mothers

Angela W

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Took my son to the doctors on Friday about ongoing stomach issues. His dad had taken him a couple of times before about the same issue but he was still having problems, so I rang to book an appointment. The doctor has a new policy of doing remote appointments, so he called me to take about my son’s issues. I explained as best I could but I am not the patient! He told me to bring my son in, so I did. In front of my son, he said, “see… this is why we like to meet the patients rather than talking to mum” – like I had tried to speak for him? I hadn’t spoke during the entire time. The doctor seemed to forget that he rang me when he was adorning me with “anxious mother” tropes.

Mother and Professional

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Some of the most sexist women are professional women who never had children. They are the worst women to work with if you are a professional woman who had, raised and celebrated your child’s success.

Professor GN

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I am a female professor, a very successful scientist and teacher, and I am also a mother. I earned tenure and have been promoted in spite of having a critically ill infant, a miscarriage, and an adopted child. My department is about 50% female. In a 6 week period a couple of years ago, I heard the following comments from male professors in my department: 1. About a highly qualified candidate, “I’m not going to hire her because she has young kids and she won’t be willing to travel for this job”. When I pointed out that this was illegal and that the candidate should be asked about her willingness to travel, I was told “I didn’t say that” I have a witness. This man is a father.WTF ?? 2. Male colleague said, “I met with a graduate student who has multiple children. Her resume was great. I don’t know how serious she will be so I am no longer interested”. When I said that this is illegal, I was met with silence. The student is exceptional and has received many awards in addition to being an involved mom. 3. Discussing a staff member who is very competent, my colleague said “We’ll see what she is like AFTER she has the baby.” This man is a father. Does competence get thrown out with the placenta ? 4. Several dismissive comments about a highly productive female colleague who had a third child—as if there is an allowable threshold for fertility in academia. Nasty Comment made by a male professor with the *same* number of children. Reflecting on all of these statements, I cried in frustration. It is not enough to have a family and still kick ass at work—you may still be seen as a slacker because you have created another human inside your body. I wanted to scream “Don’t you know that I have a uterus, you jackass, and I am not afraid to use it?!” These men are not ignorant pigs. They would consider themselves supportive of women’s equality. These comments were offered so casually, that I think that the speakers did not even see them as offensive in any way. It felt very cruel to me and I never thought I would be dealing with overt sexism in the 21st century.

EPG

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At my workplace break room, a sign says: “Your mother doesn’t work here, clean up your own mess.” As if a mother’s job was to clean up people’s messes in the first place! I hate my workplace. 🙁

Z

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When I was 14 my mother explained to me that if I was sexually active before I was married, it would be harder for my husband to love me. Knowing I’d already started hooking up with others, she explained that I probably wouldn’t find love, or as much love as I could’ve found had I stayed chaste. This was told to me as a statement of fact that should leave me ashamed of myself, instead of something to fight back and refuse to compromise for a partner who valued me.