driving

Ali

I was stuck in traffic in Tennessee with no air conditioning. A man was working on the side of the road. He kept saying disgusting sexual things to me. I repeatedly rolled my window up but the heat was suffocating. It was a nightmare. I called to complain but I had to have a crew number which I had no idea. Is that on display on a work site? I was so angry I wanted to spit. I still get angry thinking about it.

Zee

My driving instructor was always quite endearing, saying things like ‘you know I love you’, and I thought maybe he just meant it in a student way, like ‘I want the best for you’. But as I got nearer to my driving test, he said something like ‘should we kiss?’. And that made me incredibly uncomfortable. Keeping in mind this guy is 50+ and I’m under 20, I was really uncomfortable. This guy is married to his wife and he had talked about her in a good light before, and he had told me the story of how they met. So I thought to myself, he’s probably joking. He then said ‘wouldn’t it be funny if the driving examiner walked past and saw us making out’. That made me incredibly uncomfortable. He didn’t make any physical move on me but I just hated the things he said. I will not be using the same driving instructor again.

Josie

I was driving to collect my little girl, with my young step daughter in the car, the route has lots of narrow, windy lanes so you need to have your wits about you. I do the drive at least twice a day so know the roads very well, am aware of when to slow down in advance and when I can hit the accelerator a little. This morning I drove to collect my daughter and a man in a white van started driving behind me. He was driving so close to me I thought he would hit my bumper when I braked. I drove as I usually do (which incidentally is sometimes too fast for my husband), was careful and didn’t let his tailgating get to me. Then I reached a narrow blind turn, you need to stop completely as approaching traffic would have no way of seeing you round the blind corner. So I stopped, and he stopped centimetres from my car. I’m glad I did as a huge van followed by two cars came round the corner towards us. If the man behind me hadn’t been there, the van and cars could’ve driven on quite happily. However, because the man in the van was so close behind me, it meant I had to sneak forwards past the lorry in order to make enough space for him to pass. I edged forwards and smiled at the man in the lorry who didn’t smile back, he seemed to just be checking to see how close my car was as I edged forwards which was okay, he looked a bit angry but I have no proof that was anything to do with me. I went round slowly, every time I moved a bit the lorry could move, and so we managed to all make our way safely through, despite the terrible positioning of the man in the van. As I carried on, I checked my rear view mirror, and the man in the van was laughing his head off and sarcastically clapping me. He was clapping me as if to say ‘wow well done, you did it even though you’re a woman!’ It was horrible. It was so obviously sexist. As soon as I could I pulled over and let him pass me, he sped off much too fast and was out of sight. When I pulled over I said ‘let’s let the nasty man pass’. My step daughter said ‘why was he nasty?’ How do I explain to an 8 year old about everyday sexism? I just said ‘he was just being a bit horrible’ and left it at that. I had many imaginary conversations about what I would say to him if we had spoken face to face. The deep seated sexism upset me so much I’m at home now with a lump in my throat. It doesn’t seem like a big incident, and no doubt he’s forgotten all about it by now, but it’s left me with a feeling that I wish I didn’t have, and I hope beyond hope my children will never have to experience.

Abbey

I was in my car and it stalled on a roundabout, and another car caught up. The driver, a man then followed me around town for ages. I tried to lose him and I was terrified, I couldn’t stop and phone the police because I was driving. I couldn’t just drive home because then he would know where I lived. Plus I live in the country, there are no police stations to drive to either. I went into an open car park with him following, saw there were people around, stopped the car, blocked him in and challenged him. He got very aggressive and told me he was calling the police….on me…FFS. I told him he was stalking me, took his number, and drove off. Apparently I had made him do it. You know what makes it worse? His wife was in the car hurling abuse at me as well. I called the police, but they couldn’t be bothered. I missed my train to London, I missed my meeting, I shook all day (I have PTSD) and I was pretty useless at work for the rest of the week. It also had an effect on where I drove. He wouldn’t have done it to a bloke. But because I was a woman, I was easy pickings, even in a car. I am glad I challenged him though, he needed to know, maybe he will think twice when he gets the urge to something like that again. But it was difficult. I wouldn’t have done if it had been night, or a lonely place. Also, I drive a lot, I think that there is much more aggression directed at female drivers on the roads. I don’t remember it being like this when I first started driving in the 80’s and 90’s.

28, south london

My driving instructor told me once that he was in a vulnerable position, being in a car with women alone. You ‘never knew’ what accusations somebody might make. We’d been getting on okay. I knew quite a lot aboit him; his wife, his young children, his rented flat. A week or so later, when we we were both laughing, he put his hand on my bare thigh. I thought it was most likely a mistake. I decided not to mention it. A week later, it happened again, twice in one lesson. I felt mainly angry; this man was jeopardizing my learning. I was getting on okay and i didnt want to start over with someone else. I didnt want my lessons to be uncomfortable either. I never mentioned it to him but from then on, in my lessons I stared straight ahead, rarely laughed and wore trousers. It still happened, but i minimised the opportunities. He put his arm round my waist when showing me how to check the tyres, moved me by the hips when i checked the oil. When I passed my test, he moved in for a hug. I stepped away. Part of the victory was knowing i’d never have to see him again.

Alex

My driving instructor was so charismatic but now its been two years I understand what he did was so wrong and perverted and I shouldn’t have let it happen. At first, I’d ignore comments about good looking women we’d drive past then I’d nervously laugh. He’d place his hand on mine if I veered too close to the curb and try to talk about sex all the time. Eventually, he found out I was a virgin and would talk non-stop about taking my virginity. It’s something I didn’t want to tell anyone and I feel so stupid I didn’t record and report him. Since he put his hand on my inner thigh I’ve not seen him since as I passed the first time but I still feel like a coward for not reporting the many hours of harassment I endured. He’s married with two kids and I’ve met 2 others who have been creeped out by him. John – you’re a disgusting individual and I hope you’re punished.

Aimee

I bought a new car last year and I was so excited as it was my first brand-new car. I did my research and chose the make and model that suited my needs, but I was a bit nervous so I asked my dad to come to the garage with me to make sure everything was okay. In the end Dad stayed quiet through most of my dealings with the salesman and said afterwards that I didn’t really need him there and I did fine on my own. (He’s a great dad!) I picked up the car a few weeks later and the same salesman was there to give me the keys. He asked where my dad was and I told him Dad was at work – I was a bit confused as to why he was asking as I don’t remember them particularly hitting it off when they met before. The salesman suddenly looked worried and said he wasn’t sure if it was a good idea for me to drive the car away by myself. I felt so patronised – I’ve have had my license for almost ten years and drive on my own all the time for work. I pointed out to him that I had done fine when I test-drove the car before, and he reluctantly agreed, but it really annoyed me that I had to persuade him to hand over the keys to the car I had already paid for just because I didn’t have a man there to ‘look after me’. I drove my new car out of their car park as perfectly as I could just to prove a point.

Jess

When I picked up a rental car with my boyfriend (who doesn’t drive), the valet assumed I was the passenger, explained all the controls to my partner and tried to give the keys to him.

Emily

When my husband and I moved to a new city, one of us drove the moving truck and one of us took the car with the animals. Every single person asked him if he was nervous driving the truck. I drive us everywhere. I drove the truck. Everyone just assumed it would be him because he’s the guy.