, he was like at the youngest 50 and oldest 70 comes up behind me and grabs me around the waist. He says something along the lines of “Can you move sweetie?” or something. i just remember being super uncomfortable and i really hated it. I haven’t told my parents, but I have told a teacher that I trust. She says it’s totally inappropriate but I don’t even know if it counts as sexism. I just know that I don’t feel safe at that market anymore. To anybody who’s reading this, I hope you’re safe and happy. Have a nice day 🙂

daphne

i was walking home from a night out with my friends. I was wearing a skirt and we all dressed up nice because, you know, it’s not illegal to! Apparently this looked like a signal of permission for some guys to cat call me. There’s nothing wrong with trying to flirt with a girl but this was definitely not it. I was happy (we had gone dancing, i love dancing) and twirled around while walking. One group of guys was standing close and a guy called out (i live in Spain) “date la vuelta otra vez!” which literally means twirl once more or again. Of course you would understand why (i was wearing a short tartan or scottish skirt, my faves). They were smiling maliciously. And they started giggling. I will take none of this harassment and i legit, calmly, turned around with a big smile and flipped them off. I was kinda surprised i finally started to stop feeling bad and started reacting. Yeah, maybe not the most “ladylike” or expected reaction, but hey, when you cat call harassment, don’t expect anything nice. When i was smaller and things like this happened i used to fell powerless, sad or felt like i was gonna cry, or even felt embarrassed of my face, makeup, body or whatever. I would feel scared and vulnerable of leaving my home with some clothes or doing some things. But it isn’t right. And i’m done feeling sorry for myself or ashamed when it’s not right. Sure left them very surprised. I still giggle when i think about it. Hope it taught them a lesson and taught me not to feel awful but react when i can, or act strategically when it’s not good to react rebelliously (e. someone is following me!). Hope this put a smile on your face too and to all the girls and women who have felt like this, i feel you. But it’s not okay. Most of the time we’ve got to give people a taste of their medicine and a taste of our strength. There are many ways we can do it and sometimes, like this, it’s all about not letting them turn your smile into a frown. Heads up.

Sister

My younger sister was leaving for school trip and she was standing in the train corridor waving at me and my dad by the window. There were some people passing her behind her back – neither of us seen them in detail (the train was quite crowded), but for sure they were larger (I’m guessing adult men, or at least fully grown, my sister was 13 at the time). When the train was leaving the kind of jumped for a moment, I thought one of the guy must have jostled her. Only later she called me from the train, sitting in the compartment with other girls and said that the guy grabbed her behind rather forcefully. The girls in the compartment where talking about him being an asshole but the conversation was pretty light, kind of “oh what a funny story”. When my sister came back from the camp she talked to me about this story again and cried for the whole time. She was wondering whether she’s too mature/provocative (she was wearing sport leggings with very large white t-shirt – it was a sport camp) and I really didn’t know how to help.

Casual comments

When i was in grade eight (only 13 years old!) i walked into the locker bay at lunch to run in on two boys in my class having a conversation. They were casually commenting on the appearances of all the girls in my class. they said stuff like “I dunno, she’s fat, but at least she’s got big titties.” and they continued to discus if they would have sex with each girl while sexually objectifying them. i still can’t believe that these boys were only 13 and they were saying stuff like that all while i was in the room with them ):

Elizabeth

When I was in 10th Grade, I got really drunk with a friend of mine at his house. He was two years older than me. He had been kissing me all night and I went along with it because I was so hammered that I wasn’t thinking straight. I thought it was sort of funny and din’t take it too seriously. We kept drinking and he turned off most of the lights in his room and got me to lay down on his bed. He didn’t lock the door, but I had no way of getting home even if I did leave. He coerced me into stuff I didn’t really want to do. I remember asking him to stop and that I din’t really want to but he continued asking. I guess I gave in eventually. I felt disgusted with myself, but wrote it off as a mistake and that I was “too drunk” and I “didn’t say no”. It’s been more than a year now and it still plagues me because I still haven’t reconciled in my mind wether it was assault. I din’t forcibly say no, so I just feel like it was my fault.

