benevolent sexism

Elizabeth

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When I was a volunteer fire fighter I used to work the radio during calls regularly because I lived close to the station and first person in was supposed to stay in dispatch to coordinate emergency services. I worked hard to speak slowly, clearly and in a calm tone to ensure that I was not adding to chaos that often accompanies emergencies,and to make sure that I was understood the first time. I’d often have comments made over the air during and after events about my “sexy” voice. This was both embarrassing and frustrating – I was trying to be helpful, not hit on.

Immy

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This is more the kind of sexism that people really don’t notice so it seems like less of a deal but it has happened to me so many times now that it is just annoying. We would be having dinner with some adults and my brother and I were sitting at the table and one of the guys said to my brother “so I bet you play football and cricket so you would understand this…” and earlier had said “so what sports are you playing?” It is safe to say that I didn’t get asked the same question. This is wrong to two levels because 1) I also play sports and love cricket and compete for my school team but apparently that’s not worth asking about. 2) Why assume that because my brother is a boy he plays sports? It’s not compulsory.

From India

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My boss only hires women. There are only two women in the office now, my colleague and I. He doesn’t take advantage of women sexually. He does take advantage of us emotionally. He has told us multiple times that he can only deal with girls because they are sweet and docile and ‘listen’ to him. Then he just gaslights us(we only realised it because we worked together to uncover his lies). Verbally abuses us every single day. Threatens to beat us (never actually does.. atleast so far hasn’t ). Humiliates us in public. Has openly made sexist remarks about other women in front of us. Does all this and says he can only hire women because they stay longer in his office. I am only sticking around because I need a year’s experience certificate.

Olivia Williams

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During my break at work (in a bar) I went outside for some air, a middle aged man came over and asked me if I worked there often. I told him I did when I was home from university, that I was off studying psychology and that I was in my final year. He asked me what I specialized in, I half told him; I specialize in sexism and objectification of women. While explaining this he interrupted me to tell me how ‘hot’ I was and asked his male friends if they agreed.

Athene

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I live in Switzerland. I wanted to go for a walk in a park which is ten minutes away from home and used by a variety of people: joggers, families, kids etc. I have well-meaning but overprotective parents. My father said: “If no one is in the park, don’t go there.” I’m completely puzzled until my mother makes things unintentionally worse, saying: “He just thinks it would be dangerous if you went in there when no one is around. There’s less risk of something happening to your father because he’s a man. That’s how it is.” So this means that if something did happen to me, it would be my fault because I’m a woman who is stupid and can’t think for herself. My parents also like to interfere with my dating life, even Googling the last guy I went out with to make sure he was “decent” enough for their “princess”. I know they mean well and I am grateful to them for an incredible amount of things, but it simply reinforces that fact that I, as a woman, have to be locked away in some kind of castle like Rapunzel or Sleeping Beauty. My brother never got to hear this kind of advice. I am 36, by the way. I feel like 6 years old.