intelligence

Lynsey

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I’ve learnt how to effectively argue over my adult life. I choose a particular speech pattern so that I can effectively recount word for word that which I’ve said ( no need to think) and pay diligent attention to what is being said/ how its said to me so that when the need arises to recount the words uttered I can do it without paraphrasing. This practice has arisen over years of having my words or the other persons words tweaked to convey a completely different meaning. When I’m put in the position to recount parts of a conversation I am told I’m difficult! On one such occasion a man whom I had been seeing looked at me and expressed ” You remember too much! I knew you were intelligent but I didn’t realise you were that intelligent. You’ll be single for the rest of your life, you just intimidate men!” Hmm, we had been seeing each other for over a year! At a club, in the quiet bar when I was in my late teens I had been having a discussion with a chap which I had mentioned a few philosophical theories. I was studying philosophy as one of my A levels. He proceeded to look up from my chest to exclaim ‘Oh my God! A Bimbo with brains.” Just to clarify, there was nothing about the way I looked to warrant my being labelled a bimbo other than having an ample bust, which was covered. I went out to dance, didn’t drink as I didn’t want to falter at dancing, plus I was a poor student so limited to blackcurrant and soda water, I always wore trousers, trainers and a polo neck.. again this was dance related. I didn’t wish for a clothing malfunction and needed sporty footwear to be able to dance with the energy that my friends and I engaged in.

P

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I work in the (very male dominated) construction industry. We have a potential new female client, and I’m doing our proposal. I was told by our board to remember i was writing for a woman, implication being that she would not understand technical detail. I asked about her background and she is a qualified construction professional. I am not sure how they think i, as a woman, understand what i write by that logic.

Carrie

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Late in July 2015, I attended a two-day workshop where our team of all-women managers was briefed by the all-men directors of the private sector company at which I work. At the conclusion of day one, everyone met up at the restaurant for dinner, sitting together and enjoying good food, great wine and light conversation. My colleague and I, both in our 40s, were seated directly across the table from 2 of the 4 male directors. The 2 of us had been chatting about participating in a martial arts class (her) and pilates (me), and were agreeing how staying active and getting fit contributed to a sense of well-being. One of the directors chose that moment to join the conversation, asking a couple of questions, before proceeding to describe a recent trip he’d made to watch tennis at Wimbledon, including the women’s and men’s singles finals. He then retrieved his smartphone in order to show to the director seated next to him and us the photographs he’d taken of Serena Williams, who had just won the title. His exact words were: “Look at her arse! She’s got the biggest arse ever. I have never seen an arse so massive!” For several minutes as they scrolled through the dozen or so photographs, and passed judgement not on Serena Williams’ sporting achievements and skills, but her body. They did this in front of a table of educated, hardworking women who they employ. I am disgusted with myself that I didn’t say something clever or jump up and quit on the spot. They behaved as they did because we had been “uppity women” who had forgotten our places, had forgotten that in their world it is men, not women, who get to decide what makes us happy, well, successful. And they had adopted a strategy of belittling a successful, powerful, skillful woman of colour to remind all of us of our places. Nearly one year on, this incident enrages and shames me still.