misogyny

Angela W

Took my son to the doctors on Friday about ongoing stomach issues. His dad had taken him a couple of times before about the same issue but he was still having problems, so I rang to book an appointment. The doctor has a new policy of doing remote appointments, so he called me to take about my son’s issues. I explained as best I could but I am not the patient! He told me to bring my son in, so I did. In front of my son, he said, “see… this is why we like to meet the patients rather than talking to mum” – like I had tried to speak for him? I hadn’t spoke during the entire time. The doctor seemed to forget that he rang me when he was adorning me with “anxious mother” tropes.

Anna

I was doing a workout in a public park when a man began yelling about my “nice ass” from the complete other side. He kept going on about my body and my exercises while the many park-goers (sunny Saturday in London) stood witness. Rather than continue to be publicly harassed in this way, I yelled back for him to stop, adding my own profanities. Unsurprisingly, he didn’t stop at my request, but he did stop when my husband returned from running a lap around the park shortly after. The man must have found his courage in thinking I was a lone female. When I later ran a lap and went past him, he said nothing. But the next time my husband ran past him, he apologised to my husband.

Anna

I was doing a workout in a public park when a man began yelling about my “nice ass” from the complete other side. He kept going on about my body and my exercises while the many park-goers (sunny Saturday in London) stood witness. Rather than continue to be publicly harassed in this way, I yelled back for him to stop, adding my own profanities. Unsurprisingly, he didn’t stop at my request, but he did stop when my husband returned from running a lap around the park shortly after. The man must have found his courage in thinking I was a lone female. When I later ran a lap and went past him, he said nothing. But the next time my husband ran past him, he apologised to my husband.

Paulino

When I was a teenager, I thought girls dressed pretty to impress us boys. It never came to my mind that there could be other reasons, such as feeling comfortable or just enjoying looking good for the sake of it. Today, as an old man, I find it very hard to escape stereotypes, especially of subtle misogyny. It is so deeply embedded in our culture.

Laura

This weekend I had to endure a conversation where a white man in his sixties declared that ‘most women like to be dominated’. He claimed that women generally like men to take charge, like men to order food for them when in restaurants, like men to make decisions on their behalf. He said that these activities were ‘men’s jobs’. Despite the group consisting of two men and three women, he did not stop his monologue to ask for input from the women in the group. When I challenged his views, he still did not stop to consider what he was saying. What made the situation so much more uncomfortable was that this man is a backbench parliamentarian.

Laura

Today my colleague introduced my female colleague and I as ‘girls’ to a new client. We are both almost 30 years old.

Honey

I’m 15 years old. I was recently discussing my college(UK) applications with my mum and older sister(25yrs old). I want to go to a top college so I can get the support needed for me to get into a top university. This particular college gets up to a hundred oxbridge offers a year, on average. However logistically, it’s a pain in the arse for me to get there. My mum kept saying that it wasn’t essential for me to go to a top university, and she’s right. But it’s my dream. Then she says this: ‘that eventually, most girls go off to work, then get pregnant, and have to give up their careers. And that you should give up work if your husband wants you to.’ Now my mum is a housewife. But she isn’t happy. She’s an academic at heart. if my brother wanted to go to Oxford or Cambridge, she wouldn’t say to him that it isn’t worth it because he’ll be a father one day. My sister said nothing to agree or disagree with my mother on this. I’m still going to aim for Oxford or Cambridge.

Being the “bitch” at the ball game

I was watching my younger sisters baseball game. Her team is the 16U girls team which is also known as team British Columbia. Since baseball is not generally the most welcoming sport for girls as many people consider it a “boys” sport I was happy to see an entire team of girls all playing ball together. I was also proud to have parents in the crowd supporting the girls and I truly believed that all of the parents were feminists, especially because they all seem to believe that girls should have just as much opportunity in sports as boys. I still believe a lot of the parents feel this way but recently my positive spirits about this community were shifted due to a man in the stands comment on my vocal support towards the girls. Every time the girls start doing well or I feel that they need some encouragement I cheer words such as “let’s go girls you’ve got this”, “let’s show these boys what you can do”, “lets go *insert individual girls name*!” And today in the stands I said quietly to the parents “I really hope the girls beat the boys today, I think they should be beat because I think the girls are the stronger team and they can do it!” A man in the stands (from our own team!) quickly told me to shut up as he was shaking his head and I replied by saying “I’m never going to stop supporting the girls!” He then said “you’re such a little bitch” in a very harsh tone and then proceeded to tell me that no one wants to hear what I have to say. These comments hurt because this was coming from a community that I thought was sort of a safe haven for feminists, a place for women and men to support each other. I told him that by using misogyny to defend his own misogyny will never silence me supporting girls baseball! I then turned to some of the mothers and grandmothers in the stands looking for support but instead heard comments such as “I can’t believe she is bringing this up at a ballgame!” And I was told that my response to the man was wrong and was encouraged once again to stop speaking. During this time the man continued to call me a “bitch”. My mother stepped in telling him to never say that to a woman again. My mother’s support gave me the courage to share my story because I know there are women out there that will support me and share ideologies such as my own. Even if my comments were a little too “out there” I will never apologize for sharing my voice with the world and will never ever be silenced by such hate. Thank you Laura for making this absolutely phenomenal site and allowing me to share my story of being referred to as a “bitch” at the ballgame. I hope this story empowers other young girls to refuse to be silenced by men who don’t want to hear our voice.

Cleo

I’m 13. I’m in my schools chess club. I was playing against a guy who was new to the club. I promoted my pawn to a queen and he then told me condescendingly that pawns couldn’t do that. I explained to him that we could. One of the two chess coaches (female) explained how promoting worked. He still disagreed. Then, the male chess coach came over, said “you can promote pawns” and walked away. The kid immediately believed him. My first meet at said chess club, I beat everyone in my club (all guys) and they proceeded to compliment me by saying things like “I can’t believe I got beat by a girl! Good job!” “You’re actually really smart for a girl” “guess some girls have a brain” and they teased each other for losing to me because I was ‘a girl.’ I should add that I am non-binary. I wear pronoun pins every day, and have informed the entire school several times that I go by ze/zir pronouns, yet they still refer to me as she/her, and call me a girl. Stereotypical men are assholes.

Human Being

I lost my job for being an assertive female in a small minded place where women are expected to always smile and be soft spoken but men are allowed to get angry and speak up.