Medical

Jo

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I was diagnosed at university, when I had my first proper sexual relationship, with vaginismus. This is when you tighten up involuntarily on penetration. It makes for painful sex. It’s caused by fear or anxiety. I was in a very happy relationship so no fear there. The doctor, rather than suggesting exploring what might be making me anxious, prescribed ky jelly. I told him I had no problem with lubrication, that when we had sex I was as baffled as my boyfriend at how I’d suddenly tighten up. He said, Try the KY, it’ll help. It didn’t. Back then I didn’t know why I was anxious. Now, I suspect it was caused by having seen my mother – who had a drink problem – being raped by a local taxi driver late one night. I was 14. When he saw me at the door (my mother was unconscious and would have been in mo condition to give consent) he said Get out, or you’re next. I got out. My mother would have been humiliated if I’d called the police. She still doesn’t even remember it. I still have flashbacks and feel tremendous guilt for not doing something. I got raped myself when I was 25. I woke up to find him coming inside me, his weight crushing me. I thought he was my friend. I pretended I hadn’t woken up. We were staying with the grandmother of a friend of his, on our way to the Alps, a car trip across Switzerland. I was embarrassed, didn’t want to cause upset, didn’t want to not be believed. We continued with our trip. First I pretended everything was normal but after a day I just stopped talking to him. He didn’t ask why. In the street or on trains or buses; catcalling, or getting cornered or groped or flashed at. All horrible but I have always felt I could manage in those scenarios and I’m quick to shout Get your hands off me! Or simply Fuck off! But 2 incidents really shook me. One, early evening on an empty street in London, just outside my office – an approaching man suddenly lurched at me and spat in my face : I could twist your fucking nippples right off. I din’t break my stride but felt terrified at the violence of it. Another time, busy Saturday shopping street, a group of teenage boys was passing me when one of them leaned over and whispered in my ear, I could fuck you right up the arse. This time I was shocked but not scared. I shouted at him. Everyone looked at me like a crazy woman and he laughed at me. I have always stepped in when I’ve seen a woman in what looks like a potentially bad situation. Sometimes it’s nothing. Sometimes it’s me who gets told to fuck off. That’s fine. But you know, when it is something, the bloke usually walks away as soon as he has an audience. So many women enduring awful violations in the dark because we’re scared that fighting it will make things worse. So many abuses and violations that could be stopped before they happen. I hate that it took me decades to get to a place where I honestly believe not simply that I am not powerless but that I can be powerful. We all can. But it still doesn’t stop me being afraid, most of the time, pretty much everywhere. Not just in my vagina.

L

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I have always had issues surrounding my period where there would be months where I wouldn’t have one. I was always told it was just my body getting used to the hormones and everything would balance itself out. I eventually went to the doctors about it and got blood work done. I got my results from a male doctor who told me the blood tests came back fine. I asked him questions and my concerns about potentially having PCOS and I was told to just go on the pill and worry about it “when it’s time to have children”. I don’t want children and I was more worried about having a serious health condition or cancer

Jenny

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It took me over 30 years to be diagnosed with PCOS because I was “exaggerating” my pain and symptoms. I was told to take Tylenol, exercise, and possibly consider seeing a mental health professional. At one point was told that my over one year long, extremely heavy menstrual cycle that gave me anemia was “normal”.

Katrina B.

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I’m a paramedic and when the family comes to meet the ambulance they tend to go to the driver(male) and tell him what’s going on even though I am also there getting out of the passenger side. He would say he is not the person who needs to know and would direct them to me(female). This sometimes is a shock to people that a woman would know more than their male partner.

Jessica

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I have had chronic pain in one joint or another every day for the majority of my life. Before managing to see a physio at work, I was told be a doctor that my joints weren’t hypermobile, I was “just a woman” – completely dismissing my experience and obvious joint problems.

Penelope

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A male doctor told me I did not need antivirals I requested to treat the infection he diagnosed me with, despite me being a full-time wheelchair user. Subsequently went to a female doctor for a second opinion – they were prescribed within ten minutes.

G

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I had been bleeding heavily for going on 50 days and was weak and dizzy, I had gone to the GP and tried an array of hormonal pills to try and stop the bleeding, none of which worked, so the GP thought it was time to go to the ER. When I went to the ER, although the doctors acknowledged it was what I needed, they could not give me an IUD or any other device that would control bleeding, because it could also be used as birth control, and this, according to the hospital, was wrong. I felt shamed for even being there.

Rivka

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My GP assumed I was ‘promiscuous’ because I had had a STI test. Her male colleague had already said ‘what have you been up to?’ because the GUM clinic had passed on the info. I had only got tested due to an assault years before to clear my mind but I was then subjected to a forced internal exam when I was experiencing abdominal pain (since diagnosed as bowel endometriosis) The Dr pretended to believe I had multiple partners even though I was in too much pain to have a sex life. When I tried to explain that I hadn’t had any other partners since the test 3 months before she said, ”Oh well you can’t trust men” implying that my partner (a rape survivor) would have other partners (we were each other’s only sexual partner aside from our rapists) I bled for the next week because the Dr was so brutal with the speculum and I know now that informed consent and chaperone procedure was not followed.

Hayley

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I slowly developed a dual earache over several days. Contacted NHS 111 on day 4 (Wednesday), by which point I was in agony, and they made me an urgent telephone appointment at my GP practice informing me they will likely organise to get my ears looked at asap. Apparently ear pain lasting more than fou days is a major concern. Telephone consultation with male doctor lasted five minutes and twenty-six seconds. I told him the pain was becoming unbearable, that I was having difficulty concentrating, sleeping, and that paracetamol and ibuprofen were making no difference. He strongly inferred that I was wasting his time as ‘it’ll clear up in no time.’ I asked him at what point should I contact again if he doesn’t. He gave a high sign and said ‘I suppose Friday, but you won’t be contacting us again.’ Next two days the pain exacerbated to the point I could not concentrate on anything else. It also spread to my jaws making eating an additional excruciating pain. My ears also started to fill inflated and unpopable. I lost a fair amount of hearing in one ear. Called the GP practice again on Friday (day 6). My guess is that the previous doctor I spoke to put something in my file that resulted in my case being reduced in priority as did not get called my my telephone consultation until 3:50. Luckily it was a female doctor this time who listened. She asked me to come to the practice straight away so she could look at my ear. I have now been diagnosed with bacterial infection and have eardrops. Hopefully the pain will subside soon.

V

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When I was 15, I saw my GP has I had lost a tampon. The male GP vaginally examined me without offering a chaperone and without any gloves. 5 years that same GP refused to allow me to access the implant contraception, not based on medical reasons but because he thought I was irresponsible.