boys will be boys

niamh

the other day i went out for lunch with my best friend. as i was getting us a table, a guy who i didn’t know very well decided to call out to me. “sit on my face” he says. i am used to boys be disgusting and horny. but really? sit on my face? in the middle of subway during the day? i hardly knew with guy who was asking me to do something so sexual. the problem with this interaction was that their was two other boys at that table. not one of them said a word. in-fact they laughed with him about it. the entire meal i could feel them looking at me and saying shit. the whole thing made me super uncomfortable and the sad thing is, i blamed myself for it

Caroline

Hi There, I am an 18-year girl from Johannesburg, South Africa. Growing up, I was sheltered from the harsh reality of this world. I went to a small Christian school, never had to take public transport or walk anywhere. When I graduated high school, I decided to take a holiday after my final exams with a few of my friends (all girls) which is commonly known as ‘matric vac’ here in South Africa. We planned to visit Umhlanga (the second most popular destination for graduates). So without a car, we walked most places and the beachfront is lined with apartment buildings which usually are rented out by students. The one day, we went to fetch dinner and as we walked past this one building there were male and female students drinking and relaxing on their balcony and a couple of the males yelled to us, “Hey, why don’t you come up here, let’s see what you girls can do.” I felt disgusted. And I felt even more horrified that the females on the balcony hadn’t said anything. I quickly learned that this is because of that old saying ‘Boys will be boys’. From that day on I became so much aware of catcalls and any other form of everyday sexism. The more aware I became, and the more I talked to people about this issue, the more passionate I became in feminism. A week later, my friends flew back to Johannesburg and I decided to fly to Cape Town to visit my best friend, Cass*. You see, Cass’s mom is a single mother that works very long days thus Cass takes the bus everywhere and when I visited I got a bus card and experiences public transport for the first time. She lived about a fifteen-minute walk from the bus station. EVERY single day we got catcalled. From blue collared working men to white collared working men. When I asked Cass if she experiences this every day, she said yes and she’ll often call her boyfriend to walk with her because she felt uncomfortable. I was triggered. Men will easily catcall and harass woman when they are alone but when there’s another man there with the woman it automatically humanizes her? I also know what it is like to be told that I am making a ‘fuss’ out of nothing and it does make one feel like they’re being ‘dramatic’ but I feel that wanting to be treated like a human being and respected the way a man is respected isn’t being ‘dramatic’. *Pseudonym

Kathryn

This happened when I was 13 and in 7th grade. I was eating lunch alone (I can’t remember why, I usually ate with the same people everyday) and about 6 or so boys came up to me, sat down on the other side of the table and started saying rude, inappropriate, and vulgar things to me. I didn’t even know what the words they were saying meant, I don’t even know if I knew what sex was but I was scared. Another boy, who was friends with the others tried to get them to stop and even told one of the lunch monitors. But she was absolutely zero help and said “Oh they probably just like her.” I will never forget it. Finally, the school social worker who was on lunch duty say the situation and put the boys in lunch detention. That bullying had happened on and off throughout 7th grade but that was worst. Looking back all that bullying was really sexual harassment. Another related incident happened around the same time, I think after the first one, when one of the boys who was in my health class leaned over and told me that he was going to kiss me on the last day of school and I was very freaked out by this. I ended up telling the health teacher and she moved him and gave him detention.

DB

Last week, a colleague (who has just applied to be a supervisor) made a joke about the young lady that recently started at work. The gist of it was about having sex in the customer toilets. When I pointed out that this wasn’t the kind of jokes a potential candidate for supervisor should be making, he said: “It would be consensual. She won’t be able to say no with my dick in her mouth”. Immediately afterwards he realised that he’d taken this too far and insisted it was only a joke. The worst part is that at least one other supervisor was there and said nothing. I had to corner him later to tell him that it was offensive and that he should talk to our colleague about this. I’m pretty certain he didn’t bother.