period

Age 13-17 – at secondary school being told i was not sexy because I had a flat chest, but still being groped by one boy throughout each day. Age 13, Being told I was dirty for being on my period when two school boys found spare sanitary towels in my jacket and spread the word around class Age 15 – first time I had sex, my boyfriend tossed me a £20 note and said ‘thanks for that, love’. Apparently he was joking. Age 18 – working in a restaurant, a drunk arrogant man rubs his hand on my bum in front of my co workers and punters Age 18 – When I travelled to India alone, my travel partner couldn’t come at the last minute and my then boyfriend (due to leave the country sooner after) suggested I travel with a friend he’d picked up along his 3 month trip, an Indian man called Balla. Balla was abusive and wouldn’t let me travel without him, citing emotional frailty as his reasons, how I must look after him. I woke up one night to find Balla groping me. I thought it was a bad dream. Alone in India. I eventually ran away from Balla, saved by an American woman called Sarah. Age 18 – as an au pair in Italy the father, Paulo weighed me on my first day, declaring that I ‘look good now, but wait till we’re finished with you’. Paulo touched my feet at the family dinner table with his own, while asking me about my boyfriend. My boyfriend was Jewish and my brother in law black, he said the boyfriend should be ‘gassed alive’ and the black brother expelled from our family. Paulo was a fascist and a misogynist. He’d tell me of his fantasy of sex with twin sisters, showing me photos of naked lady friends on his phone. There was also a camera in my room. Age 18-21 – working in a bar, the manager who hired me assaulted me on a daily basis. Sometimes lifting my skirt and rubbing my bum and thighs with his hands, sometimes catching me out back to press his erect penis against my pelvis, sometimes following me downstairs when getting ice to tell me in private how hard he wanted to fuck me. When I would tell him to go away he’d say ‘fuck you, I’m married, you’re tits are too small anyway’ Age 18 – My then boyfriend and supposed close friend (a guy) thought it’d be funny to hold me down on the bed while my other supposed good friend (another guy) slapped me on my face with his penis until it went hard. Nothing can describe the shame I felt, how confused I felt when they all laughed at me and told me it was a joke. Age 23 – Raped twice by my then boyfriend after he made me feel like it was my ‘duty’ as a girlfriend, to prove I still loved him. I’d argue with him, but lay still while he had sex with me. I’d cry alone in the bath after. Age 26 – told to come back to a meeting once I’d applied makeup by the vice president at the company I work at. Apparently he was joking too, and apparently I’d embarrassed him by walking away. Age 26 – harassed by a partner to the company I work for at a business dinner, and asked if I would ever cheat on my boyfriend while he rubbed his hands through my hair. My director looked on, smiling. Told by colleagues that I’d ‘taken one for the team’. Yesterday – told to smile by a man in the street. And on, and on, and on…