Sophie
Not only growing up, but also as an adult, I have been treated as fragile and needing protection or help, specifically from men. I appreciate help when I need it, but the assumption that I will need help and can’t do something on my own is humiliating. This is not in reference to one incident, but to many many many small experiences throughout my life. I’ve also been taught that I need help from a man to protect me from… other men? I was taught it’s dangerous to be an unprotected women. When I was 10, my mom showed me how you could place a car key between your fingers, make a fist, and potentially fight off an attacker. When I was 12, my friend said it was getting dark and we should be headed home because she was scared of being out past sunset. When I was 14, I hid in my locker because a boy who had kissed me the previous day was looking for me and I didn’t want to be found. When I was 19, my friend was drunk and while goofing around, he strangled me until I blacked out. I regained consciousness and ran away barefoot and crying, but returned for my stuff, only to find my friend had punched several holes in the wall out of frustration. I had to be the one to console him that everything was alright. It wasn’t. When I was 24, I had told my bf I didn’t like being strangled, but during sex he did it anyways because that’s what all his past girlfriends enjoyed and he thought I would change my mind and like it too. The worst part was that it took me too long to break up with him, because I told myself it wasn’t THAT BAD. When I was 27, I had a panic attack when someone tried to cuddle with me and placed their arm across my neck. I feel like I am broken, but know that it’s not me that’s the problem that needs fixing…