I’m a 27 yo guy. I’ve been in numerous relationships where disputes escalate to a point where my girlfriends will start hitting me and trying to beat me up. It’s not just with girlfriends though, various women I’ve known over the years have slapped me, hit me, kicked my crotch, or scratched me. Sometimes I feel like women don’t think it’s a big deal to be violent with men. They’ve never seriously hurt me as I’m bigger than they are but what bothers me is that no one shows any alarm, they all seem indifferent.
In middle eastern society, family is everything. They’ll back each other up no matter what. At 8 years old, my parents got divorced. Thats fine, the separation of my parents did not affect me. My father moved out of the house to his sisters house until he got a place to stay. Few weeks later, court decided that my father should have custody. He was still living in my aunts house. I lived there for a whole year. during that year, my cousin, who is eight years older than me, molested me every day. As an eight year old, i did not know what he was doing exactly, all i knew was that i hated it. And the talk that my mother gave me always emphasized strangers. Never did she tell me family could be as cruel and disgusting. I could not speak about it He was 16, i was 8. I am nineteen today and it still haunts me. I did not tell anyone. I wish i did back then because almost three years ago, the same thing happened to my 12 year old nephew with the same guy. Maybe if i said something back then it wouldn’t have happened. My nephew told his father and brothers, they threatened to take him to court but they did not because he was “family”. I still see him today, he has this sadistic smile on his face every time i see him. He knows what he did and he knows i know too. I cant even look him in the eye.
YESTERDAY I had just dropped my friends off to the cinema as we were running late and I went to park the car a 5 minute walk away. It was around 9pm and it was dark and cold outside. Where I had been in the car with the heating on, I had taken my coat and jacket off and so was wearing a flowy vest top with jeans and trainers. I got out the car like this to pay to park when two men walked past. Before they got to me one said “Put some clothes on”, I didn’t even look at them, I carried on at the pay machine, the same man then repeated “are you not cold?” I ignored them again. His mate then said “fine, ignore us then” and they carried on walking past me. I have such complicated thoughts on this encounter as if it was a women who past me and said that, I would have laughed and explained or said something funny back or at the least, acknowledge her. So why is it that because it was two males I felt scared, alerted and suddenly very naked. I still do not know whether that was an act of sexism or if I am the one being sexist. I live in a society where I am taught to be afraid of men when I am on my own at night, to hold my keys between my fingers and to not make eye contact or walk bit more ‘manly’. That is not acceptable behaviours, I should not be made to feel this way.
I’m not sure if this is relevant or not, but I thought I’d share it. It occurred to me today that the powers-that-be had things arse-about-face in the 1920s. Homosexuality was illegal, punishable by imprisonment (how was that just, to punish someone for something they couldn’t help?), while it was legal for a man to rape his wife. Sickening. Misogyny AND homophobia there, folks. Thank goodness times have changed.
Was looking at a website which has pictures of various actors & actresses on just now, & there was a content from other sites section underneath one particular picture which said “these 30 formally (sic) hot celebrities are now ugly”. The picture above it was of a woman in a bikini with slightly sagging breasts & a slightly sagging stomach, running along the beach. Why have this crap at all, & why illustrate it with a picture of a woman? Way to make the celebrities in question feel good about themselves- by focussing on their looks & defining them by that, & implying that they used to be hot but they don’t cut it anymore because they’ve dared to not conform to society’s idea of what ‘hot’ is (i.e. they’ve dared to put on a few pounds, or have ‘let themselves go’ in other ways)! And another one- “you’ll never recognise these formerly hot celebrities!”, illustrated by a very overweight, yep, you’ve guessed it, woman.
The fact that as soon as a woman gets married, she gets grilled about when she & her husband are going to start a family. Surely that’s their business & no one else’s?! I also get cross about the fact that women who DO have children & who go back to work after the aforementioned children arrive get lambasted by not only the media but by stay-at-home mums who opted to give up work after THEY had kids, get branded as selfish, made to feel guilty & have comments made along the lines of “why did you have kids if you aren’t prepared to stay at home with them?”, “I didn’t have children to leave them with someone else” & “kids need their mother”, while working fathers get off scot-free. I also get very annoyed about the fact that working mothers get comments made about them “juggling work & family life”, while working fathers don’t have comments like that made about them. I’m not saying stay-at-home dads don’t get crap off society, however, as various comments I’ve read on here (plus a comment I heard someone make about a stay-at-home dad who lives near me) prove that this is definitely not the case.
We were learning about sexism in theology today. I knew sexism was still going on but I never realised how big it was. A boy in our class was being sexist. In all seriousness he said “women should stay at home, do the housework, have children and look after them. In a perfect world, I would like to come home to an already cooked dinner and a beautiful wife. She doesn’t argue and agrees with me. I’d be proud to be the only worker getting paid because they I feel proud that I’m going something for my family” In all honesty, I was shocked by what he said and disgusted. Nobody told him to say that, he said that. But that’s society weaving it into his head. I nearly left that lesson because it annoyed me so much. Sexism is not right. How arenwe any different to men?