daphne

i was in school during my blacksmith class and we were forging our first rings. We had to use pretty heavy machines to do so, but there were two ways: one was manual and one was automatic. Basically we had to “pull” the metal to make it longer. So anyways there was of course a huge line in front of the automatic machine (which was still “manual” but it was easier, since you had to like pull a lever or something), and most were girls. in my class there were some girls who acted “cool” and pretended they didn’t care about some things (like blacksmith class) and instead spent all the time chatting and laughing and taking forever at the machine. Me and my friends wanted to finish the ring and so we went over to the manual ones, but we had to tell the professor first. The manual was basically this mould where you put the metal and you would have to pull it, so it was a pretty tiring process and took strength of course. Anyhow, i went over to the professor and told him i was going over to the manual machines because the line at the automatic one was too long. We were freely allowed to choose, so i didn’t need permission. He looked at me, kinda laughed or something, and told me something like: “oh no, you can’t do that. You need strength, it’s for the boys, use the automatic.I don’t want you to get hurt.” I stared at him- bewildered- and almost visibly scoffed. I got myself together and told him in all seriousness: “Well, i prefer to get hurt than to take forever and never finish this ring. I want to finish it and i never will like this. I’ll take the risk”. And walked away. Went over to the manual ones and finished my ring. The only thing that hurt the day after were my biceps which took benefit from a great workout. Serves him right for treating girls like weaklings. This was the first time he did it, but i discovered shortly thereafter that it was a habit: he treated girls like frilly, weaker beings, and i would not take it. There were other moments like these and i was happy not to have him anymore.

Anonim

I’m thirteen, I come from Poland, my patenty aren’t extremely poor or roch they’re just in between, And it matters because they have some realy welathy And ruch friends. Few months ago, in january we went to thailand with these friends. They were billionairs. More precisely, The Man was The billionair And his wife worked in The company. It was realy fun, but one day me, my dad And that Man were swimming in The swimming pool. I realy like swimming And I’m good at it so it took me longer than my dad to get tired. He left And i came to The side of The pool to watch The now Orange sun, hide underneeth The horizon. It was truly beautiful. And then this man came to stand next to me. Now, i might be overreacting And everything, it might have just been some stupid joke, but i realy felt extremely uncomfortable because of what he did next. I know it wasn’t much. Barely anything. But i felt, And still fell like it was wrong. He put one hand on my hip, And started tuching my backside And thighs. I stiffled immidiately but I couldn’t get away because of his hand on my hip. I think he was doing it for a minute or something like that before takich his hand from my backside but still holding me by my hip. He cassualy asked me if I liked it. I told him i didn’t because that was The truty And i can’t imagine myself telling him anything else. My voice was trembling so i didn’t elaborate. He told me my dad didn’t have to know about what happened, And it was probably The first sign it was something wrong. He took his hand And I stopę there for a minute, I didn’t want to look as if I was escaping. Then i steadied myself And told him i should probably go black to swimming. I swam to The other side of The pool as far from him as possible, got out there And took teo extra towels to cover myself more. I felt like i has Marks, And was ashamed someone would see them. I went to The room And lay on The bed for half an hour. I could Puck myself up. I didn’t cry or went to my parents, as You would expect. I just lay there. Not thinking. Not moving. I think i was unconsiously trying to come up with The Best sollution. But there was nothing on The forefront of my mind. I didn’t fell anyone. I didn’t think about it. Until few days ago I remembered. I had a breakdown, it was The middle of The night so No one in The House knew. I have a friend that is basiccaly my boyfriend, but there is No romantycznie relationship there. I texted him, And he answered immidiately. I was wordied he would tel me i overreacted. But he was just furious with that Man. I jest telling him it wasn’t that big of a deal. It could’ve been a joke. I kępy telling myself not to mąkę a fuss over it. It wasn’t important. He told me to fell my dad. I know I should’ve. But It’s so difficult. So i told my only friend two days later. She insisted on my to tel someone. She’s very supportive, but it was more difficult than with my boyfriend, couse i had to tell her that eye to eye. I still hadn’t told anyone else. But I saw You talking on You Tube, And realized marne it WAS assault. No one’s going to read this anyway, so there’s nothing to lose. It feels good to tell someone though. To know there’s a possibility of anyone out there feeling anything for me And reading this terrible gramaticly story. So, thank You for reading this.