grandparents

Mom

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My MIL was staying with my family for a while so we could care for her. One day were all having dinner and she said to me that I was too soft with our daughter. I asked her, ‘why’? She said to me that if she had a daughter, she’d be hard on her because life is hard and she needs to learn that early. My daughter was 6. I responded that actually, you are correct that life often isn’t fair to women but that’s all the more reason for me not to be hard on her. Shouldn’t she have at least one place she can feel safe and be able to be herself without judgement? Home should be a place you can feel safe. That woman taught my daughter that she needs to be attractive to be acceptable in society despite my best efforts to stop her. We ended up forcing her to leave eventually for other reasons, but the damage is done. My daughter adores her abuela and it will take years for her to see that what she taught her was misguided. Sometimes women are worse sexists than men.

Lauren

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I told my grandfather that I had made Honors every semester as College. He said that the Dean must have thought I was pretty. I walked out of the room, because telling him to go fuck himself didn’t convey how angry I was. When my older male cousin did well in school they talked about it all the time. He followed me into the kitchen a minute or so later and said he was sorry and asked me what Honors were.

Indy

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I decided recently to cut my hair short and dye it an unusual colour. My dad and grandparents and that side of the family didn’t take any kind of offence to the fact I was bleaching and damaging my hair and dyeing it a crazy colour, but their problem was with the fact that it was short, because it wouldn’t make me look as feminine. I love my short hair, and I frankly do not care about how “feminine” I do or don’t look, and am glad it’s been cut, because it’s sure better for me than long hair.