I completed the same weekly task that any of my other male colleagues complete, yet I was called a good girl for doing so. When my male colleague completed the same task the following week he was recognised with “thanks brother”. That sense of parity doesn’t stretch to everyone then?
When I was active duty in the United States military, I was an E7 with 10 years of experience in my job, and when I became pregnant my military supervisor (an E9 with 20+ years of experience in the military) no longer talked to me about my job performance or our military mission. Instead he took every opportunity to tell me that I was “eating too many hamburgers” and was gaining too much weight because “You’re wearing all that baby weight on your ass.” I informed my chain of command, and nothing was done because according to them, my supervisor was “just expressing concern that his subordinate was going to have a hard time returning to PT standards after pregnancy.” Yeah, right, because that is the proper way concern for a subordinate is expressed- in demeaning comments about my body.
When I was active duty in the United States military, I was an E7 with 10 years of experience in my job, and when I became pregnant my military supervisor (an E9 with 20+ years of experience in the military) no longer talked to me about my job performance or our military mission. Instead he took every opportunity to tell me that I was “eating too many hamburgers” and was gaining too much weight because “You’re wearing all that baby weight on your ass.” I informed my chain of command, and nothing was done because according to them, my supervisor was “just expressing concern that his subordinate was going to have a hard time returning to PT standards after pregnancy.” Yeah, right, because that is the proper way concern for a subordinate is expressed- in demeaning comments about my body.
It isn’t easy being in the army, but I think it’s even harder studying to be in the army- especially when you’re 5,4″ and barely 18 like me. I knew that the field I am entering is male dominated so I assumed there would inevitably be some problems… But I had no idea. I told myself nothing would push me away, but sometimes I wish I could give up. The other week a sergeant told me that “girls like me should just stay in nursing schools.” I tried to overlook the disrespect to nurses and tell myself I was being the ‘killjoy’ and the ‘crazy feminazi’ like I feel everybody tells me I am, but it felt wrong. The sergeant followed up that somewhat vague insult by blatantly stating that ‘I would get raped and be left to die on deployment because my team would hope that it would shut me up, because I am a girl and I am only seen as a sexual object in this field.’ That wasn’t even the part that upset me the most. I was livid. I am livid. I immediately brought the issue up to my chief, but to my surprise he asked me ‘if I really wanted to make such a big deal out of it’ and told me that ‘I should just let it go’ and ‘not cry wolf’. You see, the sergeant was female- so there’s no way she could be a sexist and I was clearly overreacting- right? My officers seemed to think so. They (after telling me about all the problems this could cause for her) told me that they would look into my incident report if I really really wanted them to, and finally I dropped the issue. I was and am so upset. This kind of thing happens all the time here. Females experience harassment for being female and then are pressured to remain silent and ‘calm down’ as a response. We’re told we’re being emotional, but I don’t think anyone likes being underestimated and undermined. I felt so pressured to “keep the peace” and let the issue go in order to remain respected. I feel like there’s always a pressure on me to lie about what hurts me in order to not be seen as ‘crazy’ or, well, female. Men are taken seriously here- but we always have to calculate our actions. I cut my hair off. I told everyone it was just time for a change, but really I cut it off so that I could meet male dress standards. If I meet the female dress and deportment standards I feel like I’m not meeting any standard at all. I’m treated like I met the ‘bronze’ standard. It’s as if the best a girl like me can do pales in comparison to my male classmates. If you want to be taken seriously as a girl out here, the first thing you need to do is not be a girl…. Then find a way to deal with the judgment you’ll receive for not being ‘like a girl’. I don’t know what telling this story is supposed to achieve, but I guess I just wanted someone to hear my words. I feel like giving up.
I’m an officer in the military. One morning, I told a junior sailor to shave before he left work that day, because a clean-shaven face is a part of our uniform regulations. Fast-forward to the end of the day and this sailor still has not shaved. Therefore, I confront the senior sailor who directly supervises this junior sailor and he justifies the junior’s actions by telling me that the sailor did not have a razor on board and thought it would not be hygienic to shave with someone else’s razor and that I should understand because I would not want to shave my legs with someone else’s razor. Outside of the fact that there are indeed razors available (there’s a whole store with basic necessities like that in easy reach), I thought it was incredibly inappropriate to bring up my legs and how I shave them into the conversation. I give the sailor a formal counseling and he still refuses to admit that what he said was inappropriate. What’s more, none of my colleagues or supervisors (all male) supported me. I now accused of being “sensitive” and my peers make fun of me. While that is bothersome, it also ended up being liberating in a way. There had been some other sexist behaviors that I had ignored because I didn’t want that label — I wanted to be an exception to the “typical” woman in the military, where men view me a a fellow servicemember, not a “female servicemember.” But now that I’ve gained the “sensitive” description, I feel freer to point these things out. I demanded that offensive memes and unprofessional memes be taken off the walls of the offices (not only am I now “Sensitive” but a “Sensitive Killjoy”). When a subordinate told me I looked like a particular actress I’ve never heard of and then shows me a naked photo of the actress and says “that’s her,” I stop him and tell him he’s not being appropriate (now I’m a “Sensitive Killjoy Who Can’t Take a Compliment). I’ll keep trying to be unapologetic even though I feel like it alienates me from my community because I feel like it’s right. I hope it’s right.