Tag Archives: locker room talk


My senior year of high school, my guidance counselor convinced my mom I needed to take a math class despite the fact I had all the necessary math credits to graduate and the math class was not at all impressive (and, had I lived in any other school district, I would not have been able to take since it was a lower level math course). Her reasoning was that it looked better on college apps. Because of this, almost every third period, I sat in a primarily male section (there were only 2 other girls in that part of the room and they were rarely there), where they decided to talk “locker room talk” before the term even made the news or I knew what it was. It started out as guys talking about their experiences masturbating and making explicit gestures, then one started constantly asking me when and how often I “flicked the bean” (in reference to my own masturbation habits). I was at first confused then angry. I told him to stop, getting angrier and less polite as he refused to stop (all the while, not one of the guys ever told him to knock it off). Finally, I decided to ignore him because 1) what could any authority figure do to stop him? 2) I didn’t want to spend the social capital on a lost cause. Eventually, he and the others moved on, but I still had to listen to their stories and desires about having sex with older married women (particularly, their bosses’ wives) and what they would do to them. Looking back, I feel disgusted by what was said and what little power I had. I don’t tell anyone about this because I don’t want them to see me as a victim, but the whole experience does seem like a violation to me. I’m still angry, and I think I’ll be angry until I get closure, which I’m sure never to get.


So yesterday I went on ‘a date’ with a guy. Everything was new and cool and at the end of the day we end up at a bar full of people and with really nice vibes. But when we go to buy the drink that we were supposed to share, the bartender says in spanish “Oh I’ll put two shots in here to make her more ‘romantic’”. And in Spanish it’s hard to separate if they mean “it” as in “making the moment more romantic” or if it means “she” – as in “making her loosen up”. So I think it’s the first and I laugh. And both the guys laugh. And then after like an hour when I’m kind of drunk and have gotten closer to my date and a little touchy he says “ha, you didn’t really understand what the bartender said back there, right?.” and I told him what I thought it had meant and then he laughs and explains that it was me that was supposed to get more romantic. Because when he 5 later after buying the first drink went and bought his own, the bartender only put one shot in there. And when he told me this I just felt so betrayed and stupid that I actually became more loose and attracted to him. And all this with my history of a guy in the past actually making his way to make my drinks stonger than his and then raping me. Fuck this world. I’m so angry, sad, hurt, upset.