was in a pub the other day with my football team. A man comes over and proceeds to give us a long lecture about how in womens football, the athletes are much gentler and more polite than in mens football and how we should be proud of ourselves. The whole thing felt really patronising and everyone was extremely awkward. He even gave us a round of applause. I was not best pleased that my own sport was mansplained to me (incorrectly!)
During the summer I was with colleagues in a beer garden having some evening drinks. I noticed a man acting oddly and sitting on his own, looking around the beer garden for 20 minutes or so. I popped to the loo, leaving my handbag under the table with my colleagues. When I returned I realised my bag had been stolen. I told the pub landlord during the evening who was fairly unsympathetic and called him to ask him to access CCTV the next day, the first thing he said to me was ‘well, you were quite drunk’, the police also chatted to him and when I spoke to the (female) police officer, she also said ‘the landlord told me you were quite drunk’. This was quite a few years ago and I’m still angry about this and annoyed thst I didn’t challenge this more at the time. I still fail to see how being a victim of a crime was somehow considered my fault because I’d had a few glasses of wine.
I need to get this out. I’ve gone out with my brother and boyfriend for a couple of drinks the past two Saturdays. On the first occasion, my brother who calls himself an ‘anti-feminist’ not necessarily knowing what the word even means, was talking about the kind of girl he wants to marry. How she needs to cook for him and be smart, you know the awful, overrated story. I rolled my eyes and simply said you’ll never find one, women are getting too strong to appease that kind of crap. What got to me more however, was how he spoke to me. He seemed more comfortable speaking about women to my boyfriend, than he did to me, as everything I said was responded to by a ‘F*ck off’. Fine, I dismissed it as a boys topic mixed with drunkenness as well as the probable knowledge he holds of no woman ever being his cook and cleaner in his life. Let the boy dream, I thought. The Saturday after, my boyfriend brought up a topic we argued about. Then said actually he doesn’t want to talk about it, but I insisted that if he started we may as well explain it to my brother fully and see what he thinks. What I wasn’t expecting though, is having every sentence I started being interrupted by him. I didn’t get to explain the tinniest bit of my opinion or argument. Every single sentence starter that came out of my mouth was finished by him. It got to the point where my brother looked at me with the words ‘I’m so sorry’ screaming from his eyes and said ‘Let’s maybe change the subject.’ Just for contextual information, both these guys speak about there not being such a thing as feminist or unequal rights that need fighting for. Yet this happens? Yet I am silenced twice, for trying to T A L K in the presence of two boys? How are they this blind and deaf and goddamn ignorant to the problem they are so casually the cause of? Girls, who’s up for a drink with me, because I’m not planning to go with the opposite sex anytime soon?
I’m a student who works in a bar to help pay my rent while at university. While I don’t experience any comments from the people I work with its very common for men that I’m serving behind the bar to make comments about me and how I look. Saying things like how ‘I can serve them properly if I come round the bar’ calling me over with a whistle and clicking their fingers at me. I get called sex on legs and get told to bring my sexy ass over here. It makes me very self conscious, because I work in boots jeans and a uniform blue polo top and still I get these remarks. It makes working their very difficult sometimes
I was standing at a bar waiting to be served with my wife when a drunk woman grab my arse. Despite protesting and telling her I was married, she tried to grab at my penis and insisted that I take her home. She was so drunk that even if I was single I wouldn’t have gone anywhere near her but she kept insisting and wouldn’t take no for an answer. My wife had to call over the bouncers from the door who instantly assumed I was the problem, simply because I was a man. Luckily I was surrounded by people who supported what I was telling them, but if I had been alone I’m sure I would be been told to leave. The bouncers did escorted the drunk lady out of the pub. I don’t know what happened to her, I hope she got home safe. But no means no… even if its a man saying it!
Whilst sitting outside in the smoking area at my local pub (with one female friend and one male friend, known from school days), we were joined by a group of three women. Summer Sunday drinking and a lovely evening combined, one of these women asked my friend “as a man, do you prefer a shaven or unshaven muff?”. My friend responded that if he were honest, he prefers shaven. A discussion ensued: pro’s and con’s, hygiene, media influence etc. After several minutes of good conversation/debate, we all agreed with each other that, at the end of the day, it’s the woman’s own choice what she does. Yet, after this fair and honest conclusion, my male friend and one of the three women who joined us continued: M: Exactly; it’s fine if a woman isn’t shaven, as long as it’s neat and trimmed, you know? I mean I do, I’d expect the same in return F: Yeah, that’s the same as me- I’ve been with my boyfriend for 11 years, and we have always maintained our pubes as neat and trimmed down. It’s just fair, isn’t it? M: Obviously it’s kinda gross when you can see pubes under a woman’s bikini on the beach an’ stuff. F: Yeah, I wouldn’t be able to go out looking like that- it’s embarrassing isn’t it, other women put in the work so why shouldn’t they? M: Yeah, apart from the older women though. You know, Mum’s of three and that kind of thing. F: Well yeah, they’ve pushed three babies out of there, they deserve… M:… They’ve worked hard, they deserve a break! (all laugh, fake or not) I never gave my opinion on matters after this, although we finished out cigarettes fairly swiftly and went back inside to play pool after this. I was shocked that my friends, and a group of young women who brought up such an interesting point in the first place, could so blindly fall into the traps which they had just refuted. I wish I could have had the courage to tell them my point and feelings at the time, however, just prior to the above conversation I heard one of the group of women respond to a question with “oh no, not that feminism stuff, no no, just asking about body hair”. This knocked my confidence in the group somewhat, feeling in the minority with my opinion, thus I write it down here for you to read.
I live in Newlyn, near Penzance in Cornwall. A pub in our village specialises in writing offensive “jokes” (sexist, racist, misogynist etc) on a blackboard fixed to the outside wall of the pub and therefore seen by everyone who walks past. This week’s “joke” is: Paddy asked his wife what she wanted for Christmas. She said “a black iPad” so he punched her!!! It’s shocking that anyone could find this funny or acceptable. A few weeks ago, the “joke” was: How do you stop your wife from staggering? Shoot her a couple more times. I find this utterly disturbing and a shocking indictment of the way women are thought about in 2016, when we think we’ve come so far.
So I go to my usual pub and after I’ve been there a couple of hours I go to the bar where a so-called male friend flicked my nipple and acted like it was a joke. His friend was laughing along encouraging him and threatening to do it as well. Out of my presence they asked a third male to flick my nipple and he “surprised” me by doing so a few minutes later. Everyone thought it was hilarious. My boyfriend who saw the second “hilarious” nipple flick did nothing.
I was out with my girl friends having a drink at the bar and a group of men came and sat with us. One guy was groping my leg under the table and was making his way up my thigh. However, I was so scared to say something as I was afraid to be called frigid.
A few days ago i was in a pub with my friends; during the night they met some university friends, 4 boys that i’d never met before. we all together started a conversation about politics, and when I tried to express my opinion one of those boys told me “Oh shut up, you’re a woman”. Nobody asked him to apologize and he obviously wasn’t interested in apologizing on his own opinion. One of his friends seeing me upset told me that i had to relax, that the other guy was just kidding, that wasn’t a personal offense, and then, literally “relax, nobody wants a girl like that”. Everyone at the table laughed and began to talk about other stuff. Nobody asked me about my opinion.