going out

B

I’m not sure this really counts, but christmas break before last I came home from university and met up with a friend at a club. I was having a nice time, until I noticed a guy getting quite close to me and he wouldn’t really leave me alone. My friend and I kept trying to lose him but he would find me again and start to press me for attention, even though I am gay and I made it clear I wasn’t interested, but I also felt extremely awkward as he wasn’t listening to me and my friend didn’t step in. Eventually the club closes and I try to lose him again by getting a taxi home, at this point someone else tries to get him to leave but they give up easily and my friend lets him get in the taxi with us, as does the taxi driver although it is clear I am uncomfortable and awkward as he keeps holding my hand and touching me. He gets out at my stop and I’m scared, I still feel incredibly awkward because I can’t get him to leave and my friend leaves me alone with him. When the taxi leaves he starts to become more toward with the touching, eventually kissing and sticking his tongue down my throat, and tries to get me to go home with him which I keep adamantly refusing, unsure if he will ever leave. Eventually he does, and I can’t help feeling wrong and disgusting, but also scared that it could have escalated if I wasn’t a few minutes away from home and had made him leave, but was it my fault for not stopping it? I make it home and sit outside for a moment where I break down, and my grandma and mum come out and bring me in, giving me a hug whilst I blurt out what happened and that I didn’t like it, but they’re only really concerned with if I was raped or not which makes me feel like it wasn’t really important anyway because I didn’t stop him. The next day I feel disgusting, and my family acts like nothing has happened even turning it into a joke, and my friend sends me apologetic texts saying she feels ‘guilty’ but I say that it is fine and everyone forgets about it. I can’t help thinking it should have been a bigger deal, and I shouldn’t have forgiven by friend for allowing this to happen, especially as it could have been much worse.

Immi

A remote guy friend commenting on my girl friend’s pants that they sure can’t be comfortable, they look a bit to tight, don’t they?

Chloe

I’m going to a friends birthday event tonight. I thought about wearing a dress but I know I’ll be walking home late and the last time boys thought it was ok to harass me on the way home. I feel like wearing my big coat and glasses is like an invisibility cloak. I’m sick and tired of their attention and it’s the only way to ‘hide’ in plain sight.